LayZ boy is a stalker lunatic

I swear that LayZ boy has severe and major mental problems.

He sits in his room, curtains drawn, so that it is dark inside, television on, usually watching videos all day, sweating, smelly and vile.

Then, he goes out for a cigarette every hour or so and he walks past my room, to see what I am doing. He walks up and down stalking me, to the point where I am about to draw my curtains when I hear him go outside.

He is one sick lunatic!

What the hell is wrong with him and why is he looking into my room? What does he want to try to steal?

He is so jealous, so vindictive and such an idiot. He hates it that I have more than him and he wants what I have.

His idiot mother used to make me give my stuff to him when we were little kids, so now he thinks he has a right to my things. Assholes the lot of them.

And the thing is, if I tell him mother what he is doing, because he is such a good liar and manipulator, he'll tell her he didn't do that, that I am lying to make him look bad and she will believe him. And if she did believe me, she'd tell me that there is nothing wrong with him walking past my room, outside, up and down, like a stalker. Sick, sick, sick people!

I just want to shake the stupidity and lunacy out of them both!

Idiot!

The chaos that is this family - moodiness prevails

No wonder the counsellor keeps saying that I live in a chaotic environment (and have since I was a child), because I do. This is not a calm environment I live in and have never lived in. It is a very chaotic environment and one which is not good for me.

To have to contend with people who behave this way is not healthy.

The three of them are totally unpredictable - I never know what kind of mood they will be in from one day to the next, nor how they will respond to anything I do or say. It's very unstable and makes me feel very unsure about my life.

No wonder I have always felt that I haven't had sure footing in life, that I haven't felt like I belonged anywhere and that I haven't felt like I could count on anyone. How could I when I have been exposed to nonsense like this all my life and haven't known anything else.

I have finally realised why I have always attracted and been attracted to similar people to my family - those who use and disrespect me - because these are the only people who feel familiar to me and are what I am used to and know well.

I am starting to recognise the insanity for what it is now and that is making it worse with my parents because I am speaking up for myself and they don't like that and want to shut me down. That is sad that I have to tolerate that nonsense.

At least with the counselling and reading, I have been working on my self-worth and self-love, to make myself a stronger person who doesn't have to take crap from anyone.

You know the other day, I started to feel really sad. I felt really sad because I was grieving the childhood I never had and the good family I never had and I told myself that it was okay to feel this way, that it was normal to feel sad about that which I never had growing up, but which I should have had and was entitled to have. That made me feel better to know that.

My family is mentally unwell - part 2: the brother

LayZ boy, the brother has a range of mental health issues.

LayZ boy is very vindictive and into punishing others for their alleged transgressions against him. He will bide his time, waiting for an opportunity to do something to hurt you, if he thinks he has the power to do so. And to me, he thinks he does, because his mother gives him permission to do so, by always encouraging him and always protecting him. Great.

LayZ boy has psychopathic tendencies.

I watched a documentary about a man who was being tested for being a psychopath and it was just like watching my brother in action. The guy on the doco kept on telling the people studying him that he was very much a narcissist (exactly what LayZ boy has said about himself on many an occasion), he was very paranoid (just like LayZ boy - if I repeat to LayZ boy what he has told me before about himself, LayZ boy accuses me of spying on him) and he was abusive and obnoxious, more so when he thought the cameras were not on and behaved more "normally"when the cameras were on (exactly like LayZ boy, who says and does the most obnoxious and aggressive things when I am not holding a camera but who then behaves like a model citizen when the cameras are on, or when other people are around).

The guy in the doco was also very manipulative and lied a lot (that is also like LayZ boy) and he had no qualms about hurting people (just like LayZ boy) and had very little feelings for anyone else (just like LayZ boy) and didn't think twice about using others (just like LayZ boy).

The other thing that has been happening lately, is that LayZ boy has become even more manic than usual, so I wonder if he also has bipolar disorder too, just like his mother. LayZ boy seems to go on these manic highs and depressive lows, alternating between them. I don't think he really knows what he's doing to some extent.

LayZ boy is very mentally unwell. A normal person would not behave this way.

So no wonder his mother cant see that LayZ boy is so mentally unwell - that is because she is too and is in such denial about her mental health issues, that if she acknowledges her son's mental illness, she has to acknowledge her own and she wont do that.

