People who are unable to take responsibility for their actions

During the course of the fight with my step-father, both my mother and LayZ boy brother, kept yelling at me, even when I wasn't saying anything. They didn't say anything to the step-father, other than LayZ boy telling him to stop it because I may record it and then they could go to jail, with the evidence. Lucky for all of them I did not have my mobile phone on me to record anything.

At one point LayZ boy came in again to the family room and took one look at me and called me a "loser". I told him to shut up and stop saying that, because he was the one without any teeth, so if there was a loser around here, it was him.

Then, LayZ boy said to his mother, "See how she starts trouble. See how she says things to me to upset me."

There is something wrong with his ability to be rational. He is the one who came into the room and he is the one who was obnoxious and rude to me. I gave him a dose of reality and he did not like that, which he cant handle.

And of course, when I told them that the step-father needs to control him behaviour, they all blamed me. They all told me it was my fault that the step-father was upset. That the step-father was not responsible for his actions, that I was the one who was responsible for all of their actions, not them.

The insane family shows just how deluded and insane they are, yet again. Taking no responsibility for their actions and blaming their anger and their insanity on me, as usual.

My mother's insane thoughts

My mother loves to say, "God will punish" XYZ for whatever imagined wrong they have done to her.

So, today, I decided to use her own line against her. I told her that the cat peeing on her bed was not only divine retribution but that "God was punishing" all three of them for being so awfully abusive to me.

She got really pissed of by that, because, I guess, the truth does hurt. She knows she has been a total bitch to me, she knows her husband has been a total prick to me and she knows her son has been a total asshole to me, so the cat peeing in their room wasn't anything I did, or encouraged, he just managed to do it on his own. That cut her bad.

That set her off telling me what a terrible daughter I am (yes, she is that deluded to tell me I am a bad person, because I tell her the truth about how abusive she, her husband and son LayZ boy are and she doesn't like it, so she attacks me and enables her son LayZ boy and husband to physically assault me, then lies to the police about it) and that every single thing is my "fault". She blames everything (and what is everything anyway?) on me. She continued to tell me how terrible I am and that I deserved to be hit by her husband and my brother LayZ boy.

I told her to just stop it and leave me alone, that I didn't want to hear any more of her nonsense.

She then started threatening to cut off my Internet connection. Basically because she felt so defensive and upset that I used her own words back to her and she did not like it one bit, she wanted to "punish" me, so she wanted to do what she could to take whatever she could that is important, away from me. She does this because I told her that she, her husband and son LayZ boy are getting paid back, in a small way by the cat peeing in their bedrooms. That is enough for her to go ballistic and to start yelling at me and threatening me. That of course, makes me defensive, so I told her that everyone they know is going to see their vile behaviour in the video I took of their violence and abuse. That set her off even more to say ridiculously mean things to me.

And when I walk away to go to the laundry and do something productive (like laundering my dirty clothes), because I don't want to get caught up in her nonsense, she starts telling me, "Yeah that's right, walk away when you know you're wrong."  I started yelling back, telling her that I wasn't wrong, I had proof of their vile behaviour and it was always them who were lying. She started threatening again, so I just started repeating over and over again, really loudly, to drown her voice, "I have the video and everyone will see how vile you three are."  Finally she walked away and left me in peace to do the laundry.

These people are insanity personified!

Sore throat and lungs

Anyway, today my throat is so sore from screaming at them yesterday. I was screaming at them to stop touching my things, to stop violating my rights, to stop invading my boundaries and to allow me to have my own things without anyone invading my right to privacy.

I didn't say it so articulately, I just told him to stop touching my things, that LayZ boy has no right, absolutely no right to touch anything of mine, ever.  I just screamed and screamed and screamed because I was so frustrated with them, but of course, they don't take any notice.

Needless to say, not only is my throat sore today, but so are my muscles surrounding the outside of my throat as I was yelling so much.  I was so incredibly frustrated with them for violating my rights yet again.  It's just an awful feeling!

After I started screaming, my mother came up to see what the calamity was and told LayZ boy so weakly that he shouldn't touch my things, but of course he didn't want to hear it and closed the door in her face - that is how he reacts when she tries to tell him anything about me and my rights and boundaries. He simple shuts her out and tells her to go away and then starts telling me to "fuck off" and calling me a loser. He acts just like a five year old child would behave, not a grown adult.

