I have a really bad flu infection

I have been feeling so sick the last few days. I have a really bad flu infection.

It started on Saturday and became worse on Sunday and today (Monday), I still feel totally sick.

My throat got so sore, my sinuses got so inflamed and infected, to the point my teeth are hurting me, I have a bit of a cough, my head really hurts, I have a fever, I feel totally lethargic and my bones hurt. All this yucky yellow and red (blood) stuff is coming out of my nose that I have to spit out in a tissue. It's so gross!

I was sleeping most of the day on Saturday and Sunday as well as today. I didn't do anything else but lay on the couch and watch TV, drifting into sleep every so often on the weekend. Today, I spent most of the day in bed with the heater on and the cat at the foot of my bed.

I was quite hot and feverish last night and I have sweated through my pyjamas today that I had to have a shower to feel clean again.

My head just hurts so bad and my energy levels are so low.

I just came online today to check email and check some other things, really quickly and write these posts, but now I am so exhausted. I feel like I have run a marathon! I need to go back to bed!

Right side of my face is all swollen and it hurts

The day after I had the first part of the root canal work I woke up and the right side of my face was all swollen up. It was swollen quite a bit and there was also quite a bit of pain in the gum area at the root of my tooth, plus my tooth was quite sore to touch too.

I think because the tooth had quite a bit of work done to it in the root canal, by removing all the yucky pus and dead roots, that it was all infected with an abscess and already really painful especially in the gum area just near where my jaw meets the gum line, that inflamed the tooth even more.

And while cleaning out the infected parts was what was needed, because that means the abscess wont have anything to infect, right now, tampering with the infected tooth (while totally justified and required) just inflamed it a whole lot more.

I got the first part of the root canal done on Friday afternoon and on Saturday the side of my face was quite very swollen and was hurting a bit, on Sunday the swelling and pain started to go down quite a bit, as did the pain. Now today (Monday), the swelling is almost gone.

The only thing that hurts today is the gum area above my tooth, where the root of the tooth is, that is still quite sore, so maybe the abscess isn't totally gone yet. It is getting better because it was more sore the last few days, but it is getting better very slowly!

It's take a while longer for the inflammation (swelling) to settle down and that is because I haven't been taking any medication (anti-inflammatory medicine), but at least it is starting to get better, so that is the main thing.

It will probably take a few more days till it's all good and the pain completely goes away.

Had the first part of the root canal done today

Finally, I decided to have the root canal treatment today (or at least the first part of it).

I was scheduled with another dentist to have an appointment early next week, but I couldn't wait any more.

I have been on antibiotics for two weeks now and started another one this morning and it's enough!  I started on one type, then when that one want working very well any more, had to get another type, which I took for a week, finishing my last dose yesterday afternoon.

I got another type yesterday, the strongest of the lot and didn't start taking it until late this morning, so from last night, there was almost 24 hours in between taking no antibiotics and I could really feel it this morning!  The right side of my face was a bit swollen again and it was starting to hurt a lot again.

I took the new antibiotics and within about 1/2 an hour, I could feel the pain starting to get better. I was directed take a double dose for the first dose, so that was why I could feel the antibiotic taking effect almost immediately. It didn't make the swelling go down that quickly, but stopped the pain from getting worse.

After that, I decided I couldn't wait the whole weekend, taking more antibiotics, just waiting and waiting four more days, plus I didn't feel so well this morning - the tooth abscess was infecting my sinuses too - so I called another dentist and they had some time that afternoon. The dentist actually spoke to me and was kind patient on the phone, so I felt comfortable about seeing him.  Once I got there, he saw me straight away (I think I got in because they put me in during their lunch hour, as there were people waiting after I left). I explained everything to him, about all of my previous bad experiences with dentists and how I was petrified about being there and I told him about the tooth, which I thought must have an abscess.  He took a look around my mouth and took some x-rays to view the tooth and then asked me if I wanted the root canal work to be started right then, or for me to wait until the following week. I decided I wanted it done then and there. He told me that my assessment about it being an abscess was correct.

He did go slowly putting the needle in, when I could feel anything, he slowed down until I couldn't and when he did the work cleaning the tooth out - all three roots had to be cleaned out - they smelt so gross when he opened up the roots where the nerves were filled with pus and yucky stuff.  I think I was in there with him for two hours. He used two doses (two needles - I couldn't feel the second needle at all) of the really strong anaesthetic and then started drilling, stopping every so often, or when I needed him to. He had a dam over my mouth to stop the infected rotten nerves and other infected material from going into my mouth (prevented me swallowing it). He told me I had to come back for the second part - more cleaning of the roots and proper filling and then later a crown.

I was so happy after the treatment ended!  I felt nothing. Hallelujah! At the start, my legs were shaking in the chair, while I was lying there and I was holding my hands tightly, but by the end of it, I did relax (even while he was drilling) and I was okay.  I think because he explained everything to me in a calm way at the start, it helped to allay my fears a little.

It took about 6 hours for that double dose of anaesthetic to wear off, but now the tooth and the area near the tooth are sore - poor tooth, it was traumatised by all the drilling work that was done on it.  Apparently, it should all settle down by tomorrow night. Thank goodness this tooth is now being taken care of and will be good!

My parents created a monster in LayZ boy

The delusions that my mother has about her son - that he has any goodness at all - are so far removed from reality and that just means he will continue to befuddle and manipulate her, make her think that he does nothing wrong. And that will ultimately be all three of their downfall.

Every time I tell my mother what he does to me - hitting me, pushing me, calling me names, blowing cigarette smoke on my clothes on the clothes line, going out for a cigarette when he knows I am outside, just so he can blow smoke at me - she refuses to see that he is doing anything wrong. She keeps telling me, "he never does any of this in front of me". By saying that, she gives him carte blanche to keep behaving that way. She wants to avoid it, she doesn't want to know and so by pretending its not happening, she enables it to continue happening. She wont acknowledge that her son is a vicious, manipulative asshole who takes pleasure in hurting his sister, because that means facing reality and my mother will do anything to avoid facing reality. What an idiot! And because of her idiocy, I get caught in the crossfire, her enabling him and being so delusional about him means that he can carry on behaving despicably in the full knowledge that there will be no consequences.

And even me telling my mother that her son LayZ boy was going through her personal papers in her drawers did nothing. When she came home, he denied it and then they had a nice little chat about what they would have for dinner! He tells her he didn't go through her drawers, that I was lying as usual (even though its him that lies and not me) and she believes him over me. How sick is that?

But, conversely, my mother doesn't stop yelling at me. She goes into my bag (which is in my bedroom) without my knowledge or permission, rifles through to find the car keys and bedroom door key and takes them. That's okay for her to do, so I guess its okay for him to do the same to her. I guess she will find out when he takes something of value and she cant deny it, or pretend he didn't do it.

LayZ boy learnt to be a volatile bully to people he perceives that are weaker than him, just like his step-father, yet he is scared of anyone who is bigger (and stronger) than him.

They all abuse and dump on me because they can. My mother allows it. She is the head of this family and she allows it.

These people make me sick!

When I leave here, things will unfold rapidly when their idiotic son starts gambling heavily again. He has already started gambling. This means he will get desperate for money because he will lose, like he invariably does and that will mean he will start stealing money from them like he used to from his wife when he was living with her. My mother will continue to stay in denial, pretending that nothing is going on, meanwhile, LayZ boy will continue to steal from them and get further into debt while he gambles even more.

LayZ boy, just like his mother, has an addictive personality - he is addicted to cigarettes, he is addicted to sugar, he is addicted to coca cola, he is addicted to gambling - and this marriage break-up will all bring it out. Once LayZ boy really starts to realise that his ex-wife is going to divorce him and take everything from him, he will get more desperate and start gambling really bad. He'll probably get my parents into debt and they may even lose their house.  Let them. If they are that stupid to trust a totally untrustworthy, deceitful piece of shit, then they should all get what they deserve!

