My family is mentally unwell - part 2: the brother

LayZ boy, the brother has a range of mental health issues.

LayZ boy is very vindictive and into punishing others for their alleged transgressions against him. He will bide his time, waiting for an opportunity to do something to hurt you, if he thinks he has the power to do so. And to me, he thinks he does, because his mother gives him permission to do so, by always encouraging him and always protecting him. Great.

LayZ boy has psychopathic tendencies.

I watched a documentary about a man who was being tested for being a psychopath and it was just like watching my brother in action. The guy on the doco kept on telling the people studying him that he was very much a narcissist (exactly what LayZ boy has said about himself on many an occasion), he was very paranoid (just like LayZ boy - if I repeat to LayZ boy what he has told me before about himself, LayZ boy accuses me of spying on him) and he was abusive and obnoxious, more so when he thought the cameras were not on and behaved more "normally"when the cameras were on (exactly like LayZ boy, who says and does the most obnoxious and aggressive things when I am not holding a camera but who then behaves like a model citizen when the cameras are on, or when other people are around).

The guy in the doco was also very manipulative and lied a lot (that is also like LayZ boy) and he had no qualms about hurting people (just like LayZ boy) and had very little feelings for anyone else (just like LayZ boy) and didn't think twice about using others (just like LayZ boy).

The other thing that has been happening lately, is that LayZ boy has become even more manic than usual, so I wonder if he also has bipolar disorder too, just like his mother. LayZ boy seems to go on these manic highs and depressive lows, alternating between them. I don't think he really knows what he's doing to some extent.

LayZ boy is very mentally unwell. A normal person would not behave this way.

So no wonder his mother cant see that LayZ boy is so mentally unwell - that is because she is too and is in such denial about her mental health issues, that if she acknowledges her son's mental illness, she has to acknowledge her own and she wont do that.

At least now I have some understanding why.

The manic nutcases in this family

This afternoon, the step-father was having a shower.

He either forgot to get some underpants, or his wife forgot to leave some out for him.

The step-father came out of the shower  and started yelling to his wife to get him some undergarments.

His wife yelled back to him, telling him to remember to get his own undergarments before he went into the shower. The step-father yelled to her to get his underwear.

LayZ boy heard all of this and started saying: "Mother, you better get step-father his underwear. He cant walk around without underwear. Mother. Mother. Mother. Get his underwear. Mother. Come on Mother, get step-father's underwear," finishing off with a laugh, as he must have thought his comments were hilarious.

I was in the kitchen for the duration of this exchange between the three manic nutcases, so I was not part of it, but because they were all yelling so loudly, I heard every comment made.

LayZ boy is in a manic mood again

My brother LayZ boy is in a manic mood, yet again and it's not even Monday, so that he can excuse it on "Manic Monday-itis"!

He is in his bedroom, banging things really loudly, jumping up and down on the wooden floors, making a lot of noise!

And every time he leaves his room, he starts talking to himself as he runs down the hallway to get to the kitchen or he bangs the doors loudly as he opens and closes them to get outside to have a cigarette.

Neither of the parents are at home so he has no-one to talk to, no-one to ramble on his incoherent ramblings with, so he talks to himself and makes as much noise as he can because he needs to make himself be heard. Yet, I still ignore him, wherever I am (usually in my bedroom), but he still continues, probably because he has no ability to control his actions.

I do think he has manic depression (bipolar disorder), with his wild mood swings, manic behaviour, which is then coupled with his low mood and inability to talk much to anyone, cloistering himself in his room and ignoring even his bosom buddy, his equally deluded mother.

Update: Actually, after a full hour of his manic behaviour (banging things loudly, jumping up and down in his room, running up and down the hallways, talking to himself), LayZ boy has finally calmed down and is no longer in his manic mood. He's such a weirdo!

I think my brother has some mental health issues

I definitely think my mother and brother have mental illnesses.

My brother LayZ boy has admitted that he has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), although he will deny it vehemently if you question him about it another time. He's very weird in that way. He'll tell you the truth about something in a very small window of opportunity for the truth that he opens up every so often, but if you ask him about it later, he'll slam you and tell you that you are sick in the head for suggesting such a thing! As if he never said such a thing to you in the first place. I am not sure what that is about, but it sure is not normal behaviour.

