They're back and the insanity starts again

Unfortunately the respite from the manic behaviour did not last too long. My mother and LayZ boy came back early this afternoon and boy did I know about it!

My mother is upset and pouring her angst in an angry way to my step-father in the sun room. She must have argued with her half-sister (my aunt), as per usual and it must have been nasty, as per usual. So now she is at home rehashing everything to my step-father, telling him how awful and mean her sister was and how she was faultless in it all, yet somehow I doubt that!

Meanwhile, my brother Lazy-B is in his bedroom talking to himself. He's talking about what he is doing as he is doing it, "Now I am turning on the television and I am going to watch something before I put on the video. Then I'll watch the new videos I have before they have to go back to the rental store. Oh, what's this, my writing pad - let me see what else I have underneath it" and he kept on going on with the self-talk for a while in his bedroom. Obviously our mother must have been talking angrily about the experience while they were driving back home and because my brother cant process his feelings (as he is not mentally well), he has to self-soothe by talking to himself about things that are totally unrelated to the experience that has upset him.

The issue with my mother and her sister has been going on a long time.  My mother feels as though her mother (my maternal grandmother) favours her sister over her (sounds familiar doesn't it?) and feels resentful towards her sister. Her sister on the other hand is just as stubborn and wont give in either and is rude and nasty back to her. So there you have it - two stubborn women who wont give in and wont try to get along, most of the time. Now add a very resentful and really nasty ex-wife (my brother's), who absolutely hates my mother and also me, by extension and who has done everything she could to malign both of us to my aunt, which she knows will only make things worse between my aunt and my mother. What other kind of woman would marry someone like my mentally unwell brother than someone who is also really not normal herself? The ironic thing is that LayZ boy's ex-wife is very much a deluded woman, she lies as much as she breathes and she is unbelievably fake - she'll be so nice to you in front of your face, but behind your back, she's just say bitchy things about you. She doesn't understand how to communicate with people so she has to bitch about them behind their back.

I left soon after they came home as I didn't want to hear my mother's angry voice and I didn't want to encounter LayZ boy either. I had an appointment to go to anyway, so it was an opportunity to leave without dealing with either of them.

Calling my father out on his inappropriate behaviour

The other day, I was eating some food at the breakfast bar, standing up at the breakfast and watching television at the same time.

My step-father kept walking past getting some things from the kitchen in order to make his meat at the barbeque and every time he walked past me, he kept brushing his hand on the side of my thigh, near my bum.

When it happened the first time, while it did make me feel uncomfortable, I excused it because I thought maybe he did it accidentally. And plus I didn't really want to think that he did it on purpose.

When it happened the second time, it made me increasingly uncomfortable because it did not seem like an accidental touch.

When it happened for the third time, it really made me upset because he was doing it on purpose!

What kind of a sick man is he?  What kind of step-father tries to feel up his own step-child, who is 30 years his junior! I am no Soon-Yi Previn, Woody Allen's adopted daughter, who he went on to marry! That is sick to me.

It upset me so much that I told him, quite assertively and it was the first time I addressed this issue, as it has happened before many times.  I said: "You do not need to touch the side of my leg near my bum when you walk past me. You know I am here, so stop touching me. It's totally inappropriate."

Instead of addressing me, my step-father pretended to be looking for something, pretended to totally ignore what I just said to him and then he responded by asking me a question about where some utensil was. That was irritating to say the least!

But, when he walked past the next time, he did not touch me and I could see that he was taking precautions to not even walk that closely to me, so he did hear what I said, he just pretended that he didn't hear it as he did not want to acknowledge it, because really, what could he say? If he said anything, it would be acknowledgement that he was doing it on purpose and he wouldn't admit that he was being totally and utterly inappropriate.

I live with very mentally sick people.

Lovely with no Lay-Z boy around

It's been so nice to have the house basically to myself with no LayZ boy around and no mother around has been nice too, as you cant ever tell whether she is in a good mood (and be nice to you) or bad mood and will bite your head off (figuratively) for no reason.