LayZ boy's children come to visit their grandmother

After I came home today, my mother told me that my brother LayZ boy's children were coming over today after the older one finished work. She said that they were coming to see her and everyone. Sure. It's most likely their mother told them they should visit their grandmother, because the older one's 21st birthday is coming up soon and she wants to make sure their grandparents buy her something nice. LayZ boy's ex-wife is just as bad as him.

I told my mother that it wouldn't be a good idea for her to have to girls in the family room because they wear really strong perfumes, deodorants and body spray and the family room would reek of it all night. Sometimes the smell is there for days. My mother, of course contradicts me, tells me that she can have them in the sun room, because it's cold. I told her that she had a heater and as its a sun room, its a lot warmer than the inside of the house. She of course told me to shut up, that she wasn't going to do what I suggested.

The thing is, their strong perfume makes me ill - I get so allergic just being subjected to it for even a moment - and none of them care about this. To my mother, its more important to do the complete opposite of anything I ask for (nothing ever unreasonable), wilfully disregarding my health!

When the girls came, she had them in the family room, sitting on the  breakfast stools, but only for a short while.  Even she realised how strong their perfume was and how much it was bothering even her and that she wouldn't be able to handle it when they left and the aroma pervaded the room for hours afterwards.

So only after the girls had been there for about 5 minutes, she ushered them into the sun room.

It is just irritating that my mother just does not listen to anything I say even though I am invariably right in my suggestion or reasonable in what I have asked for. My mother always argues with me, tells me I am wrong, tells me she wont do anything to help me, that she considers her guests needs before mine (they have no needs, it's me that has the severe allergies) and is just wilfully antagonistic towards me.  But invariably, she realises she is wrong (but she wont ever admit it to me) and does exactly what I recommended in the first place.

It is so utterly galling that my mother argues with me so vehemently, tells me I am so wrong, then she does exactly what I suggested because it affects her. She doesn't care about me, she doesn't care that it affects me, she only cares that it affects her. My mother realised that she would have to open all the doors and windows and that still wouldn't get rid of the smell, that when she does that in the sun room, it takes hours for the smell to dissipate and because it is cold tonight, she couldn't bear to keep all the doors and windows open as that would make the house cold, but she could leave the windows open in the sun room and that wouldn't be a problem. So basically, because it was going to affect her, she movies the girls to the sun room and not because of any concern about my health. My mother, like the rest of my immediately family, is so completely selfish!

Abusive, angry controlling step-father

This morning was the morning for cleaning the house, so that meant I had to wake up early and leave the house because I am allergic to dust and dust mites.

My step-father told me I had to move my bags which were next to a tallboy in the lounge room downstairs because he didn't want them to be there. I told him to just leave them, that I would take care of them when I came back home. That was not an unreasonable request.

He wouldn't hear of that. He started screaming at me and told I had to do what he told me to do, that this was his house and he didn't want my bags there (they had some items of crockery which I hadn't packed away into the cupboards in the kitchen and a bag of CD's).

I was in the kitchen at this point, making a smoothie for breakfast (a quick breakfast so that I could leave quickly and not upset him because you never know when he's going to blow, he's so volatile). My step-father was screaming at me while we were both there and then threw a bag he was holding at me. Luckily it only had plastic bags in the bag (my mother recycles her plastic bags) and then they fell in the sink that was filled with water. I asked him, "what the hell is wrong with you to throw this at me?" and he responded by telling me that I had to move my things right now or else he was going to smash everything.

I followed him into the lounge room as he started to move my things to the door, so that he could take them downstairs, into the garage. I asked him what the point was for putting things in the garage, when I had to bring most of it back up again, because it belonged in the kitchen mainly. He told me he didn't care, that I had to just do what he told me to do because this was his house and if I didn't like it, I could "piss off" out of there and I should just "fuck off". He also called me a lazy bludger (of course he did because he cant think of anything else to say).

He then hit me. He hit my arm - he lashed out at me because he was angry and I threw the glass I was carrying onto the floor - it still had some of the smoothie in it - and the glass broke, shattering all over the floor and there was purple liquid everywhere on the floor too. Then my step-father went off his head again, screaming at me even more, calling me horrible things even more. This is such an untenable situation for me to be in and the violence, chaos and abuse I am constantly subjected to.

I was so upset by him screaming at me, for absolutely no reason whatsoever and that is why I threw the glass on the floor. It is unbelievably frustrating living with these people who yell and scream at me, flinging abusive words and actions at me because they cant control their emotions and take out their anger on me.

LayZ boy the malicious idiotic defrauder

When LayZ boy was still living with his wife, he tried to fraudulently get a credit card under her name, but he got caught out when they called her. The idiot gave them his home phone number (maybe it was a requirement) and when she picked up the phone, they asked her about the application, she, of course, had no clue, cancelled it and totally chewed him out for trying to defraud her. He has already applied for bankruptcy on two occasions - he served the waiting period of the first one, then got more credit and applied for bankruptcy again - he had racked up thousands of dollars in debt that he never paid back.

LayZ boy is going to the same thing to our parents. He's looking for a way to steal something from them. He's trying to get their tax file number and other details so that he can defraud them. And when he charges up a huge amount on a credit card, the responsibility will then go on them to pay it off and they're both on a low income, so they wont be able to and they may need to file or bankruptcy and may lose their house. I wouldn't put it past him to do this. He's a desperate person with no money, doesn't work, has a really bad credit rating and is morally bankrupt. He is always looking for a way to scam or steal something.

I am going to have to call one of their friends who I am friendly with, tell him about this incident and get him to talk some sense into our mother, because I am just knocking my head against a brick wall with her, she absolutely wont listen to me. Maybe he will be able to get through to her, make her see that she needs to do something about him before he steals something valuable from them.

LayZ boy went outside to have a cigarette and must have been trying to think of his next move to hurt and antagonise me because he was out there a lot longer than he normally stays out there. When he came back in, he went to the toilet (which is right adjacent to my bedroom, so I hear every noise that goes on in there - yeah, not nice, when he's in there grunting and grunting on purpose like he loves to do) and he flushed it with the side that doesn't work. He knows it doesn't work as he only ever flushes with the side that does flush, so he did it on purpose because when you use the side that doesn't work, it continues to spout water into the toilet non-stop like a continuous flush and of course the noise is irritating, which is why he did it, because of my close proximity to the toilet. Idiot.

I told my step-father when he came home from the pub this evening everything that happened and how LayZ boy swore to God and swore on his mother's name about a lie, so that means you cant believe or trust anything he says, as he has no respect for God, his mother or anyone and will lie about anything, any time.

For once he was in a normal, non-volatile mood and listened to me, shaking his head the more I told him about LayZ boy's deceit and vindictiveness, but he still lumps me in with LayZ boy, saying, "I don't know why you two are like this?" and I told him, "it's not me, it's LayZ boy, he's the one who is lying and behaving obnoxiously, so don't lump me in with him, I am not the one who is sick in the head like him". I also brought the continuously flushing toilet to his attention and let him know that LayZ boy did it on purpose. Step-father just shook his head and said that LayZ boy was an idiot for doing that and asked me if I turned it off. I told him I didn't because I wanted him to hear it. He said he would speak to LayZ boy tomorrow, but undoubtedly LayZ boy will tell him he forgot, which is, of course, a big fat lie! LayZ boy is such a manipulator and his parents play to his music.

LayZ boy is so sick in the head. LayZ boy is malicious and opportunistic, using any opportunity to scam people out of something any time he possibly can. He is a vindictive, deceitful, psychopathic lying piece of shit.

