Finally Some Freedom, But Some Things Never Change

Cape Town Accommodation 2010 FIFA World Cup Soccer

I have been out of the crazy house for the past three years - living on my own in small apartments.

I moved three times in the past three years. Too much moving, but at least now I think I am quite settled in my house.

The LayZ  boy is still behaving the same way when I occasionally visit the parents house. The parents are a little better because LayZ boy behaves exactly the same way at their house now as he did when I was there, so my mother cannot deny any more that he is not the problem. She can no longer blame me for making him behave that way (especially since he used to convince her that I was the problem, not him and she believed him, as usual).

I see my mother and step-father a few days a week, but less when I have had an argument with my mother, which has been happening more frequently lately and that is because she is getting less respectful and reverting back to her usual rude habits, where I am concerned. Ironically, other people (who she is really nice to) think she is so wonderful, but those people who get to see her real side don't like her and don't like to be around her.

It's just tiring to have to deal with my mother's crap - I quite often feel like she is the child and I am the mother and I have to try to reason with an unreasonable two-year old. It is the same with my step-father, he is just as childish. So I guess, no wonder they are together - the are both the same in terms of their mental age.

My step-father and his mean words to me

Earlier this afternoon, I went inside the chicken enclosure to give them some chia seeds I had, which had gone out of date. My step-father also came in after me to check their eggs (to see if they hatched any and to take them inside) and he immediately, upon seeing me with the packet tells me I am a "stupid idiot" for giving the chickens more food because "cant you see, they already have a lot". Yes I could see, but I was only giving them a handful, to see if they liked it.

He went out and left the enclosure door open and I said to him: "You know you left the door open and that means the chickens can get out. And you call me an idiot?" He told me to close it. He could see that I was busy and further away from the door than me, but he seems to think it's my responsibility to close doors he opens because he takes no responsibility for anything at all. So he came back and closed the door when I told him I couldn't do it, albeit complaining about me being "so lazy", as if it was my fault that the door was open anyway! There is something wrong with his mental state.

Later I went inside to the sun room with the cat who wanted to eat something (despite me telling them that they need to feed him only twice a day, they all over-feed him and so now he's getting a bit fat and always hungry), so instead I distracted the cat with a fly swatter, he was chasing it and trying to grab it from me. The cat got so hot and sweaty his paw pads were moist, just from a little bit of running around and that is because he's a little overweight.

Anyway, my step-father asked me to give him something to snack on and I went to the kitchen and brought back some hazelnut wafer wedges and gave him some. He wanted to eat more but I told him that he couldn't eat more as it was close to his dinner time and needed to have enough space for his dinner. He agreed with me.

A little while after that, he started a rant, which went basically like this:

Step-father: Why don't you find yourself a place to live somewhere else - there are plenty of flats here.
Me: There are not that many places as there is a housing crisis here and those apartment that are available are like $300 a week to rent and I cant afford it given that I don't work.
Step-father: Well get a job and you'll be able to afford it.
Me: Do you not realise that I am sick and that its difficult for me to find a job?
Step-father: You're always sick, you're not good for anyone, you're finished, you are finished, sleep all day and do nothing, you lazy bludger, you're no good for anyone or anything.

And on and on he continued in this manner, meanwhile laughing at me while I walked to my bedroom and locked the door so I couldn't hear him any more. He always mocks me, it seems to be his hobby to mock and degrade me.

My step-father simply does not know how to have a normal conversation with me. Every time we talk it always ends up with him saying something mean or nasty to me or mocking me in some way and of course he laughs at me thinking to himself how funny he is. I should know by now that he cannot be civil towards me, after years of this way that he behaves towards me. But for some reason, I am always eternally hopeful that one day he will do something to surprise me, to treat me with respect and decency. Always hopeful, but it never happens.  You would think I would learn, but no, I keep trying so hard, but alas only to fail every time.