There is no manic person running from his room to the lounge room, piling his glass with ice (and it's freezing weather at the moment in late autumn), only because he wants to come into the room that I am in to imbue it with his smell so that I will not feel well. He even blows around the room with his mouth when he walks into the lounge room just before going into the kitchen and sometimes flaps his arms around too. He is the definition of insanity!  I totally ignore him, but he continues to do this. When it's day time, he will stomp really hard on the floor to make a lot of noise when he's walking from his room to the lounge room, irrespective of whether I in my bedroom or the lounge room, to try to intimidate me in some way.  He also bangs on the walls of the hallway, near my bedroom if he knows that I am there, also in order to annoy and antagonise me. That is not what a normal, mentally well person does.  So the fact that he was not around last night and most of today has been a blessed relief.  It has been wonderful not to have to be subjected to his idiotic, manic behaviour and total childishness.

Not only that, but  LayZ boy stinks! He doesn't shower regularly - about once a month!

My mother, another manic person is also unpredictable - you never know whether she is upset about something or whether she is happy - she can change moods within seconds. She criticises me for doing something that she has either just done or just about to do. And when she does it, I remind her that she shouldn't criticise me for something that she does, her response is: "It was different when I did it, I didn't mean to do it." Of course. What she means is that I don't do things accidentally, only she does. I only do things on purpose and she never does. Yes right, of course! Such a big hypocrite. And then she'll yell at me for daring to disagree with her. Oh boy, it is difficult with someone like her. I have often wondered if she has some sort of mental disorder, as she does seem to have symptoms - erratic, major delusions, emotions change quickly, liar, emotionally manipulative, rages, vindictive, hateful, hurtful, angry - I have always though that maybe she needed help for her issues, but of course she would never admit there was anything wrong with her, because she is so deluded.

Not having both LayZ boy and my mother around last night and today has been such a relief - there has been no-one here to annoy and antagonise me.

Step-father and mother angry and raging

The other morning my step-father and mother were having a very loud argument. This usually happens about once a week and it is because they are both stubborn and wont give in. My mother eventually gets her way because she rules this house, with an iron fist - what she says and how she says it goes here and he has to do what she wants otherwise she'll rage on him even more. Whenever he does anything contrary to what she wants, she goes off her head at him and that makes him upset and he gets angry and starts raging around the house, yelling and getting angry at me.

My mother has this insatiable need to control everyone and everything in her vicinity and if they don't obey, then she has something to say about it. Most people don't get to see this side of her, they only see the pleasant, amiable persona she decides to show them, but if she feels thwarted, they get to see this antagonistic, bullish self and they do not like it at all. There are quite a few people who give me the "you poor thing, she is your mother and eye-roll" when they realise who my mother is, because they have been subject to this side of her personality and they really don't like her, but because they don't know me, they don't say too much more than that.

Anyway, during their argument, my step-father started banging doors really loudly, started yelling really loudly and started swearing really loudly. Of course because he was upset, he didn't think about the fact that there are sick people who are still sleeping (me) and he closed the toilet door which is just off my bedroom really loudly and he had the fan on too. He doesn't really care about anyone else, as he is rather very selfish.

To top it off, my mother wont tell him to stop doing what he's doing, out of consideration for me sleeping and being sick needing the sleep, she'll upset and antagonise him more, telling him he's a no-good-for-nothing, lazy, layabout and she doesn't know why she married him and more words like that. He on the other hand starts telling her how lazy and good-for-nothing her children are and then she goes one to tell him that he knew she had children when he met her (we were young when they met, about 9 and 11 years old) and that if he didn't want to be here to just leave because she certainly doesn't need him in her life.