LayZ boy is also very manic. He often gets all excited and starts doing all these manic things, like running up and down the hallway, banging on the walls, talking to himself (very loudly), talking to the cat (also very loudly) and very obnoxiously. During this manic phase, he starts talking fast, loudly and incoherently. In addition, there are so many times when he does all sorts of things around here, starts measuring for his "home stereo" locale and talks very loudly and rather incoherently to me about things that make no sense whatsoever, answering questions I have never even asked him and then telling me what a fool I am because I don't know of his plans. Yeah, sure, LayZ boy, you are not sick in the head!

Then LayZ boy has his down times, where he functions very slowly and acts like a sloth. He just sits in his bedroom and watches DVDs all day without eating properly or doing anything else but smoke his cigarettes and behaves like he is very depressed.

I am beginning to think LayZ boy has bipolar disorder, which is very consistent with the up and down and very inconsistent and extremely exaggerated ways he behaves.

LayZ boy also has very big problems with his anger - he has no impulse control, he gets angry very quickly and cant control it. I think that's because he has no ability to use rational and logical thinking - all of his thinking is very exaggerated and irrational, based probably on fear.

Then LayZ boy takes sleeping pills almost every night, to lull him into an artificial slumber and as these medications are very addictive and can produce depression and anger symptoms, then no wonder he behaves the way he does. Additionally, LayZ boy takes a very strong opioid medication (Oxycontin) which is akin to heroin for his "pain" and as that medication is addiction-causing and can cause depression, anger and a whole host of other negative emotions (due to the way it works on the neurotransmitters), no wonder LayZ behaves the way he does.  These medications just make worse the worst of his personality and cause his mental illness issues to get much much worse.

I used to always think my mother must have dropped him on his head really hard when he was a child and that is why he behaved the way he did. She probably did. Neither my mother nor LayZ boy will admit he has huge problems.

Lovely with no Lay-Z boy around

It's been so nice to have the house basically to myself with no LayZ boy around and no mother around has been nice too, as you cant ever tell whether she is in a good mood (and be nice to you) or bad mood and will bite your head off (figuratively) for no reason.

There is no manic person running from his room to the lounge room, piling his glass with ice (and it's freezing weather at the moment in late autumn), only because he wants to come into the room that I am in to imbue it with his smell so that I will not feel well. He even blows around the room with his mouth when he walks into the lounge room just before going into the kitchen and sometimes flaps his arms around too. He is the definition of insanity!  I totally ignore him, but he continues to do this. When it's day time, he will stomp really hard on the floor to make a lot of noise when he's walking from his room to the lounge room, irrespective of whether I in my bedroom or the lounge room, to try to intimidate me in some way.  He also bangs on the walls of the hallway, near my bedroom if he knows that I am there, also in order to annoy and antagonise me. That is not what a normal, mentally well person does.  So the fact that he was not around last night and most of today has been a blessed relief.  It has been wonderful not to have to be subjected to his idiotic, manic behaviour and total childishness.

Not only that, but  LayZ boy stinks! He doesn't shower regularly - about once a month!

My mother, another manic person is also unpredictable - you never know whether she is upset about something or whether she is happy - she can change moods within seconds. She criticises me for doing something that she has either just done or just about to do. And when she does it, I remind her that she shouldn't criticise me for something that she does, her response is: "It was different when I did it, I didn't mean to do it." Of course. What she means is that I don't do things accidentally, only she does. I only do things on purpose and she never does. Yes right, of course! Such a big hypocrite. And then she'll yell at me for daring to disagree with her. Oh boy, it is difficult with someone like her. I have often wondered if she has some sort of mental disorder, as she does seem to have symptoms - erratic, major delusions, emotions change quickly, liar, emotionally manipulative, rages, vindictive, hateful, hurtful, angry - I have always though that maybe she needed help for her issues, but of course she would never admit there was anything wrong with her, because she is so deluded.

Not having both LayZ boy and my mother around last night and today has been such a relief - there has been no-one here to annoy and antagonise me.

Sore throat and lungs

Anyway, today my throat is so sore from screaming at them yesterday. I was screaming at them to stop touching my things, to stop violating my rights, to stop invading my boundaries and to allow me to have my own things without anyone invading my right to privacy.

I didn't say it so articulately, I just told him to stop touching my things, that LayZ boy has no right, absolutely no right to touch anything of mine, ever.  I just screamed and screamed and screamed because I was so frustrated with them, but of course, they don't take any notice.