My mother wont see her malicious son for what he is

My mother is so far in denial she wont see what is going on, which means idiot LayZ boy can continue to behave just how he likes without any fear of reprisal.

I just found out that he has been telling our mother that he often sees me in their bedroom (a total lie of course) when they are not home. Not only that, he also told me earlier that our mother told him that she has found some of her documents moved around in her drawers and that she told him she suspected I did it (apparently another lie).  And he swore to God that it was true (again lying and he was swearing to God, but still lying). This means that you cannot trust anything he says, because he is totally deceitful. How far do his lies go?

I asked our mother if she said that to him and she said she didn't. He then said, "Oh that's right, you didn't tell me that, I was just joking to her". Right, so swearing to God that he was telling the truth to me and now he tells me he was joking. How deceitful!

He's been telling our mother that he's seen me in their room to deflect from them thinking it's him who is actually going through their documentation and personal stuff, because our mother has noticed things out of order, like someone has been going through their things (she has a bit of OCD, so she knows when her papers/documents have been moved even a centimetre) and to deflect from her thinking it was him and because he knows she will believe it, he's apparently been telling her he has seen me in her room, so that no blame comes to him when he starts stealing things. God knows what he does when I am not home and he has complete freedom to do whatever he wants.

I told our mother that he "swore to God" and he swore on her life that she told him she suspected me of going through their drawers and that shows he's willing to lie to save his ass. She doesn't want to hear it and told me she thought it was our step-father who must have been going through the drawers. She wont listen to me, turns her back to me when I am asking to listen and then walks away because she is "upset". Like this is all about her, when its me that suffers. She doesn't know to know how sick in the head her son is, she doesn't want to hear that he is invading her privacy and her private documents because she wants to continue in her delusion that he is a "good son". Un-fucken-believable.

This all happened when they were in the family room and I asked her about the conversation she had with LayZ boy about suspecting me of going through their drawers and I told her again that I saw him with my own eyes earlier going through their drawers and he got so upset (I didn't realise it at the time why, but now I know that he was angry that the truth was coming out and he would get caught the deceitful fuckwit). He finally left after she told him to go, but that was not until after he started saying all this crap to me and lying more to try to save his ass.

It's irrelevant though, because our mother does nothing about him. She and my step-father have created a monster in their son. LayZ boy is a pathological liar. He will take start stealing from his parents (he may have already because they have some stuff that he could have sold in their garage and they wouldn't know unless they went through everything and itemised it all).

LayZ boy the dodgy user and scammer

LayZ boy is the type of person who will try to trick you you out of all your money and will take you for everything you're worth if he can and if you're stupid enough to allow it.

LayZ boy promises you the world and tries to convince you that he will give you everything and more than what you expect if you only give him (a) money, or (b) possessions, or (c) both money and possessions.

LayZ boy lies all the time. If LayZ boy's mouth is open, you know he's lying. He rarely if ever tells the truth.

LayZ boy asked people he didn't even know that well for numbers to Lotto at his uncle's wake last year, telling them that he wanted some fresh numbers from other people, not just from himself, because maybe their numbers would be the winning numbers (he is so deluded) and then proceeded to tell that if the lottery ticket won any money, he would share it with them. Yeah right! He would just lie to them. Bald faced lies. He would just tell them that he never won anything and give them nothing.

At the wake, LayZ boy was just trying to get some new numbers, thinking that if he got new numbers from other people, they would be for sure the winning numbers! So completely deluded. He then promises them the world for giving him their time and will never do what he says.

How unconscionable is that? Instead of having a nice meal at the wake and talking about his uncle, he instead starts trying to scam people for Lotto numbers. He even asked the priest who did the service for Lotto numbers too. I noticed the priest looked at LayZ boy like he was a lunatic for doing such a thing at a wake. He gave my brother the side-eye, like, "what the heck are you doing?"

It was just so wrong on so many levels. I am not even religious, but to me that was totally disrespectful. He was no conscience whatsoever.

A few years ago, he befriended one of my ex-boyfriends and used to borrow money from him, promising him he would return it with interest. Of course he never returned the money. Then he would ask my ex-boyfriend for more money, on top of what he already owed him. My ex went along with this for a while, thinking that if he gave him the money, it would teach LayZ boy some sort of lesson (yea sure, the only thing LayZ boy learnt was that my ex was a sucker). After a while, my ex stopped giving LayZ boy any more money and of course that meant LayZ boy stopped being friends with my ex, as he had nothing more to offer him. I don't think LayZ boy returned what he owed my ex. What a user.

You know, all I can say is that karma will get him. It already has because his ex-wife wont have anything to do with him and took everything from him and even his children don't see him other than for birthdays and Christmas. He has no relationship with his family who he was with for 20 years - they have almost completely disowned him and I think he will die alone, just like his own father.

LayZ boy is obsessed with our parents will

LayZ boy has absolutely no sense whatsoever, but then again, what do you expect from someone without any intellect and who is seriously mentally unwell?

Today, while we were arguing, he kept telling me that he was going to make sure that our parents gave him administration rights to their estate (they are not dead) so that he controls all of their estate and then he can make sure I get none of their estate when they die.

He quite often talks about our parents estate and their will and how much he is going to get when they die. I shudder to think about exactly what he plans. What kind of person obsesses about something like this?

I told him that it's more likely that he will die before they do and in any case, they have told me they are splitting it up 50:50 to us each. LayZ boy kept on going on about the will and how he would make sure he got control so I would get nothing. He is obsessive and demented. Really demented.

When our parents came home, our mother was in the kitchen talking to LayZ boy like he did nothing wrong. She totally trusts him. It doesn't matter that I see him with my own eyes going through their drawers, she just tells me, "I don't see him do any of this". So basically she wants to keep her eyes closed and pretend its not happening, meanwhile, that means he will keep on going. This time I told her that he was rifling through drawers and that he was also talking about their will, telling me he was going to try to take control of everything when they died. LayZ boy got so angry (because I was telling her the truth and he did not want her to hear what his sick, ugly mind comes up with) and kept saying, "I am going to hit her (me) if she doesn't shut up". Then he tried to defend himself and was stumbling on his words, trying to lie his way out of it. Mother, of course says nothing and tells him she'll be going to the shops with him soon. Fucking mental. Both of them.

It is unbelievably frustrating to come across this bloody mindedness. Our mother is simply deluded. Totally and utterly deluded. She will not hear anyone say anything against him and will let him get away with everything he does.This just sets him up to continue to behave in an abominable and belligerent way with no consequences for his action, ever. He knows he can get away with anything with his mother, so he continues to behave fake in front of her (sucks up to her big time) and behind her back, he looks through her documents and probably takes things to use them for his illegal activity (he tried to forge his ex-wife's signature many times, tried to fraudulently get a credit card under his wife's name, but assigned to him, he lies to people to get their money and possession promising them the world, but giving nothing in return and almost getting bashed in the process).

From now on, he can do whatever he wants to do in their room - he can steal their stuff (like he used to do) and they can deal with the consequences. I am done with that non-entity. LayZ boy is no longer related to me. As far as I am concerned, he is dead to me.

LayZ boy gets more aggressive today

Today LayZ boy again tried to get my attention. He really is insane.

I woke up early and did some household duties (washed the dishes and cleared up the sink), but it seemed that no-one was home, so I felt wonderful to be free from the three non-entities who live here and treat me like crap.

Unfortunately, that bliss wasn't to last long.

While I was with the chickens feeding them some greens, LayZ boy came outside, hair totally unkempt and sticking up everywhere and lit up his cigarette just near where I was, so that he could blow his cigarette smoke at me, because he knows it makes me ill. What a complete idiotic person he is!

