Feeling dizzy and unwell again today

When I woke up today, I did so with great difficulty. I felt so exhausted and it felt very difficult to move my body. 

I had the alarm set for 9.45am, but when it went off, I changed it to go off at 10.45am instead and even though it went off every 20 minutes, I didn't get out of bed until about 1pm. So tired and feeling sick.

I found it very difficult to get to sleep last night. All of the nonsense with my brother upset me more than I realised and thinking about them all and the fact that I have absolutely no relationship with any of them upsets me a lot too. It's very difficult to live in the same house as people who are supposed to be your close family members, but instead who are totally unsupportive and unloving towards you.

Most of today I have been feeling hot and cold, have had the bronchial cough full on again and just feel really exhausted and lethargic. I just want to go to sleep. Earlier, when I was holding the cat in my arms and closed my eyes to rest them a little, I started to sway, like I was about to fall. My ears have been really hurting a lot since last night, so they are probably infected by a virus now too which is probably the reason why my lungs hurt again and causing me to cough. Ugh!

Because I feel so lethargic, I haven't really eaten much of anything today other than two cups of herbal tea (one peppermint, one rose hip), a row of organic dark chocolate and a packet of tangy chips. No wonder I am losing weight as that is not enough food!  I need to warm up the food I had yesterday to eat some proper food to provide me with some proper nutrition.

One good thing about today was that I got to speak to my grandmother to see how she is. My mother called her and I asked to speak to her after she finished talking to her. My grandmother is still in the hospital getting monitored by the doctors because she did have a heart attack, even though it was mild, it still did happen. I told her I was sorry I couldn't come but I have bronchitis and it wouldn't have been a good thing if I came to see her as I was sick. She told me that she could hear my voice sounded congested and not to worry, to take care of myself, she would be okay. I told her she needs to eat what they tell her as her diet is the basis of her ill health in regards to her heart disease. She listens but I don't think she takes much notice. She hears the same thing from my aunt and her husband (who also had a heart attack years ago), but as my uncle said, they cant monitor her eating every minute of the day, they can only do so much, she needs to take care of and responsibility for her own health.

LayZ boy cant articulate his thoughts in a cohesive manner

While I was cooking dinner yesterday, LayZ boy kept coming into the kitchen in his manic way, stomping on the floor as he walked, to make sure I heard him coming and then pretending to need water with ice in it (even though it's almost winter and it's cold enough to need heating), opening and closing the pantry and the fridge, but not taking anything out. He even went for a cigarette and came straight into the kitchen (because he knew I was there), just to provide me with the smell of his cigarette filled self to antagonise me, because he knows even just being around someone who has just had a cigarette I sneeze and cough, because the cigarette smell lingers around them for ages and besides which, he's been told not to come straight inside after having a cigarette because of the cigarette smoke trail it makes wherever he walks. But of course, he did that on purpose to antagonise me, because I wasn't paying him any attention.

LayZ boy used to do all sort of things to try to get my attention when we were children and living in the same house because he couldn't handle being by himself and wanted my attention so that I would play with him. He still behaves the same way today. A 40 year old man that still behaves like a five year old child.

I think he was trying extra hard to get my attention because he brought home and placed on the lounge room coffee table, two free weekly city community magazines that have crossword puzzles and sudoku puzzles that I always do when I grab them from different venues around town. LayZ boy put them there because he hadn't seem me with them this week and for some reason, wanted to provide them for me. Maybe the argument our mother had with her sister affected him on some level? But because he can't communicate, he can't actually articulate to me that he brought them for me and then he got pissed off because I treated him the same way I always treat him - I ignore him and his antics.

When will LayZ boy learn some communication skills?  When will he ever be a normal, mentally well human being?  Yeah I guess, never!

Lost a little weight around my stomach

Yesterday I had a few errands to run - had to go to the post office to pay some bills and get a few things from the supermarket, so I had to go out to the local shops to complete those errands.

I had a nice, long, luxurious shower and used my favourite organic body lotion to make my skin feel nice, which then made me feel nice too and washed my hair and styled it nicely before I left the house.

When I tried on my black khaki pants, I was surprised to find that they were looser on me than they were the last time I wore them! This means I have lost a little bit more weight around my stomach, hips and thighs in the past few weeks, which for any woman, is a good thing. I think I lost maybe 1-2 kilos, which on someone who isn't that big makes a difference.

I haven't been exercising much (a little each day, but not enough to cause the weight loss) as I have been feeling sick for the most part lately, but I haven't been eating much food during the day - I usually only eat 1-2 regular meals a day and maybe some snacks, like dark organic chocolate (that's every day), so my input of food in terms of energy each day isn't enough, probably isn't the recommended daily calorie intake, so of course I have lost a little weight.  Not a lot, but just a little, to make my trousers and jeans and even tracksuit pants, a little looser than normal.

The other good thing is that now my menstrual cycle has finished, my stomach went from the bloatedness it had to flat (well pretty flat considering I haven't been doing many exercises for toning the muscles), so that was also nice too. My stomach is pretty flat even without any exercise, as I have always exercised in the past, so the muscles have stayed strong. It's amazing how menstruation affects me - the bloating, the pain, the iron loss, the mental anguish, the extreme tiredness - and then when menstruation is finished, all of that is gone as if it never happened in the first place.

Anyway, after I came home yesterday, I made some really beautiful tasting baked chicken drumsticks, baked sweet potato and pumpkin and oven-roasted potatoes - all organic. The taste of the chicken itself was unbelievably sublime as I added some herbs and spices and garlic with it. The baked vegetables were also really delicious.  After I ate, I went to my bedroom and fell asleep for two hours - I think the cooking and waking up early not having enough sleep, must have taken all my energy.