Calling my father out on his inappropriate behaviour

The other day, I was eating some food at the breakfast bar, standing up at the breakfast and watching television at the same time.

My step-father kept walking past getting some things from the kitchen in order to make his meat at the barbeque and every time he walked past me, he kept brushing his hand on the side of my thigh, near my bum.

When it happened the first time, while it did make me feel uncomfortable, I excused it because I thought maybe he did it accidentally. And plus I didn't really want to think that he did it on purpose.

When it happened the second time, it made me increasingly uncomfortable because it did not seem like an accidental touch.

When it happened for the third time, it really made me upset because he was doing it on purpose!

What kind of a sick man is he?  What kind of step-father tries to feel up his own step-child, who is 30 years his junior! I am no Soon-Yi Previn, Woody Allen's adopted daughter, who he went on to marry! That is sick to me.

It upset me so much that I told him, quite assertively and it was the first time I addressed this issue, as it has happened before many times.  I said: "You do not need to touch the side of my leg near my bum when you walk past me. You know I am here, so stop touching me. It's totally inappropriate."

Instead of addressing me, my step-father pretended to be looking for something, pretended to totally ignore what I just said to him and then he responded by asking me a question about where some utensil was. That was irritating to say the least!

But, when he walked past the next time, he did not touch me and I could see that he was taking precautions to not even walk that closely to me, so he did hear what I said, he just pretended that he didn't hear it as he did not want to acknowledge it, because really, what could he say? If he said anything, it would be acknowledgement that he was doing it on purpose and he wouldn't admit that he was being totally and utterly inappropriate.

I live with very mentally sick people.

The inappropriateness of my step-father

Scenario 1

Earlier yesterday my step-father and I were talking, in one of his more lucid and less argumentative moments. Just before he left, he asked me whether I thought that my brother's wife, who is estranged from him, is a lesbian or not. I didn't quite hear him and so he asked the question again, this time with a licking motion of his tongue and an evil laugh with the licking motion.  I told him he was an idiot, shaking my head at him and walked away.  This is such utterly inappropriate behaviour.

What does this show?  That he has no boundaries and has no understanding about what the limits are of the conversation he should have with anyone.  So crass!

Scenario 2
Two days ago, when I was talking to my step-father (in one of his less argumentative and lucid moments), I asked him whether he could see that I have lost some weight recently and that he should especially notice that my stomach my quite flat.  I was wearing tracksuit pants and just tank top, so you could see if I have lost weight.  

The reason I asked him this is because I was feeling insecure about the fact that he kept telling me the other week what a huge stomach I had.  Well of course it was huge, it as bloated due to stomach cramps that I often get.  So his taunting made me feel really insecure about it as my brother constantly taunts me about my backside too (which is well-rounded, but as I have ample cleavage, it means I am curvy in a nice way, but not to those two idiots). My step-father then asked me if he could touch/feel my waist. I told him he could look, there was no reason to touch me as it was inappropriate for him to even ask me!  He then said it louder and more inappropriately, "You have to let me touch it".  Wow!  I told him he was not normal and walked away, with him laughing as I left.

What does this show? That he has absolutely no boundaries and has no clue about limits and what is appropriate or not.  So gross!

Scenario 3

Many times when I am washing the dishes at the kitchen sink, I can see out into the sun room, which is where my step-father likes to sit.  He also likes to get changed from his clothes into his pyjamas there too.  He strips off to his underwear and looks at me and laughs as he is taking his clothes off.  

And when I complain, both my mother and he tell me that I shouldn't be looking at him, that it's his right to get changed in the sun room (which is a thoroughfare as well as it opens up from two sides) and that if it bothers me that much, I should stop washing the dishes until he is finished!  Right, so I am supposed to know exactly how long it's going to take him to get changed. 

What does this show?  That neither my mother nor my step-father understand boundaries, that they think it is appropriate for a 70 year old man to strip in front of his step-daughter. Ugh, again, so crass.