At least now I have some understanding why.

My family is mentally unwell - part 1: the mother

Now that I have been working and am away from my family most of the day and with the counselling I have been getting and the reading I have been doing, I can see them with more objective eyes.

It's even more apparent that my mother and brother are mentally unwell.

While I am not a psychiatrist or even psychologist, I am quite smart and have been around them for a long time, so know my family and their behaviours really well, so I am in a good position to pinpoint their symptoms and try to work out what is wrong with them. Of course they would never concede to any diagnosis, but at least I will know.

The mother has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) to a mild extent. She tends to check and re-check everything, even coming back home when she thinks she has left the door open. My mother also has bipolar disorder. She is so moody and can snap at you about anything.

The mother yells a lot, is very angry and upset one moment and the next, she's all happy and relaxed. Something can upset her one day and the next it doesn't. If she wants something from me, she's very manipulative. If I don't give her what she wants, she yells at me and tells me she wont give me xyz next time I ask.

The other day the cat came in with another cats' claw in his upper paw and I asked the mother to get it out while I held the cat (actually it was her suggestion). She couldn't get it out and the cat became very agitated and upset. Finally I calmed the cat and the mother told me to hold it down so she could try again (she was trying to pull out the other cat's talon with tweezers, but all she seemed to be pulling, was the cat's skin and upsetting him). I told her no, that we should just leave the cat for now, as her technique wasn't working and was only upsetting the cat. The mother didn't like that, told me that I just wanted everything my way and that I was so stubborn.

I took the cat to the family room, where he hid under the couch, because he was obviously upset and didn't want any put rough handling.

I had some cold chicken in the fridge, so I cut off a tiny bit and took it to him, putting my hand (with the chicken on it) under the couch to let him smell it and eat it. To try to cajole him out. He did eat it without swiping me. I went back to the kitchen to get some more meat, to try to use it to cajole the cat out from under the couch. The mother started yelling at me, telling me to stop putting meat under the couch (I wasn't doing that, the meat was on my hand and from there it went into the cat's mouth) and that what I was doing wouldn't work, that the cat wouldn't come out from the couch, that I was stupid and stubborn for doing it. So unnecessary and so wrong. The next thing I see, is the cat right next to me, waiting for the chicken I was going to feed him. He is a smart cat. The mother on the other hand, is such a bitch. She wants to force the cat to do what she wants and calls me stubborn for telling her to stop that and to let the cat come out of his own accord (or cajole him with food).

I just shake my head when I think about her and her comments. She always puts me down and says derogatory things about me, for no reason other than to make me feel bad. She just cannot stop putting me down. According to her, everything I do is totally wrong, I cant do anything right. Yet, that is not true. She just tries to make me feel that way with the mean and nasty things she says to me, so needlessly.

The mother tends to hide her nasty behaviours or be on her best behaviour when she is around other people she doesn't know well, or when she is around people she thinks she needs to impress. But, when she behaves as obnoxiously to people as she does to me (these are people she thinks she doesn't need to impress and doesn't care about), they do not like her one bit and tell me how sorry they feel for me that I have a mother like that. Yeah, don't I know it!

Hyocrisy in action

The house I live in at present with the lunatic nutcase family has a slow combustion cast iron fireplace in the family room, to heat the house.

After the argument tonight, the mother and step-father went out to their local pub and told me to get out of the family room, otherwise they were going to spray it with LayZ boy's strong perfume, because they know it affects me adversely (I have multiple chemical sensitivities).

Now, their son is at home, but he is more concerned with behaving like a manic nutcase and banging on walls and making off-key attempts to sing (and annoy me), smoking his cigarettes and just making lots of noise, than to keep the fire going for his parents, so that it's still warm when they get home.

Needless to say, the fire has gone out, as it's been several hours since they left and the fire has not had more wood put on it. I wont. I normally do, but I wont today after their vile behaviour.

They, of course wont chastise LayZ boy for not keeping the fire going. They don't because as far as they are concerned, he doesn't need to be responsible for anything, only me. As if that is fair or normal. It's just such hypocrisy to have all these expectations of me, but none of him. And, to put the onus and responsibility on me, when they put none on him.

