Feeling sick to my stomach

Now after this altercation with mother, I just feel so deflated and sick to my stomach, literally.

I feel so ill, my stomach hurts so much. Crampy, nauseous pain. And I just feel like crying.

It's just demoralising to have to be subjected to this crap almost on a daily basis.

First both my mother and step-father yell at me, bang on my door and are rude, nasty and obnoxious earlier this evening and just before my mother again steals the key from my bedroom, yells at me and tries to control me.

These people are absolutely vile and disgusting, so no wonder I feel ill.

My stomach feels queasy, like I am going to throw up and my lungs hurt, so I am coughing again.

And I feel absolutely deflated, like the energy has been knocked out of me and I just feel like crying.

They are such awful, awful people! My family? Ha! I don't need a family like that. They are no family.

How the hell am I going to handle the idiots

How can I handle being around these people who treat me so poorly?  How can I reconcile myself to the fact that I have such a horrible, shitty family who take pleasure in seeing me in pain?

They are absolutely vile, disgusting people.

I want nothing to do with them.

But dammit it's just hard to find a way out.

I am not working because I am sick.

I have severe allergies and cannot be in an enclosed room with people wearing strong perfumes or perfumed skin/hair/body care products because they may me ill - I get an allergic reaction so bad and am sick for days. So being in a meeting room, even an interview with someone that is wearing strong perfumes is completely out for me. I have multiple chemical sensitivities, unfortunately.

And because I am not working, I am not getting a proper income, which means it's difficult to find anything affordable to rent. But not only that, I wouldn't even be approved for anything because I am not working and the money I get wouldn't even cover the weekly rent, so I wouldn't even be able to afford food, electricity, phone, Internet or public transport because I would be in debt each week.

I cant share with anyone, because I am so allergic that I couldn't handle being around anyone who uses any type of products - body/hair/face as well as cleaning/laundry products - because they would make me ill. 

It's just such a difficult situation I find myself in and meanwhile the idiotic, nonsense family become more idiotic and nonsensical.

I am still waiting for that agency to get back to me about affordable housing - you pay only 25% of the money you get, so that is basically not very much at all. But the issue is that the housing market is so tight and there are not enough houses for the people who are looking. So I wait, in absolute hell. It just sucks big time.

I need to win some major prize in a lottery. That would sort out a lot of my problems. I could afford any type of property, especially those holiday rentals or serviced apartments that don't care if you work or not. I'd have to tell them to use my own products to clean the place, not their toxic stuff and it would be all good. I could stay there for a few months until an appropriate place came up for me and I could move immediately. Then I would have no more abuse.

Sick sick family

I just went to the shops to return some oranges that had started to go mouldy, even though I only bought them two days ago and when I came back my mother was up and ready to pounce on me, yet again. When I was going out, I went to the kitchen to get the bag of oranges and she was just lying there on the couch, in the dark, like a lunatic. Not sleeping, just lying there, pissed off.

I had just gone to the bathroom to brush my teeth and left the key in the lock on my door, so my sick mother pounced on the key and took it, because she looks for any opportunity that she can humiliate me and try to control me.

I told her to give me back the key, that it didn't belong to her and it was my room and that I could call the police to let them know she stole it. She just wanted to argue with me, telling me that I could no longer use the car because I have to pay for the all the petrol to use it. Umm I already pay for petrol and many times I paid for petrol and my step-father didn't put a cent in and yet he drove it more than I did, but this week, he put petrol in and asked me for money and I told him not to put the petrol in that day, to wait till the next day when petrol was cheaper, but he wouldn't so I told him I wouldn't pay for it.

She just kept arguing with me, just talking nonsense. I told them that when I left here, I would not be contacting her. She kept telling me I would. I reminded her when I didn't live here before, I hardly ever contacted her, that she phoned me all the time. She kept telling me I was lying. Yeah, right, I was telling the truth, but according to her, it was a lie, because it didn't justify the crap she was telling me. Then she started spouting about how she came to visit me when I was sick and again, I told her that she called me all the time so if I was sick and in hospital, I told her and she couldn't keep herself away because she is a paranoid freak. That's about the only time she shows affection and concern, when she thinks she will lose me, otherwise it's the abusive behaviour and yelling at me non-stop.  And of course during this time, LayZ boy was giving his opinion from his room, as if any of this concerned him, when it doesn't. He's such a gigantic moronic fool.

So just to make my mother realise she cannot control me, she cant come into my room without my permission I put on a YouTube video of Lady Gaga's Telephone video, the extended version really loud. So loud, that it drowned her screaming voice. And of course, because the idiot LayZ boy has nothing to do with it, he piped in with his opinion, but the music cut out his voice too, so I didn't have to hear his idiocy either. She tried to get inside, but I kept the door locked by holding the handle in the locked position and as I was at an advantage, she couldn't get it.

Soon she tired of her arguing and trying to steal the key and left. She left the key on the door and so I turned off the music to. But not before I had to hear the idiot LayZ boy telling me, "turn off the music you fucking idiot".

The people in my so-called family are appalling, disgusting, poor excuses for human beings.