I didn't say it so articulately, I just told him to stop touching my things, that LayZ boy has no right, absolutely no right to touch anything of mine, ever. I just screamed and screamed and screamed because I was so frustrated with them, but of course, they don't take any notice.
Needless to say, not only is my throat sore today, but so are my muscles surrounding the outside of my throat as I was yelling so much. I was so incredibly frustrated with them for violating my rights yet again. It's just an awful feeling!
After I started screaming, my mother came up to see what the calamity was and told LayZ boy so weakly that he shouldn't touch my things, but of course he didn't want to hear it and closed the door in her face - that is how he reacts when she tries to tell him anything about me and my rights and boundaries. He simple shuts her out and tells her to go away and then starts telling me to "fuck off" and calling me a loser. He acts just like a five year old child would behave, not a grown adult.
Meanwhile, my step-father is just laughing and yelling loudly, imitating me, mocking me and telling me to scream more, that the police are going to come and lock me away, that I am mental and have lost it and that there is little left of my sanity. Then, conversely, a little while later, he tells me, that I am just pretending, that I am not upset really, that I am just pretending and making it up! Insanity! These people are the definition of insanity!
As one counsellor told me, being around them was "crazy-making" because they were just so chaotic, manic, obnoxious and abusive, with little regard for my rights or boundaries. These people are strangers to me. They are really not my family. That's what it feels like, because they have been so abusive to me my whole life and its just getting worse now that LayZ boy is here because with his horrible, ugly baseness, he convinces my parents to be their worst too. His influence on them is so obvious and so bad - he brings out their vileness and they all rejoice in it!
You know, I have always wished for a loving, close, supportive family because I have never known that from my own family. All I have ever received is abuse, violence, my rights violated and people making fun of me and mocking me for no reason. It's just awful to know that these people who are supposed to protect and love you, just do the complete opposite and continue to do so. It is really sad.
I know when I leave here, I wont contact them for a long time. I need the distance to find myself and find who I really am and how to make myself whole again, because right now I am shattered and broken, physically, mentally and spiritually and I really need to heal myself in order to live properly and have a good life!
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