What are they going to do when they get old and sick and LayZ boy is still living here? Are they going to continue to do everything for him - wash his dishes, wash his clothes, warm the house for him?

I felt like shit tonight

I felt like killing myself tonight.

I really felt like just ending it. Ending the misery that is my life.

I thought about slashing my wrists and letting the lifeblood run right out. And end this horrible misery I find myself in.

I went to my room and cried my heart out after they all continued to yell at me.

I felt so awful.

This is not a family.

These are horrible, awful people, who don't understand how to treat anyone with respect or decency.

These people are so ignorant and abusive and obnoxious and continue to blame me for their actions.

They never take responsibility for anything they do or say. They make me feel like everything that is bad is my fault, even though it isn't. They even tell me that all the time, "everything is your fault".

And the mentally unwell idiot LayZ boy walks past my room, up and down, calling me a "loser" and yet it's him who has not teeth. It's him who is unemployable. It's him whose wife cheated on him and wont have anything to do with him. It's him who has no prospects in life. Not me.

The step-father who is clinically insane

Today we had another argument - the three of them vs me.

I asked my mother where my lottery scratchy ticket (which was on the table in the family room) was, as it was no longer there.

My step-father immediately and aggressively says, "You idiot, you cant keep your junk on the coffee table. I threw it away. What are you going to do about it?"

What kind of a response was that? I wasn't even speaking to him in the first place.

I then told my mother that I had it there earlier in the week and now it was gone. I asked her again where it was, because it was either her or my step-father who moved it, as I did not.

The argument escalated with my step-father yelling at me and telling me I was a "lazy bludger" and that he would throw anything of mine that was on the coffee table.

My mental step-father then proceeded to remove some of my food (in their plates) from the refrigerator and threw them in the sink filled with other dishes and water, proceeding to break all the dishes, telling me that everything in the refrigerator was his food and he could do whatever he wanted with it.

My step-father then threw his shoes at me. He got me with one. I threw them back at him, but missed.

The step-father also tried to come over to me, tried to hit me. He kept on coming at me and talking like he was not in possession of his mental facilities. He told me that he would kill me if I didn't leave right then and there. He would go to jail, but at least I would be dead.

Both my brother LayZ boy and my mother told me that this argument was all my fault. And when I said that the step-father needs to take responsibility for his actions, they said that it was my responsibility, not his. They are just so deluded.

Just another night in the mental house with the mentally unwell people.

Stayed right away from the nonsense family yesterday

Yesterday, I just stayed in my bedroom all day, other than toilet breaks and getting food, which I quickly brought back to my bedroom.

I have to really furtively open my door and go to the kitchen without making any noise, because if the stalker brother LayZ boy hears that I have gone to the kitchen, he immediately comes out of his room, to follow me in the kitchen.  He did that on one occasion this evening, but I managed to get out of there quickly before his highly perfumed self could affect me.

Earlier in the day, I stood outside in the backyard, near the doorway of the pergola, reading some advertisements that came in the mail and basking a bit in the nice sunshine - it was a sunny day today. It was so lovely to have the sun on my face and arms. It really made me feel good. I need to do that more often when LayZ boy is not around.

I was only there for about 5 minutes, because the idiot LayZ boy must have heard me turning the pages of the paper advertisements because at one point he opened his window to hear better and when he looked out, he must have thought he could see me, so he went to our parent's bedroom to have a better look (their bedroom looks out onto the pergola) and as soon as he saw me, out he came to have a cigarette right next to where I was standing. He didn't go to the toilet, which he does sometimes in their ensuite, he opened their bedroom door to have a look on the pergola to see if I was there.

Of course I moved back inside to my bedroom as soon as I heard him opening the screen door of the pergola, so it didn't affect me, but his stalker mentality is sickening and something I wish I didn't have to contend with at all.

I am just on such high alert every day, having to be alert for him coming anywhere near where I am, having to be furtive so that he cant hear me when I leave my bedroom, so that he doesn't follow me with his highly perfumed self or highly perfumed and strongly cigarette smoke self.  It's an awful way to live your life, it's awful to have mentally ill family members who are vindictive and psychopathic and other members covering for them, pretending that they are indeed normal when they are so obviously not.