I waited until he moved away a little and went inside. I still had some more to feed the chickens, but I thought it better if I did it later, because the air out there was going to reek of cigarette smoke, as LayZ boy seems to think he should smoke next to the chicken enclosure, so they can breathe in the smoke. Totally sanctioned by his mother.

I had intended to wash my undies, but I couldn't go to the pergola (that's where the laundry is) because it stunk so badly of cigarette smoke as LayZ boy left the door open, so I had to wait a while. When I did go out to the pergola to hand wash my undies, LayZ boy must have seen me when he went to the toilet (the entry to the toilet looks in on the pergola) and decided that he wanted to come out to have a cigarette right then. I, of course, left the pergola, but not before closing the door, so that his cigarette smoke didn't pervade inside. Luckily I had finished washing and rinsing the undies, I just had to hang them out on the clothes line. About half an hour after he came inside, I hung out my undies on the clothes line. So again, I thwarted his little plan. And while I know he likes to blow cigarette smoke on my clothes, I didn't think he would do it to my undies, as that would have been really weird even for a nutcase like him.

When I went back outside later to take my now dry undies off the clothes line, I saw LayZ boy rifling through our parents drawers, looking through their papers and other documents. I told him that I would be letting his mother know what he did and he denied it, of course. Then he called me a "loser" and started going off his head at me. He even pushed me hard - I had my phone in my hands holding it up and he pushed it against my teeth. What an aggressive, belligerent fool.

He then called his mother but she didn't answer, as I did too but I got through. I told her what he did and meanwhile, LayZ boy stood outside my door, listening to my conversation. He got so upset that I got to her first before he was able to lie to her and started calling me a "loser" and told me how "fucked up" I was for telling her what he did. Then he walked to his room yelling loudly and continued to talk to himself for about 10 minutes. He is not a normal person. He is mentally unwell.

Taking antibiotics equals candida proliferation

My immune system is very poor at the moment, so it should come as no surprise that when I take antibiotics, I get a candida infection in my nether regions!

The candida proliferation has been immeasurably itchy and subsequently painful. I just have to start taking antibiotics and I get thrush!

I have been treating it with lemon juice mixed with water, dabbing some cotton wool in the solution and then dabbing the affected area with the moistened cotton wool to get rid of candida fungus, usually once a day, but sometimes twice a day. I used the lemon juice on two days, then I changed it to white vinegar for another two days. I always use gloves when I clean the area, because I don't want to get the candida albicans on my hands.

Today I bought some tea tree oil as that is even more effective in getting rid of the candida albicans fungus than even the vinegar or lemon juice, as it actually kills fungi through it's anti-fungal properties. Tea tree oil also has anti-bacterial and anti-viral properties too.

Tonight I applied to slightly diluted tea tree oil to the affected area and it hurt quite a lot (the area is just over-run with the candida), but a few hours later, it seems to have settled down and is less painful. It actually feels a bit better now, not itchy and not painful like it normally does.

I am going to try to sort out this infection by applying the tea tree oil soaked cotton wool twice a day - that should really get rid of the candida while I am on these antibiotics. As I have another week of antibiotics, I need to make sure that I am comfortable while I undergo the antibiotic treatment.

I also bought some probiotic powder to take, so that should help too. I am going to start that tomorrow. I am supposed to take it about 2 hours before or after taking antibiotics, which is fine.

Still feel really sick today

I woke up earlier this morning to take my antibiotics and then went back to sleep as I just didn't feel very well at all - my sinuses are hurting me, my head hurts, my lungs hurt, my throat hurts, my ears hurt and it all feels really congested in my upper respiratory area. I still felt dizzy and nauseous and weak.

I have the "asthmatic cough" again, which means the bronchitis has been triggered yet again by last night.

I was also feeling hot and cold last night - just a bit of a fever too.

I have an appointment with my regular doctor today, so I will explain all of this to him to try to get an appointment with an allergy specialist.

When I went into the family room in the morning to take my antibiotic (I have to take one every 8 hours for the tooth abscess), my mother and step-father were there, she was kneading some dough and he was sitting on a chair watching television. I took the antibiotic with some water and on my way out of the family room, my step-father goes to slap my backside as I am walking past time in a playful, angry way. He's so inappropriate. I got out quickly and he didn't touch me. But he acted like he was about to - with my mother in the room too. Sick sick sick people!

At the doctor's appointment, I told him all about my super strong allergies to everything, that I have been getting so sick lately with upper respiratory viral infections almost non-stop since the beginning of the year and that I just feel so tired all the time. He told me he could hear the congestion in my voice, so that was validating. He also referred me to an allergy specialist. I told him about my idiot family and their inability to understand that someone can get allergies as bad as me and that all this sickness I have been subjected to has all the worse since I cam back from the coast in late-November 2009 and had to live in the same house as all of the abusive family I have around me every day.

When I finished there, I had a bit of shopping I had to do and then I went home.

I prepared some food for dinner. My step-father was in the kitchen and then LayZ boy came into the kitchen as soon as he knew I was home. He has this weird obsessive need to be around me and antagonise me when he knows I am here. He then said to me, "loser, are you going to ask me to take off my jacket?" as his way of greeting. I just ignored him and held my nose while I was in the kitchen. I took my food into the lounge room, away from them, to be able to eat in peace and quiet.

After dinner I went to my bedroom, as the television in the lounge room isn't very clear, plus I wanted to turn my heater on and get warm. I turned on the computer for a short while and then I had to have a lie down - I was exhausted from doing the shopping, making dinner and eating it, that I had to sleep.

I fell asleep for about 1.5 hours and when I awoke, I felt completely exhausted but I forced myself to get up because if I kept sleeping, I would wake up in the early hours of the morning and wouldn't get back to sleep for ages and wreck my internal body clock even more.

It's now 10pm and my head still hurts, my sinuses hurt, I still feel dizzy and nauseous and lethargic and weak. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow!

My family have no compassion or sympathy for me

Yesterday was great for most of the day. I went out early in the morning as I wanted to get some shopping done and when I came home, no-one was home. It was so nice to be without any type of irritation or frustration from any of them.

Unfortunately that wasn't going to last all day, because they (my parents and brother, LayZ boy) would come home soon enough. But since I felt good, I cleaned up the kitchen and family room, set up the fireplace ready to be lit when it started getting colder later in the afternoon, early evening and I brought some wood to the balcony for later use.

When my my parents came home, I asked him if he noticed that I set up the fireplace and brought some wood. His response? "What did you do? Nothing." I don't know why I set myself up for his negativity like that. As if he would ever say anything nice to me to show he appreciates me and my efforts.

A short while after they came home, mum and step-father went to the pub for dinner and LayZ boy came home stomping through the house and into his bedroom, like he normally does.

When mum and step-father came home I quickly closed the family room doors while I asked them to "please take off your jackets before you come in here". My step-father responded with, "Why? Do we stink or something?" and my mother with, "What for, why should we have to take our jackets off to suit you." I replied with, "You know I am allergic to the perfumes at the pub on your clothes." I have talked to them about my allergies, how their clothes get imbued with the perfumes of the people around them at the pub and they agreed to get undressed into their normal clothes when they come home immediately, not in like two minutes, as they normally would. So I am not asking them for something so outlandish, just for them to do something a little earlier than they normally would. They agree and then they resent doing it, as if they are being asked to do something so difficult, when they are just being contrary because they don't believe I can be that allergic because they are so ignorant.

Soon after, my step-father came into the family room and told me off for leaving the doors closed (he was still angry). I just ignored him. About a minute later, LayZ boy came in and started yelling at me, telling me that I should not expect them to change their clothes, that this was their house and I wasn't allowed to make any rules and that I was a "loser". I told him to shut up and stop his nonsense. That of course inflamed our step-father who started yelling at LayZ boy for not ever cleaning up after himself, that he just took clean dishes and left his dirty dishes on the sink for someone else to wash and after LayZ boy left (he doesn't hang around to listen because he doesn't think he should do anything, so he just walks away, ignoring whatever anyone says to him) my step-father then started on me.