Needless to say, these arguments are not very nice and many times I have tried to stop them arguing by being impartial (not taking anyone's side), trying to get them to see each other's side and trying to get them to see reason. Usually it has worked as I know how to use the right words to diffuse the situation, but these days, I really cant be bothered - it is not my problem to solve, I am not responsible for their marriage resolutions.

When they have these arguments and either of them sees me - my step-father, because he is angry, will just say to me: "You lazy bludger, good-for-nothing, go back to bed and sleep" and my mother will just look at me with an angry face and if I say anything to her, she will just tell me off. It's better not to even approach either of them when they are in this type of mood.

Inevitably I am always blamed for their arguments - they both tell me that I am the cause of their argument. So again, neither of them take responsibility for their relationship and want to blame me, because I am there. Even when I am not living here, they still blame me!  Geez, when will these people learn how to behave like decent, normal human beings?

Grandmother is sick and in hospital

My maternal grandmother had a mild heart attack on the weekend and she's in hospital now.  She lives about two hours drive from here, so my mother decided to visit her and decided to take her son, LayZ boy with her. Of course she knows I wont go, even if I was well, as I wouldn't spend that much time with that idiot because all he would do is say stupid obnoxious things to me the whole way there and back, but when we were in the company of our relatives there, he would be so quiet and shy, which would only infuriate me more! The idiot. My mother knew that, which is why she asked LayZ boy to come with her and only half-heartedly asked me if I wanted to come, knowing full well that I wouldn't. If it was just me and her, it would have been different.

Anyway, I wanted to write another post about my grandmother as the last one seemed to go too long about what happened today and I couldn't fit in the stuff about my grandmother there, so I created a new post for that reason.

My grandmother is an old woman, who is in her 80's. She lost her husband (her second husband, who is not my grandfather, her first husband was) about two years ago to renal failure. My grandmother lives in a small house by herself, but she lives right next door to her other daughter, my aunt, so she has company as my aunt lives with her husband, her husband's mother (who is 96 and still mobile) and their son (my first cousin). Their daughter is married and lives a few hours away with her husband and their kids.  While my grandmother is alone, she has people around her for company, not just her family, there are also neighbours in the street that she socialises with too.

When I came home from the shops I called my aunt's house and my uncle answered and told me that my grandmother was in "special care", not intensive care, so that was a good start, as it meant that she was not critical. He told me she had a mild heart attack and that they were taking care of her at the hospital. He had been there most of the night before (I think she must have been admitted yesterday some time) and today it was his wife, my aunt's turn to visit with her. He gave me the name of the hospital so that I could call her. I told him I didn't go because I have bronchitis and don't feel so well. He agreed that it was a good thing for me to stay away when I was sick as it wouldn't do to infect grandma with a virus while she's not well.

My grandmother has coronary artery disease and angina. The angina is due to the coronary artery disease, which means the arteries leading to her heart are clogged with cholesterol and plaque, which makes it difficult for the blood to be pumped to her heart properly. This is probably what lead to her heart attack - the heart was starved of blood and therefore oxygen. Lucky for her, the blockages are not too major, otherwise who knows what would have happened! Lucky she's on a whole range of medications for thinning her blood, reducing blood pressure, reducing fats in her blood and reducing cholesterol, so she didn't have a worse reaction.

I decided to call after I had dinner, as I didn't eat much during the day - I had had my tea and left the house. Dinner consisted of a large rissole, some avocado on rye/seed bread and grilled tomato. I need the meat for the iron.  After dinner I sat down to watch television and rest, as I still didn't feel well and didn't manage to call my grandmother. Neither did my mother call me. She must have been pissed off with me for telling her again that she was being inconsiderate. In fact, she got downright nasty, by telling me that she wasn't going to take my brother with me, that she was going to leave him here with me, just so he could antagonise me. Isn't she lovely? What a mother I have? A bitchy, nasty, vindictive mother who relishes in making me feel bad!