Mocking me and dismissing me

All this family does is to mock me, abuse me and dismiss me.

They have not changed since I was a child and having LayZ boy living here, it brings the old dynamics to the fore ever more. He is mentally unwell. Anyone that hears how he really behaves and what he really says to me say the same thing: "LayZ boy is sick in the head, he is violent and abusive and not a normal person." LayZ boy is a coward who would never behave the way he does to me in front of his parents, in front of anyone else. It's only because his parents allow him to get away with his shitty behaviour that he continues to do it - they give him a free pass because they don't do anything to stop him. He calls me names, he tells me to "fuck off" and says derogatory things about me in front of his parents and they say nothing to him. And if I start yelling at him to stop, I get yelled at and told off and they start to come near me to try to hit me, or throw my things around the place. It's absolutely ridiculous! And on and on I suffer.

Then my step-father continues to mock me at every chance he can get. Everything I say or do is an opportunity for him to mock me and laugh at me. I can ignore him, but he continues to do it, like a rabid animal. And if I tell him to stop it, to stop saying it, he starts getting abusive and wants to hit me. He gets all indignant, like how dare I tell him to stop talking, who the hell am I to tell him to stop talking, that he can do whatever the hell he wants. Sick, sick, sick.

And my mother, well she just leaves the house, totally ignores the situation and pretends it's not happening. But not before telling me off, telling me that its "all in my head" and that I am "mentally unwell" - totally dismissing my health because as far as she is concerned, there is nothing wrong with me. Right, so projecting her son's insanity and her delusions and her husband's volatility onto me because I am standing up for my rights! Oh that's right, I forgot, I don't have any rights in this house (according to them) and they are allowed to control me (again, according to them). Yeah, right, how terrible of me to forget the rules of the mental house and to want to have a peaceful, normal existence! That's just too much for these mentally unwell people to handle.

I am thinking about posting the videos of the other night, when they were abusing me, so that other people can see how awfully abusive they are.

More violence and abuse tonight

What a horrid evening I have had this evening!

Earlier tonight, the three of them (mother, step-father and brother) were having dinner and I was about to go to my bedroom to watch television when I heard the television was still on in LayZ boy's room. I went back into the kitchen to tell my mother and step-father that his television was on and that they seemed to have two rules - one for them and one for me. They yell and scream at me if I leave the TV on for just a moment while I go out of the room (of course I am coming back), but when it comes to them, they can leave a TV on for hours in another room and that's okay. They just told me to get lost.

So I went to my bedroom to get my mobile phone which has a good camera, to take a picture of the idiot brother LayZ boy and he just started yelling at me, calling me a "mental loser", so I started videotaping it all. My step-father then started going ballistic, as did my mother. My step-father tried to throw things at me, but my mother and brother LayZ boy stopped him (he had a knife at one point and was threatening to throw it at me and I was videotaping everything). My mother came towards me to try to take my phone away from me, as did my step-father. My brother kept threatening me, telling me that if he stood up and had to stop me videotaping, then there would be trouble. I kept videotaping everything they said and did - and they did a lot of vulgar, horrible stuff, threatening me non-stop. My mother grabbed my arm trying to get my phone away - I think I have bruises from the violent way she took hold of me, while she was yelling and screaming at me.

The three of them were like wild animals. Finally I caught them in their sick mental behaviour and they did not like it one bit. They kept saying I was sick in the head - yeah me, I don't think so! It's the three of them who are the mentally unwell ones. They just keep on with the violence and abuse and think I "asked for it".

These people are not normal. They act ballistic and mental because I took a photo of my brother and then videotaped his reaction. That was all it took for them to start abusing me!

The photo that I posted here is the one that caused all the problems with them. You cant even see my brother LayZ boy's face, so it's not like he is recognisable. They're just abusive, volatile, violent people who just want to treat me like shit and think it's okay to do so. They're just horrible!

LayZ boy is behaving more erratically and weirdly

Yesterday evening, LayZ boy came home, around dusk, just when the sun had set and it was starting to get a bit darker outside.

He comes into the house with his dark sunglasses on, into the dark hallway, as if he is a nutcase, who can see through the dark! And as I was walking through the hallway at the same time, he just bumped into me, because he couldn't see anything!