I was getting affected by their perfumes and so I was holding the cuff of my cardigan to my nose, so that I could breathe in there and not the perfume in the air which was making me itchy. Step-father went mental about that, telling me how dare I put my jumper to my nose so that I couldn't breathe the air in, that I was not allowed to watch television there, that I had to leave as soon as they came home because it's my fault if I got sick, he wasn't going to do anything to help me and then he turned off the television at the switch and was acting all threatening to me, my mother holding him back from hitting me.  I had to leave soon after and went to my room crying.

Soon after that, my nose started getting even more itchy and my sinuses at the front of my head hurts so much, plus I had pain in my ears and my throat started getting sore. I have an immediate reaction to perfumes like this all the time and the stress I get from their menacing, abusive, threatening words and action, just exacerbates it more. They make me feel like I ask for way too much when I ask them to try to be supportive and helpful to me.

My family is so abusive, ridiculous and totally ignorant!

It doesn't matter how many times I tell them how super allergic I am, it doesn't matter how many time they see my reaction to perfumes and other allergens, it doesn't matter how much I explain it to them - it means nothing, they continue to behave abominably to me in their totally dismissive, threatening, belligerent and obnoxious way with no regard to my health at all. They are just selfish people!

LayZ boy is really mental

There was a very interesting, but weird interaction between my brother, LayZ boy and my step-father this evening where my step-father was chastising my brother for not washing his glass after using it, expecting others to clean up after him and my brother just insisting that it is his right to make dishes dirty and not clean up after himself.

LayZ boy is just mental.

He just insists on what he wants and tells people; "you know that's what I do", like it is his divine right to be irresponsible and everyone must accept what he does and broach no argument about it irrespective of how it affects everyone else. It's his right to behave how he wants to, at the (usual) detriment of everyone else, as he considers no-one else's feelings but his own selfish ones!

My step-father was washing a few dishes (there were not many there - just a few plates and glasses, very minor) and then LayZ boy came into the kitchen to get himself his big glass that he uses for water. And this is the conversation that occurred:

Step-father: Hey, why are you taking a new glass when you should be washing out the glass you just used?
LayZ boy: You know I only use this glass. When one is dirty, I use the other one. (there are two of the glasses he likes to use)
Step-father: But you just made the other glass dirty, so why cant you just rinse it out and use it again?
LayZ boy: You know I only use this glass, it's the only glass I use. You know that.
Step-father: Yes, but you need to wash out the glass first so you can use it again, instead of making another one dirty that we have to wash.
LayZ boy: You know I only use this glass. When one is dirty, I use the other one that is clean. (said in a very mentally deluded way, like it is his right not only not to wash any dishes, but to make as many glasses dirty as possible)
Step-father: You are such a lazy bludger, you don't do anything. So lazy, you don't clean up after yourself.
LayZ boy: What are you talking about, I am just using the glass I always use and you know that.

And after that LayZ boy left the kitchen and my step-father, because I was in the vicinity, starts going off about how LayZ boy is so lazy and doesn't do anything and neither do, because I am equally lazy . Yeah, right, I don't think so - he just likes to bitch about me when he's complaining about LayZ boy and I don't know why, but he's always been that way!

LayZ boy, on the other hand is completely irresponsible and doesn't contribute an iota to washing dishes - whenever he uses any plates or cutlery, they are simply deposited on the sink for someone else to wash! And my step-father hates washing dishes - he always complains about having to do it when there are two women in the house! His attitude about women is so bad!

Painful tooth progressively getting better

The abscessed tooth is progressively getting better each day. Thank goodness!  I can now actually touch it with my toothbrush, which, up until today, I couldn't - I had to brush the teeth next to it and prevent touching it, even with just the soft pressure of the toothbrush.

Now that I can brush that tooth, it means I can get into the bit where the filling has chipped off and get some toothpaste in there. It seems like the abscess is draining out of it there, because when I have brushed the chipped bit, it seems very smelly and it wasn't before the abscess (and pain) started. I know this because I tried brushing it without any toothpaste, with just a bit of water on the toothbrush, to just stimulate the area without the toothpaste, at first, then I used some toothpaste.

The swelling in my cheek has gone down too as has the pain in the upper gum area above the tooth (inside my mouth), so that is all a big relief.

I also went to see that dentist today and he was nice, explained it all to me about how the sedation would work.  After seeing him, my gut feeling though, is telling me not to go for the sedation. I don't know why, but this time I am going to go with my gut and try to get the tooth filled awake. I have to decide which dentist to try. But in the meantime, I need to continue to take the antibiotics, probably the two doses - I am halfway through one packet now, so I have to go for the other packet too, as the abscess is rather large and is taking some time to disperse.

Just finished reading a really great book

One of my favourite modern chick-lit authors is Marian Keyes. She writes such great, endearing stories, that are full of great characters and her stories are so easy to read - they are really "un-put-downable" books. I really get into the storyline and characters and miss them when I finish reading them.

I have read every single one of her novels and have them all, but one in my collection of books (I love to read and I really love lots of different genres). The one I didn't have, I borrowed from a friend - "The Brightest Star in The Sky" - such a beautiful, whimsical story, so lovely and sweet, almost magical really. It was so nice to read and I finished all 612 pages in about two days!  I will buy it one day soon.

While this novel was rather whimsical, there were some really dark, poignant moments in there too, which were a bit hard to read (for me), but she covered them really well.

Reading her novels it made me think that she covers certain subjects so well, that maybe it was because she experienced them herself. Just a feeling I got after reading the novel before this one - This Charming Man - about a very handsome and charming man who was actually abusive. She has also written about alcohol abuse (Rachel's Holiday) and depression (Anybody Out There) and again, it struck me that the way she wrote about the character's experiences with these seemed to come from personal and intimate experience.  I found out recently that I was right about my hunch. On her web site Marian Keyes talks about her experience with alcoholism, depression and men who didn't treat her well.

The last time I checked Marian Keyes' site, which was in January 2010, she was greatly afflicted with depression to a debilitating level. I wonder if writing about rape, depression and children in her current book (The Brightest Star in The Sky) may have sent her over the edge into the pits of depression. She and her husband have tried to have children and have not been able to conceive, she has been depressed in the past and is currently experiencing it and about the rape, maybe she experienced that too. I just thought that maybe writing about all of these personal experiences into her characters, instead of being cathartic, was maybe too much for her to deal with, so her mind spiralled downward into feeling depressed. Her depression started some time after the book was released, so it may have taken a bit of time to get to the depressed state. 

Poor thing, I hope she gets better. She writes the most wonderful books. I love her chatty, engaging writing style.

Dentists confirms abscess at root of the tooth

No wonder I have been getting such severe pain in my tooth - there is an abscess under the root, near the nerve.

I started taking some antibiotics on Sunday afternoon, because I thought that maybe if the tooth was this painful, there may be an abscess underneath in the root area, that was causing the huge pain.

By the time it was Monday morning, I was in such severe pain that it hurt to even swallow my own saliva! The pressure from my tongue in my mouth was irritating the exposed nerve in that tooth and it hurt really badly.  Not only did that hurt, but the whole of my right side of my jaw, upper and lower hurts so much too. It's just awful.

I don't have a dentist here, so I had to ring around to find someone, but two of the dentists I tried were not available until Wednesday, which was in two days time. That was not soon enough for me, as the pain was excruciating!  I finally found a dentist who could take me in, in a few hours, as they had a spot available in their emergency appointment schedule - thank goodness!