Meanwhile, my step-father is just laughing and yelling loudly, imitating me, mocking me and telling me to scream more, that the police are going to come and lock me away, that I am mental and have lost it and that there is little left of my sanity. Then, conversely, a little while later, he tells me, that I am just pretending, that I am not upset really, that I am just pretending and making it up! Insanity! These people are the definition of insanity!

As one counsellor told me, being around them was "crazy-making" because they were just so chaotic, manic, obnoxious and abusive, with little regard for my rights or boundaries.  These people are strangers to me. They are really not my family. That's what it feels like, because they have been so abusive to me my whole life and its just getting worse now that LayZ boy is here because with his horrible, ugly baseness, he convinces my parents to be their worst too.  His influence on them is so obvious and so bad - he brings out their vileness and they all rejoice in it!

You know, I have always wished for a loving, close, supportive family because I have never known that from my own family.  All I have ever received is abuse, violence, my rights violated and people making fun of me and mocking me for no reason. It's just awful to know that these people who are supposed to protect and love you, just do the complete opposite and continue to do so. It is really sad.

I know when I leave here, I wont contact them for a long time. I need the distance to find myself and find who I really am and how to make myself whole again, because right now I am shattered and broken, physically, mentally and spiritually and I really need to heal myself in order to live properly and have a good life!

The absurdness of insane people

Just to highlight how insane and volatile my step-father is, I forgot to post this little threatening gem from him, which he uttered the other night after he came home from wherever he was.

My step-father noticed the windows open in the formal lounge room and obviously he close them, then proceeded to walk past my room (which I lock most of the time I am in here to prevent any of them just walking in like they like to do).  When my step-father got near my room, he said, in a very condescending, threatening way, "You really are asking for trouble aren't you?"

Excuse me, but how is opening a window, to let some air and cross ventilation into a house which is almost completely closed off from the external air "asking for trouble"?  I am at a loss to understand his thinking sometimes.

But then again, he has said to me, many times in the past that it has to be "his way" and that I have no rights at all according to him, so obviously he didn't like the window being open and that was his way of threatening me to not do anything that he didn't like. 

He is just unreasonable and volatile and there is nothing I can do to make him see reason.

Just insane!

So tired of these lunatics

I am just so exhausted from arguing with these idiots. Or rather from them constantly arguing with me and from them constantly berating me and blaming me.  And from me having to constantly defend myself, every single day from their stupid lies and accusations.  It is simply exhausting.  

It takes so much energy and I am tired of it, literally and figuratively.  I should know better, because this has been happening all my life, as if they are suddenly, magically going to stop!

Just a few minutes ago, my mother came to my room to tell me I had to take care of my brother, lay-Z boy because, get this, he's now started taking new medication which may cause severe side effects and if he presses his alarm buzzer, I have to take him to the hospital.  She cant stay because she needs to go to the club to do some gambling on the poker machines!  Right! How she can even think that she has any right to ask me is beyond insane, especially when she knows how antagonistic he is towards me.  They are lunatics!

MY GOD!  She is seriously insane!

And she comes to tell me this little tidbit, like it's perfectly normal that 

• my brother needs someone to take care of him
• that the caretaker should be me, since I am at home
• that she does not think it's her responsibility

First of all. How is it my responsibility the medication he takes?  And if she's so concerned, why isn't she there to take care of him? Oh right, her gambling takes first priority!  And they expect me, the one who gets belittled and abused by my brother to suddenly want to take care of him?  What is wrong with these people?

My brother is a total drama queen.  He uses that drama to try to manipulate people into doing what he wants them to do.  But maybe he overplayed his drama this time because even my mother is sick of it and doesn't want to stay here or she just doesn't believe him.  My brother, the lay-Z boy.

Update: My mother actually stayed home because I told her I was not prepared to look after my brother and he scared her enough to make her think the worst.  He's a great manipulator. 

And of course my mother is thinking how selfish I am for  not wanting to look out for my brother, the ones who taunts, abuses and assaults me. Yes, how selfish of me to try to outline some boundaries and limits, to try to assert some control in my existence away from their control.  How terrible I am!

It takes so much of my energy to deal with these people. Oh man, it is exhausting!