The weirdo LayZ boy often walks around the house with his sunglasses on, even when there is no sun outside, but of course, he wears them inside prior to and after going outside, as if the house has such glare that it's too bright for him to contend with, without some Polaroid protection! That, or else he's just a complete nutter who doesn't understand that sunglasses are not necessary at night, except for maybe wanna-be or very pretentious celebrities.

Last night LayZ boy went out for his snacks at 2am - he was hungry for his junk food - and when he came back in, he scared me, because he looks totally like a burglar! He wears a thick black beanie, with a tartan/plaid, lumberjack-type parka, very dark, casual clothes under it and with a serial killer expression on his face. Even our step-father has said that LayZ boy scares him when he sees him, because he looks like a total nut-case, weirdo! And coming from that volatile man who is my step-father, that is saying something! LayZ boy is the quintessential stereotype of what you get in movies when they show a weird loner, who is about to kill everyone because he's mentally unstable.

LayZ boy also bumped into me in the hallway again, this time because I was trying to get to my bedroom before he got out of the toilet, stinking it up and as I had a small bowl of watery, warm milk for the cat, I almost spilled it because the idiot LayZ boy just walks in front of me, without watching where he is going, or giving a damn that I am there. And then the idiot calls me a "loser", because he almost made me spill the milk! I think I told him to get lost! Geez he is such a piece of shit!

LayZ boy is so vile. He has such bad hygiene. He doesn't shower for months, doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet, doesn't put the fan on after doing a poo in the toilet, uses the same hand to pee and smoke his cigarettes. Who would voluntarily live with a pig like that? Then in a very weird way, he has OCD, so he has to have things a certain way, otherwise he goes ballistic. He's so mentally unwell.

Seriously, LayZ boy just sits in his room, watching videos all day, like he has major mental problems (and yes, he does), or he's really manic and jumping around the place. Yet his mother thinks LayZ boy is "just going through a hard time because of his separation". Yeah right! And his mother is so totally deluded about her son, thinking that. She just wont face reality about him. He needs mental help, big time. He has serious mental problems.

LayZ boy is obsessed with our parents will

LayZ boy has absolutely no sense whatsoever, but then again, what do you expect from someone without any intellect and who is seriously mentally unwell?

Today, while we were arguing, he kept telling me that he was going to make sure that our parents gave him administration rights to their estate (they are not dead) so that he controls all of their estate and then he can make sure I get none of their estate when they die.

He quite often talks about our parents estate and their will and how much he is going to get when they die. I shudder to think about exactly what he plans. What kind of person obsesses about something like this?

I told him that it's more likely that he will die before they do and in any case, they have told me they are splitting it up 50:50 to us each. LayZ boy kept on going on about the will and how he would make sure he got control so I would get nothing. He is obsessive and demented. Really demented.

When our parents came home, our mother was in the kitchen talking to LayZ boy like he did nothing wrong. She totally trusts him. It doesn't matter that I see him with my own eyes going through their drawers, she just tells me, "I don't see him do any of this". So basically she wants to keep her eyes closed and pretend its not happening, meanwhile, that means he will keep on going. This time I told her that he was rifling through drawers and that he was also talking about their will, telling me he was going to try to take control of everything when they died. LayZ boy got so angry (because I was telling her the truth and he did not want her to hear what his sick, ugly mind comes up with) and kept saying, "I am going to hit her (me) if she doesn't shut up". Then he tried to defend himself and was stumbling on his words, trying to lie his way out of it. Mother, of course says nothing and tells him she'll be going to the shops with him soon. Fucking mental. Both of them.

It is unbelievably frustrating to come across this bloody mindedness. Our mother is simply deluded. Totally and utterly deluded. She will not hear anyone say anything against him and will let him get away with everything he does.This just sets him up to continue to behave in an abominable and belligerent way with no consequences for his action, ever. He knows he can get away with anything with his mother, so he continues to behave fake in front of her (sucks up to her big time) and behind her back, he looks through her documents and probably takes things to use them for his illegal activity (he tried to forge his ex-wife's signature many times, tried to fraudulently get a credit card under his wife's name, but assigned to him, he lies to people to get their money and possession promising them the world, but giving nothing in return and almost getting bashed in the process).