Breakfast consisted of half a glass of a smoothie I made - to give me some energy. I had to drink it through a straw because any of the liquid that touched the tooth hurt so much.

When I saw the dentist, I explained to her the problem and the pain, as well as my bad experiences with dentists in the past, together with my very low threshold of pain and the fact that I get sinus issues, which makes working on my top teeth very difficult, because the vibrations of the drill vibrate the sinus passages and that causes pain, even with anaesthetic injected.


The dentist recommended that I undertake the treatment to the tooth under light sedation. Because the tooth and surrounding area is so sore, she advised me that she may not be able to get the area numbed enough to be able to treat the tooth. That was disappointing, but at least she was honest and had integrity enough to let me know what my best option was. She gave me two phone number of dentists, one who she really recommended, but didn't know if he did sedation and the other she didn't really know, but knew he did sedation.

I called the first practice, who confirmed they did not do sedation there and gave me the phone number of another dentist (not on the list) who did sedation and who was really good. God, I hope he is, as I am petrified of going to the dentist!

Today when I woke up, the right side of my face was visibly swollen. Not a lot, but enough to be visible that there was an issue underneath. The gum near the tooth was also sore, as was my jaw at the joint. I rang the dental surgery who explained that it was not anything to worry about too much unless the swelling got worse and that I would be okay as I was seeing the other dentist tomorrow.

My appointment with the dentist who does the sedation work is tomorrow morning - it is for a consultation to see what he can do for this tooth. The first dentist already sent over my file and x-ray to their practice, so they know what they're dealing with.

The allergies rise again - should be living in a bubble

I am so allergic to everything, that it makes like difficult. Other people simply don't understand. And my family, they cant seem to understand the concept of severe allergies, like what I have.

Today my parents were out at their friends house and when they came home, I asked my mother to get changed out of their clothes because the perfume was starting to bother me - my head and my sinuses was starting to hurt.  Even thought she was standing about 2-3 metres away from me, the aroma was pervading the room already and starting to affect me.

The interesting thing is that my mother wasn't wearing any perfume herself, the aroma came from being in the same proximity, touching and kissing her friend and his wife, in just normal social interaction - shaking hands, hugging, kissing on the cheek hello and goodbye, probably touching their arm - and because their friends wear a great deal of deodorants and perfumes it pervades the air and everything they touch. So just being around them, some of it will rub off on other people. This wouldn't affect other people - just me!

After arguing with me about why certain things affect me more than others (I told her I cant control or predict what will affect me) they finally went to their room to get changed.  When my mother came back, I walked past her to get something and the aroma was so strong near where she was standing, that immediately my nose started itching and I started to cough with an asthmatic-type, dry cough. I told my mother that she should see the cause and effect of how allergic I am and instead of being sympathetic, my idiot step-father told me to "piss off out of here" and to "piss off to you room" and "you're good for nothing, you're always sick".  My mother, meanwhile, just stands there and lets him say whatever he wants to me, even as I was leaving left the room, he was still talking his crap. It's only when I have totally gone that he stopped.

Nice huh?

They are completely unsympathetic towards my illnesses. It's rather disconcertingly awful to be treated in this terrible way.  They simply (a) don't believe that I am that allergic and (b) cant understand how someone can be that allergic. Shows just how ignorant they are. And it of course makes me feel bad to be treated in this shitty, abusive way. Why would I even expect anything better from them?

What a family. No need for enemies when you have a family like this!

Just from that very brief exposure to the perfume my lungs still hurt, as do my sinuses, even though I am now in my bedroom, with the heater on and nowhere near them. I am so completely sensitive and allergic to almost everything - like the girl in the bubble!  This family of mine just doesn't seem to understand this at all!

It just upsets me that they would be so obnoxious to me, when I do everything right. I collected all their clothes from the clothes line and put them in the lounge to get dry (the sun is not very strong now so it takes ages for clothes to dry and if you collect them from the clothes line after 4.00pm, they feel a bit damp. I also closed up the chicken house, I washed all the dirty dishes and I even started the fire and so the house was nice and warm when they came home. But nothing I ever do is good enough for them. I could give them a million dollars (if I had it) and they would still complain and bitch about me to me and behind my back. They are just ridiculous people without any sense at all and they just take great pleasure in hurting and abusing me!

Toothache a little better today than yesterday, but still painful

Amazingly I did manage to get to sleep last night without too much trouble. The whole cloves I used in my mouth did have a good effect, by numbing the gum and tooth area somewhat, enough to stop the worst of the pain. So this enabled my body to relax enough to be able to get to sleep.

Today, I had a bit of pain again when I woke this morning, so I used two more cloves in my mouth near the poor chipped tooth and that seemed to dissipate the pain to an extent where it was bearable, to not hurting at all.

Now, this evening, I am pretty much free of any severe pain, so that is wonderful. The pain is unbearable when it starts hurting, so to be free of it is really great. It is a really sharp undulating pain that comes and goes, but when it comes, man does it hurt a lot. It seems like my whole jaw is in pain.

I really have to find a dentist next week, to refill the hole and probably put a porcelain crown on it, as it needs to be strengthened. Maybe it will need a porcelain onlay or inlay, then the crown. Will have to find out from the dentist.

Sweet foods (chocolate or even hot tea with sugar) make the pain so much worse. Vegetables and fruit, legumes and other natural produce don't produce that much pain at all. My diet is pretty good anyway, my only indulgence is organic or European chocolate, which I now cant eat for a little while, so it wont be difficult to manage. I just cant handle the pain so whatever it takes to prevent it will be done. I also have to eat food on the left side of my mouth because I cannot chew anything on the right side, where the chipped tooth is, at the top jaw.

The constantly lying mother who has no self-awareness

Today, my mother asked me for the car keys for my step-father's as she claimed she didn't have another set and needed to take the car, as my step-father took her car to run his errands. Of course she was lying, because he has another set of keys, which she could have taken, but she just wanted to take the keys from me legitimately this time, as she thought she would not sneak in my bedroom to look through my handbag to take the keys furtively without my knowledge.

I asked her if she would give me the keys back when she returned and she said she would, but I didn't believe her. I told her, that "I'll believe it when I see it, when you return back to see if you actually are telling me the truth."

Around dinner time, I asked her where the car keys were and her response was: "They're my keys, not yours."  So, basically, I was right, she lied to get the keys from me because I told her I wouldn't be paying for all of the registration costs for a car I don't own.

She just cannot stop lying. And then she has to justify her lies with more lies.

She then told me they "gave" my brother, LayZ boy their old van and as he didn't have enough money (he never does) to register it immediately, he had to do so after three weeks. I asked her how she could use that as an example when my step-father's car is not in my name - it's not my car. She realised she couldn't win with that angle, because there was absolutely no bearing on the discussion, she didn't say anything, probably thinking about what else she could try to justify herself. She continued to tell me I had to pay for registration costs if I wanted to drive it and I continued to tell her to forget about it.

She then went to the sun room, in a rage, to bitch and complain about me to my step-father. And when I told her to stop bitching about me, she proceeds to tell me that, "your step-father asked me why we were arguing and I had to tell him". Again lying. She purposely walked in there to complain about me and she started bitching about me to him, without any prompting from him.

She came back into the kitchen, where I was preparing some vegetables to roast and continued to complain to me about the car. I kept telling her she outright lied to me, then she went to bitch about me behind my back to my step-father to inflame him even more, as she knows he will be nasty and say all sorts of things to me. She didn't like that because of course I was calling her out on her lies.  She also told me I had no right to have the keys - when she gave to them and told me to take them before. Now she decides to rescind that, by lying about it. If she was honest and asked me for the keys honestly, I would give them to her. They're not my keys, it's not my car and I only drive it when I have permission to do so. I don't just forcibly take the keys!