Anyway, not having either of them around has been brilliant. The only problem has been that I cant enjoy it as much, as I am sick and am also worried about my grandmother, which both suck as they are occurring at the same time. Oh well, at least LayZ boy is not here, which is the biggest boon of all.

I think I will have to get me to bed soon as I do not feel well at all.

Feling like crap yet again today

My bronchitis is worse today as are my menstrual cramps, so I feel like crap again! It's hard to breathe without coughing that dry, almost asthmatic cough and my body feels just so lethargic and my mind isn't functioning that well either. A few hours of feeling good last night and then I feel like crap again today.

Earlier today my mother told me that my maternal grandmother is in hospital after suffering a mild heart attack on the weekend. My grandmother has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood triglycerides and about two years ago had a blood clot on one of her organs and had to be treated in hospital with blood thinners until she got better. My grandmother is in her 80's and has been taking medicines for something or other ever since I have known her.  Apparently she wasn't feeling well on the weekend, her chest was hurting her, but she didn't do anything about it because, knowing her, she didn't want to acknowledge it and also didn't want to bother anyone. My aunt, her other daughter lives right next door to her with her husband, his mother and their son (my first cousin), so my grandmother has support close by.

My mother then proceeded to tell me she is taking my brother with her to see his grandmother in hospital and then as an afterthought, because it was after she told me how she found it about my grandmother, what happened to her, how she was, she then asked me if I wanted to come with them (very half-heartedly), knowing full well what my answer would be. A big, emphatic no! She didn't want me with her, she wanted my brother with her, which is how she likes it, because he's just as mental and deluded as she is and that's why they get along. I told my mother to call me when she was at the hospital with grandma so I could speak to her and of course she said she would do it, but of course she wont.

Just after that, I went to the kitchen to make some tea, to try to soothe my lungs and coughing a bit and she was making cafe latte. She only turned the exhaust fan on just before I came into the room, even though the coffee had already been boiling and when I asked her why she didn't turn the fan on earlier, she of course told me she did, even though I heard it being turned on just before I came into the room. Then she got angry with me, as usual. It's my fault for asking her to be honest with me. It's my fault for asking her to respect me. The thing with the hot milk that she boils is that it makes me feel really sick. I cant handle the smell at all. The smell of hot milk, combined with coffee makes me dry retch - my body just reacts that way to it and just about always has. I am lactose intolerant, so if I am around any butter, milk, cream or sour cream that are being heated up, they all make me feel that way - really nauseous, like I am about to projectile vomit. My mother of course, thinks that if it doesn't affect her, then there is no reason why it should affect me either, not realising that we are not the same person and that she is not lactose intolerant and can eat anything. That thoughtlessness and dismissiveness of hers towards me is really irritating.

In amongst this, Lay-Z boy was having a shower and using all of his products, which are so cheap and nasty and full of strong, synthetic perfumes that make it hard for me to breathe. He's been given alternative products, but wont use them, he continues to use his own things and continues to buy replacements for his products when he runs out, when he's been told that they make it difficult for me to breathe properly, especially when he prances around the house, up and down the hallways and stays in the room where I am. Then if I leave, he goes to his room and puts more product on and stands in the hallway near my room, to try to get more of his perfumed products into my room and make me more sick.  God he is so sick!

I told my mother that it was very inconsiderate of them to not think about me when I cant breathe properly right now and his perfumed products make me worse. Her response: "I cant smell anything". Man, it is unbelievably frustrating to hear that. She is so dismissive of me and my illnesses. She cant seem to understand that we are not the same person and that I get asthma-type reactions to a number of chemicals and am allergic to everything, when she is not and neither is anyone else in the family. No amount of reason or sense seems to convince them to have a little bit of consideration and decency. None.

As I had to go to the shops to get some food, I just left without saying goodbye to any of them. There was no point as far as I was concerned. I had to go to the shops to replenish my food, as I had run out. I buy my own food and my mother buys food for the three of them - we don't shop for food together and don't cook together either. We are the fractured non-family.