Needless to say, not only is my throat sore today, but so are my muscles surrounding the outside of my throat as I was yelling so much.  I was so incredibly frustrated with them for violating my rights yet again.  It's just an awful feeling!

After I started screaming, my mother came up to see what the calamity was and told LayZ boy so weakly that he shouldn't touch my things, but of course he didn't want to hear it and closed the door in her face - that is how he reacts when she tries to tell him anything about me and my rights and boundaries. He simple shuts her out and tells her to go away and then starts telling me to "fuck off" and calling me a loser. He acts just like a five year old child would behave, not a grown adult.

Meanwhile, my step-father is just laughing and yelling loudly, imitating me, mocking me and telling me to scream more, that the police are going to come and lock me away, that I am mental and have lost it and that there is little left of my sanity. Then, conversely, a little while later, he tells me, that I am just pretending, that I am not upset really, that I am just pretending and making it up! Insanity! These people are the definition of insanity!

As one counsellor told me, being around them was "crazy-making" because they were just so chaotic, manic, obnoxious and abusive, with little regard for my rights or boundaries.  These people are strangers to me. They are really not my family. That's what it feels like, because they have been so abusive to me my whole life and its just getting worse now that LayZ boy is here because with his horrible, ugly baseness, he convinces my parents to be their worst too.  His influence on them is so obvious and so bad - he brings out their vileness and they all rejoice in it!

You know, I have always wished for a loving, close, supportive family because I have never known that from my own family.  All I have ever received is abuse, violence, my rights violated and people making fun of me and mocking me for no reason. It's just awful to know that these people who are supposed to protect and love you, just do the complete opposite and continue to do so. It is really sad.

I know when I leave here, I wont contact them for a long time. I need the distance to find myself and find who I really am and how to make myself whole again, because right now I am shattered and broken, physically, mentally and spiritually and I really need to heal myself in order to live properly and have a good life!

The manic and the maniacal

My brother LayZ boy must have been off his medication yesterday evening (or maybe he was taking some new ones), because he really had a major manic episode when he came home and found just me at home.

LayZ boy started stomping and even running (a bit) up and down the hallway, meanwhile banging his fist on the wall and on my door on his way up and down.  

LayZ boy was also talking to himself, screaming out "lock the door, lock it" on his way to lock some door (which was already locked).  

He was also screaming out, "every door, every door will be locked", then he called out to our step-father (who wasn't home and he knew that) and was having a conversation with him, telling him that he was going to close the windows. He started yelling to our step-father many time as if he could hear him, when he wasn't even here.  Then LayZ boy starts whistling as well as screaming loudly and then he started singing (very off-key) very loudly and banging on walls, to punctuate his singing, as he was stomping around the house like a lunatic. 

Next, he started saying loudly, "all secure, no-one here but me and... actually, no boys here but me and the cat".  Next thing he's yelling for the cat, telling the cat that he's going to "get you pussy" and then he starts going on about the chickens, how he's going to get the chickens (my parents have chickens, but at this time, they were safely locked inside their hen house as it's night-time and they need to be protected from foxes).

Then layZ boy was saying, "hello, hello" to no-one in particular and then calling out to the cat telling him, "come here, I've got sausages for you", which the cat wont eat because they are so high in fat (which I saved the cat from eating previously). LayZ boy finally finds the cat, provides him the dry food, which the cat eats and then the cat proceeds to saunter off to another room. LayZ boy gets upset at the cat because the cat didn't stay around after he was fed by my brother (maybe the cat could sense his insanity and didn't want to hang around) and next thing my brother is yelling for the cat, trying to find it.  I went out of my room to open the windows that my brother had closed (he stinks and the house needs some cross ventilation) and I found the cat near the landing, just as my brother came there too.  LayZ boy then proceeds to to tell the cat he is "a bloody disloyal cat, bloody cat, I feed you and you walk away".  Right!

I took the cat to my room, where he promptly fell asleep on my bed, quite happily and I continued watching television.

That was a total manic episode my brother had.  He is really sick!  

Now that I am writing about it, not actually experiencing it, I actually feel sorry for him, as he has no clue whatsoever how to deal with his mental illness, nor that he is even sick.  The three of them are like that, sick.  It wouldn't be so bad, except that they take out all their crap on me, which is not fair.