Then, like a nutcase, she tries to put her arms around me and tell me, "mummy still loves you" like I am a recalcitrant 5-year old child that needs pacifying! I told her to leave me alone, that I did not want her touching me when she was just bitching about me less than a minute ago. How insane is this woman! And before I walked out of the room I told her that with a family like mine, I certainly did not need enemies. Her face changed to deep concern when I said that because something must have reached inside through her delusions to make her realise just what a bitch she is being to me.

The hypocrisy of this family is unbelievable

Yesterday, my mother had the audacity to tell me she "had" to use my computer because she needed to access the Internet to do some searches - she told me she had a number of searches she needed to do to find some items she was researching and that I needed to let her use it.

Yes that's right, she didn't ask, she told me that she had to use it, like I had no choice in the matter at all. Un-fucken-believable!

I told her I was busy right at that moment, so she again told me to let her know when the computer was free so she could use the Internet.

Of course I wasn't happy about this. She wont let me use her car, but expects to use my computer for hours to do some searches for some things she needs to find. What hypocrisy that is!

Earlier, when I asked her if I could use one of the cars to get to the post office to pay a bill, she told me that I had to pay for all of the registration costs before I would get the car. I told her that was not fair for me to pay for the whole of the registration costs when (a) it is not my car, not in my name and (b) I don't drive it every day and (c) I have to ask them when I can use it, because they have first right to it.

After a little while, I went to the kitchen, where she was washing dishes to confront her about this hypocrisy. I asked her how did it work for her to the use the Internet on my computer, when she wouldn't even let me use the car to make a trip to the local post office, which is only a few minutes drive away from their house.

Her answer: "It's different. The computer is nothing and the car costs money."

Oh. My. God. Her flagrant hypocrisy in unbelievable!

Everything is "different" when it comes to her. She has one set of rules for her and one set of rules for everyone else and then another set of rules for me!

I pay money for electricity and I pay money for Internet costs each month (which no-one else contributes any costs), so the computer is not free and it's not different. And besides which, if you ask someone permission to use their property, you are basically asking them to do you a favour. Now when you wont return the favour by refusing their request, how is that fair? That is not fair at all!

I told her that I wouldn't be giving her access to my computer and I would be taking the bus, which I did.

Really bad toothache from a chipped filling

I have a big chip in one of my fillings near one of my top molar teeth. I haven't had anyone look at it because I always get a lot of pain when I got to the dentist, even if they use the strong anaesthetic. I have realised it is because of my sinusitis that when the drill starts vibrating on the upper teeth, this is especially painful as it reverberates in my sinuses, which are really close to the roots of my teeth (basic anatomy) and then that causes pain in my teeth, more than would normally be felt. I only realised it when one dentist was working on my upper teeth and I was experiencing pain and discomfort, even with the anaesthetic. Yet when he drilled a tiny bit off the bottom of one tooth, there was no pain and he didn't even use anaesthetic. He was perplexed, but it was only after I left that I realised why.

So today, my upper pre-molar tooth is hurting me so badly, it feels like the nerve is pinched and that is a really horribly painful feeling - the pain feels like it's ululating and the whole of the right side of my jaw, both upper and lower teeth are feeling a referred pain! That's pretty painful, to say the least.

I didn't have anything to numb the pain, so I had to go out to the supermarket to get some cloves - they are the first aid to any dental pain, as they help to numb the gums and teeth and reduce the level of pain. They are really efficient and have been used for centuries to numb the mouth. Clove oil is also used for the same purpose.

I used two cloves at a time for about 15 minutes each, keeping them in place with my tongue in the position where I wanted them to stay.  The relief from the pain was almost instant. It was incredibly gratifying to have no pain, simply due to a little, humble flower bud from a spice.

The pain is now bearable, but it comes and goes. Hopefully I can get to sleep tonight. I don't have any cloves in my mouth now and it is so painful! So maybe it may not be easy to sleep tonight.

Really dizzy and nauseous tonight

Ugh! I have been feeling more and more nauseous and dizzy this evening. And I just don't have much of an appetite, other than for fresh vegetables, nuts and fruit. I cant stomach anything cooked, as it just makes me feel more nauseous and I really cant stomach any chocolates or sweet things, they also make me feel really ill.

I know this is a detoxification effect from massaging my legs like that last night, similar to what happens when you have an acupuncture treatment or lymphatic drainage massage, but really, this is just extreme! I would not have expected to continue to feel this sick for a whole day later. And not only that, but I feel really weak, lethargic and just want to sleep. This is crazy to be this affected by a massage - I wasn't even massaging deeply, I was just rubbing somewhat and tapping with the sides of my palms onto my legs. It was more of an invigoration of the muscles in my legs (upper and lower), thighs and backside rather than any type of deep massage.

I have had acupuncture treatments in the past and the first treatment usually causes this type of feeling (because the needles are supposed to re-invigorate the "chi" or energy and re-align the circulation and make everything flow properly again, which can make the toxins flow out and that can make you feel a bit ill), but only for the rest of the day, usually the next day I feel better. This, on the other hand, is major nausea and weakness, which I didn't feel at all like when I had acupuncture done. Maybe I really have a lot of toxins, dormant viruses or whatever else that have been moved around and they are making me feel sick. Really, this is crazy!

Earlier, I let the cat in and after he ate, he sat on the couch with me. I let him lie on my chest and as he fell asleep, so did I! That is so not like me to fall asleep like that. I was feeling very lethargic and drowsy. I didn't nap for long, as the cats jerked his leg in his sleep and that woke me up. I gently moved the cat from my chest to the corner of the couch so he could lie there and I got up and washed the dishes.

Well, I have an appointment with the doctor next week, when I can ask him what could possibly be happening to make me feel this sick.

It's only 10pm, but I am having major trouble staying awake. I just want to sleep. And this is not like me. I only feel this sleepy when I am really sick.

Oh well, at least one good thing has come out of this - I feel sick if I eat chocolate, so I will lose more weight! Maybe 1-2 kilos. You have to look on the bright side of these types of situations and as I get sick so much, I need to see a positive in it.

Learning to trust my intuition about people

A few months ago, I found a blog site which was really funny to read. The girl who wrote it seemed a bit crazy, but I thought that's probably because of the way she writes. I often left messages on her posts and she was appreciative of them (I did sign them with a pseudonym).

Now because her posts were totally over-the-top and outrageous, sometimes people got offended by them (not that she was talking about anyone they knew, she was talking about famous people, so it had nothing to do with them) and quite a few people would say all sorts of mean things to her in the comments.

One day, she told us, in a post, that someone had hacked into her email account and were threatening her, telling her they knew where she lived - stalking her basically - if she didn't stop writing her blog. She told us that she got "the authorities" involved to help her. Now, when I read this, it did seem really exaggerated and untrue to me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt as she was funny.

Recently, I sent her an email and we started communicating a bit. She told me she had cancer (it was a lie), then she had to go to hospital and her friend (really her) logged into her account and told me she had tumours in her stomach they had to remove as she was coughing blood, he first told me that several people knew of her medical condition, then later said that only two people knew about it. When she came back (pretending it was herself again), she then told me that I knew more about her condition than she did because I was communicating with her friend, as if the doctors would not have told her what happened! Then she said "her friend" got the information wrong about the tumours, that they removed lymph nodes in her stomach and there were many other things she said that sounded untrue. Right! What a damn liar! I think she didn't know what to say because I started using medical terminology and she wasn't able to contend with that, as she doesn't know as much as I do regarding the body's anatomy as I have studied it.