From now on, he can do whatever he wants to do in their room - he can steal their stuff (like he used to do) and they can deal with the consequences. I am done with that non-entity. LayZ boy is no longer related to me. As far as I am concerned, he is dead to me.

LayZ boy gets more aggressive today

Today LayZ boy again tried to get my attention. He really is insane.

I woke up early and did some household duties (washed the dishes and cleared up the sink), but it seemed that no-one was home, so I felt wonderful to be free from the three non-entities who live here and treat me like crap.

Unfortunately, that bliss wasn't to last long.

While I was with the chickens feeding them some greens, LayZ boy came outside, hair totally unkempt and sticking up everywhere and lit up his cigarette just near where I was, so that he could blow his cigarette smoke at me, because he knows it makes me ill. What a complete idiotic person he is!

I waited until he moved away a little and went inside. I still had some more to feed the chickens, but I thought it better if I did it later, because the air out there was going to reek of cigarette smoke, as LayZ boy seems to think he should smoke next to the chicken enclosure, so they can breathe in the smoke. Totally sanctioned by his mother.

I had intended to wash my undies, but I couldn't go to the pergola (that's where the laundry is) because it stunk so badly of cigarette smoke as LayZ boy left the door open, so I had to wait a while. When I did go out to the pergola to hand wash my undies, LayZ boy must have seen me when he went to the toilet (the entry to the toilet looks in on the pergola) and decided that he wanted to come out to have a cigarette right then. I, of course, left the pergola, but not before closing the door, so that his cigarette smoke didn't pervade inside. Luckily I had finished washing and rinsing the undies, I just had to hang them out on the clothes line. About half an hour after he came inside, I hung out my undies on the clothes line. So again, I thwarted his little plan. And while I know he likes to blow cigarette smoke on my clothes, I didn't think he would do it to my undies, as that would have been really weird even for a nutcase like him.

When I went back outside later to take my now dry undies off the clothes line, I saw LayZ boy rifling through our parents drawers, looking through their papers and other documents. I told him that I would be letting his mother know what he did and he denied it, of course. Then he called me a "loser" and started going off his head at me. He even pushed me hard - I had my phone in my hands holding it up and he pushed it against my teeth. What an aggressive, belligerent fool.

He then called his mother but she didn't answer, as I did too but I got through. I told her what he did and meanwhile, LayZ boy stood outside my door, listening to my conversation. He got so upset that I got to her first before he was able to lie to her and started calling me a "loser" and told me how "fucked up" I was for telling her what he did. Then he walked to his room yelling loudly and continued to talk to himself for about 10 minutes. He is not a normal person. He is mentally unwell.

LayZ boy cant articulate his thoughts in a cohesive manner

While I was cooking dinner yesterday, LayZ boy kept coming into the kitchen in his manic way, stomping on the floor as he walked, to make sure I heard him coming and then pretending to need water with ice in it (even though it's almost winter and it's cold enough to need heating), opening and closing the pantry and the fridge, but not taking anything out. He even went for a cigarette and came straight into the kitchen (because he knew I was there), just to provide me with the smell of his cigarette filled self to antagonise me, because he knows even just being around someone who has just had a cigarette I sneeze and cough, because the cigarette smell lingers around them for ages and besides which, he's been told not to come straight inside after having a cigarette because of the cigarette smoke trail it makes wherever he walks. But of course, he did that on purpose to antagonise me, because I wasn't paying him any attention.

LayZ boy used to do all sort of things to try to get my attention when we were children and living in the same house because he couldn't handle being by himself and wanted my attention so that I would play with him. He still behaves the same way today. A 40 year old man that still behaves like a five year old child.

I think he was trying extra hard to get my attention because he brought home and placed on the lounge room coffee table, two free weekly city community magazines that have crossword puzzles and sudoku puzzles that I always do when I grab them from different venues around town. LayZ boy put them there because he hadn't seem me with them this week and for some reason, wanted to provide them for me. Maybe the argument our mother had with her sister affected him on some level? But because he can't communicate, he can't actually articulate to me that he brought them for me and then he got pissed off because I treated him the same way I always treat him - I ignore him and his antics.

When will LayZ boy learn some communication skills?  When will he ever be a normal, mentally well human being?  Yeah I guess, never!