How the hell am I going to handle the idiots

How can I handle being around these people who treat me so poorly?  How can I reconcile myself to the fact that I have such a horrible, shitty family who take pleasure in seeing me in pain?

They are absolutely vile, disgusting people.

I want nothing to do with them.

But dammit it's just hard to find a way out.

I am not working because I am sick.

I have severe allergies and cannot be in an enclosed room with people wearing strong perfumes or perfumed skin/hair/body care products because they may me ill - I get an allergic reaction so bad and am sick for days. So being in a meeting room, even an interview with someone that is wearing strong perfumes is completely out for me. I have multiple chemical sensitivities, unfortunately.

And because I am not working, I am not getting a proper income, which means it's difficult to find anything affordable to rent. But not only that, I wouldn't even be approved for anything because I am not working and the money I get wouldn't even cover the weekly rent, so I wouldn't even be able to afford food, electricity, phone, Internet or public transport because I would be in debt each week.

I cant share with anyone, because I am so allergic that I couldn't handle being around anyone who uses any type of products - body/hair/face as well as cleaning/laundry products - because they would make me ill. 

It's just such a difficult situation I find myself in and meanwhile the idiotic, nonsense family become more idiotic and nonsensical.

I am still waiting for that agency to get back to me about affordable housing - you pay only 25% of the money you get, so that is basically not very much at all. But the issue is that the housing market is so tight and there are not enough houses for the people who are looking. So I wait, in absolute hell. It just sucks big time.

I need to win some major prize in a lottery. That would sort out a lot of my problems. I could afford any type of property, especially those holiday rentals or serviced apartments that don't care if you work or not. I'd have to tell them to use my own products to clean the place, not their toxic stuff and it would be all good. I could stay there for a few months until an appropriate place came up for me and I could move immediately. Then I would have no more abuse.

Feeling sick - still

I still feel sick today.  I woke up feeling like crap, everything in my head hurting me, a bit of a fever, feeling very exhausted and my lungs also hurting, but I had some food (blueberry smoothie) and I feel a bit better and I also took my iron and multivitamin formula too.

Thankfully, now my head doesn't hurt like it did when I woke up.  I still have the fever, I still feel tired and my lungs hurt a bit, so at least one part is getting better, hopefully the rest will become better soon too. Here's hoping!

This is the whole problem with me.  I am always getting sick.  My immune system is so pummelled by the three idiots who I live with, the family who is supposed to love and support me, but who, instead give me abuse, violence and threats!  So no wonder I am so susceptible to getting viral infections all the time.  

I don't get so sick in other places, where I am nowhere near them.  I know that I am worse in the city I live in, but I think it really is them.  The constant negativity, the constant put downs, the constant demoralisation, the threat of violence and abuse, never feeling like I am safe, always on the defence, always needing to feel vigilant about my safety. All of this has to be bad for my immune system, which is being beaten down by this horrible behaviour.  It's not right or fair that I have to bear the brunt of their anger with the world - I am not at fault and I am not the problem.  It is them!

I need to get to sleep earlier tonight and have a more restful sleep to help give me the energy I need to feel better.  Actually I need to have a bit of a lie down now, as I am feeling very exhausted from being on the computer for a while!