I hate it when people lie. And this girl is lying big time about some fictional condition she doesn't have, to try to make people feel sorry for her. What an idiot she is! Because I was so disappointed in her and her lies, I told her I was going to see family for a few weeks and I wouldn't have Internet access for a few weeks. I didn't hear back from her after that. She knows the gig is up and that I know she is bullshitting! What a fake! Another pathological liar! I wont be going back to her blog ever again!

Now that I have thought about it a bit, I think maybe she is a prisoner somewhere (or mental asylum) and has Internet access early in the mornings and late at night, because that's when she seems to post. And with the first outage, maybe she was on remand or something else. Or maybe she's just a nutter who likes the attention. One thing "her friend" (ie really her) said about the fans was that they "should step up to the plate and show their love for her by commenting about her illness". So whatever or wherever she is, these disappearances are just about creating some drama to get attention from the people who read her blog. Well, I am no longer someone who intends to play into that drama!

Feeling nauseous and sick since last night

Last night, I decided to give my legs a good massage, which I did for about 20 minutes. I did this to try to stimulate circulation in my legs, increase toxin release through the lymphatic system, reduce fluid retention and just warm up my lower extremities as it is rather cold here.

I massaged each leg vigorously with the chopping hand movement, pinching the skin (not hard, but enough) and rubbing each leg up towards the heart.  I did each leg separately and then both legs together.

By the time I was five minutes into it, I started getting really hot and had to turn off the heater and take off a few layers of clothes (I was dressed in long sleeved tops with a tank top underneath), so obviously I was stimulating my circulation really well.

When I finished it, I felt almost exhilarated and very warm all over. My legs felt so light when I finished that when I went for a walk out of my room and into the kitchen, it almost felt like I was walking on air, as if my padding was cushioned when I walked.

About two hours later though, when I went to bed, I started to feel extremely nauseous, my head started hurting, I felt very light-headed and dizzy. In fact, I felt very "off" physically.

While I was trying to sleep, I felt like I was hallucinating, because while I was falling asleep and dreaming, I was actually moderately awake, so I was aware of the dream-like sequences going on in my head, but because I was almost awake, it felt like I was just imagining these things myself, thinking I was actually awake and wondering why I was imagining and seeing all these totally unrelated and bizarre things in my head, so it really felt strange. This went on for a little while and when I realised what was happening, it allowed me to relax and just go with it, which enabled me to finally lose consciousness and properly fall asleep. I am not sure how long, as I don't use a digital clock in my bedroom, but eventually I fell asleep.

When I awoke this morning, I still felt very nauseous, light-headed and dizzy, but at least the headache was not present. I tried on my trousers, which felt looser than normal, so obviously the massage did help to stimulate my lymphatic system to remove any excess fluid in and around my cells.

I also think the vigorous massage must have worked so well and stimulated my lymphatic and circulatory systems so well, that all the toxins in my cells must have been released all at once into my bloodstream and that release is what has been causing me to feel unwell. I did have a glass of water last night and that made me feel a little less nauseous, so I just need to keep drinking more water to flush out the toxins out of my system.

LayZ boy left all of his possessions with his soon-to-be ex-wife

LayZ is such a gigantic fool. He left all of his possessions with his ex-wife HoGirl, because he thinks he can cajole and manipulate her into taking him back.

He got a compensation payment about 2-3 years ago and as soon as he got that and bought her things she wanted (his soon-to-be ex-wife is just as much of an manipulator and liar as he is - you know the saying, birds of a feather, flock together and all that...) and as soon as she spent most of the money, or put it in her bank account (yes, they had separate bank accounts and he put his pay into her bank account each fortnight, he never saw his money, instead, he got an "allowance" from her) HoGirl started telling him he was no longer required in her life and kicked him out a few times, but always let him come back to her. She kicked him out in the past, but he always managed to wheedle his way back in and to get back together. This time though, I think she had someone on the side, so she no longer needed LayZ boy, which is why she hasn't taken him back yet.

Personally, I think she was waiting for his compensation payment to come through, spend all his money and then kick him out.  I predicted it from the moment he got his payment, that she would kick him out, divorce him and take everything.  And that is exactly what is happening! All their furniture, all their mutual possessions remain in their house and LayZ boy got nothing other than his clothes and a few other personal belongings of his own.

How dumb is he that he would not try to contest their possessions so that they can be divided properly? He still thinks that she is going to take him back, that his lying and manipulative behaviour will make her want him back. He, like his mother, is so deluded and doesn't want to know that she has someone else. HoGirl cant be by herself, she is another one who has emotional problems, she also lives totally in deluded land, lies as soon as she opens her mouth and is very fake and manipulative - perfect match for LayZ boy - but alas, they are to be together no more. I think there are only a few more months left in the official year of separation, after which she will undoubtedly file for divorce. I am so glad I never have to associate with that fake, lying, backstabbing HoGirl any more - every birthday and other holiday was a pain having to deal with her and her fake nastiness and dirty looks, then pretending she is all lightness and sweetness when other people were around. Ugh! Good riddance to her!

Still feeling sick, but at least nice looking guys abound

I am feeling really sick again today and while I do not feel like going anywhere, I have a bill to pay (which I am late paying, as I forgot about it and need to pay today to avoid a late payment fee) and so I need to go to the post office. I got dressed and went to catch public transport to get to the city. While it is not windy today, it is rather cold, so that doesn't help me, being sick.

Yesterday, when I was catching the bus home, there was a really nice looking guy in a beanie waiting at the bus stop and there were also many other people too, but I noticed him because he was handsome. He also happened to catch the same bus as me and sat directly in front of me with his father who just happened to be on the bus. This guy was really tall - maybe about 6 foot 5 inches or so. Very very male and very manly, but he seemed like a really nice guy. That's the vibe I got from him when he was talking to his father. I took furtive glances at him in the glass windows, but I think he caught me one time. So if he caught me, he must have been looking at me too.

I thought I looked totally awful yesterday because I felt sick, but when I came home and saw my reflection in the mirror, I realised I looked nice, albeit looking a little tired.

Today, when I went to the post office, who did I see waiting in line, but the same guy! What a coincidence that was. He got served and went out really quickly, he didn't wait around as he was in a hurry (I heard him tell the person at the counter that he didn't put in enough money in his parking meter and was worried that he may get fined). I didn't really want him to see me today, because I didn't look that good today.

What a nice thing that was, to see the same guy two days in a row. Maybe I will see him again when I am feeling and looking much better?  How unexciting my life is that I get a thrill from seeing a good looking guy two days in a row!

Viral infection rears its head again

Yesterday I had to catch public transport back home and as it was rather a windy day, it was not such a good day for me to be walking around, because high winds cause a lot of pollen, dust and other things to be in the air and it's not good for me when I inhale it through my nose or mouth.
My body cant handle dust, pollen and other small particles, as they get caught up in my sinuses and lungs and make my sinuses hurt (I get pain in my frontal sinuses), my ears start to hurt too because for some reason those little particles must get in my ears too and clog them up as well and my lungs hurt too, inhaling those particles irritate my lungs and cause me to cough more and all of this causes an allergic reaction.  In addition to this, the air pressure changes when there are high winds and that also affects my sinuses by making them more sore and more prevalent to infection.

When these little particles clog up my airways, the airways get irritated, inflamed and this allows any lurking viruses to invade, because my immune system is not functioning properly and so the pathogens (viruses) can easily enter, unhindered, where they can multiply and cause infection. Obviously because I haven't been feeling at all well lately, there are always viruses around, ready to invade and infect me more, so doesn't take much to get me sick.

By the time I got home, I was feeling very lethargic and ready to lie down and sleep.  My lungs were quite sore and I was coughing a lot - the bronchitis cough. My sinuses were also sore and I was getting sharp pain from my ears, especially my right ear.

Today, I feel really sick again, even though I slept for about 10 hours last night - obviously I needed it, after not sleeping enough yesterday.