Finally Some Freedom, But Some Things Never Change

Cape Town Accommodation 2010 FIFA World Cup Soccer

I have been out of the crazy house for the past three years - living on my own in small apartments.

I moved three times in the past three years. Too much moving, but at least now I think I am quite settled in my house.

The LayZ  boy is still behaving the same way when I occasionally visit the parents house. The parents are a little better because LayZ boy behaves exactly the same way at their house now as he did when I was there, so my mother cannot deny any more that he is not the problem. She can no longer blame me for making him behave that way (especially since he used to convince her that I was the problem, not him and she believed him, as usual).

I see my mother and step-father a few days a week, but less when I have had an argument with my mother, which has been happening more frequently lately and that is because she is getting less respectful and reverting back to her usual rude habits, where I am concerned. Ironically, other people (who she is really nice to) think she is so wonderful, but those people who get to see her real side don't like her and don't like to be around her.

It's just tiring to have to deal with my mother's crap - I quite often feel like she is the child and I am the mother and I have to try to reason with an unreasonable two-year old. It is the same with my step-father, he is just as childish. So I guess, no wonder they are together - the are both the same in terms of their mental age.

The constantly lying mother who has no self-awareness

Today, my mother asked me for the car keys for my step-father's as she claimed she didn't have another set and needed to take the car, as my step-father took her car to run his errands. Of course she was lying, because he has another set of keys, which she could have taken, but she just wanted to take the keys from me legitimately this time, as she thought she would not sneak in my bedroom to look through my handbag to take the keys furtively without my knowledge.

I asked her if she would give me the keys back when she returned and she said she would, but I didn't believe her. I told her, that "I'll believe it when I see it, when you return back to see if you actually are telling me the truth."

Around dinner time, I asked her where the car keys were and her response was: "They're my keys, not yours."  So, basically, I was right, she lied to get the keys from me because I told her I wouldn't be paying for all of the registration costs for a car I don't own.

She just cannot stop lying. And then she has to justify her lies with more lies.

She then told me they "gave" my brother, LayZ boy their old van and as he didn't have enough money (he never does) to register it immediately, he had to do so after three weeks. I asked her how she could use that as an example when my step-father's car is not in my name - it's not my car. She realised she couldn't win with that angle, because there was absolutely no bearing on the discussion, she didn't say anything, probably thinking about what else she could try to justify herself. She continued to tell me I had to pay for registration costs if I wanted to drive it and I continued to tell her to forget about it.

She then went to the sun room, in a rage, to bitch and complain about me to my step-father. And when I told her to stop bitching about me, she proceeds to tell me that, "your step-father asked me why we were arguing and I had to tell him". Again lying. She purposely walked in there to complain about me and she started bitching about me to him, without any prompting from him.

She came back into the kitchen, where I was preparing some vegetables to roast and continued to complain to me about the car. I kept telling her she outright lied to me, then she went to bitch about me behind my back to my step-father to inflame him even more, as she knows he will be nasty and say all sorts of things to me. She didn't like that because of course I was calling her out on her lies.  She also told me I had no right to have the keys - when she gave to them and told me to take them before. Now she decides to rescind that, by lying about it. If she was honest and asked me for the keys honestly, I would give them to her. They're not my keys, it's not my car and I only drive it when I have permission to do so. I don't just forcibly take the keys!

Then, like a nutcase, she tries to put her arms around me and tell me, "mummy still loves you" like I am a recalcitrant 5-year old child that needs pacifying! I told her to leave me alone, that I did not want her touching me when she was just bitching about me less than a minute ago. How insane is this woman! And before I walked out of the room I told her that with a family like mine, I certainly did not need enemies. Her face changed to deep concern when I said that because something must have reached inside through her delusions to make her realise just what a bitch she is being to me.

Mother cannot stop lying to me - even about little things

Later this morning, as I was about to leave the house to go to the city, my mother asked me if I wanted to a lift into town because she was going there shortly. I acquiesced, telling her I would appreciate a lift so that I wouldn't have to wait for public transport.

Once in the car, she was just her usual antagonistic, bullish self.

I cant actually talk to her and get a straight answer from her, she always obfuscates, outright lies, evades or pretends she doesn't hear me. Or, she'll answer a completely different question, one I never even asked her! Totally frustrating to have a conversation with someone who doesn't listen to a word you say.

When we got close to the city, I asked her why she was going to the city and the conversation went like this:

Me: So what are you planning to do in the city today?
Mother: Nothing. Just walk around the place. I don't have anything to do here. I just felt like going to the city.
Me: So why are you going to the city when you are not doing anything here? (I am perplexed, as she never just "goes to the city to do nothing")
Mother: No reason, just because.

Then I notice her bag with her towels in the back of the car. She takes hew own towels to her masseuse because she wants to lie on and be covered by her own towels and not the ones used there. So then, the conversation goes like this:

Me: Why cant you just be honest with me and tell me you're going to the city to get a massage?

She proceeds to ignore me, pretending that she never heard me, because she doesn't want to admit she lied about such an inconsequential thing.  Oh, the frustration dealing with someone like her is immeasurable! She is simply unbelievable! She absolutely hates it when people lie to her, she suspects everyone of lying to her and yet, she doesn't stop lying even about minor things, not just to me, but to everyone. She has absolutely no self-awareness at all.
At that point, we reached the parking lot and I told her I was going and left the car and walked to the shops to complete some errands.

Mother's day today - for some

Today is Mother's Day, but of course I don't have a relationship with my mother so this time, for the first time I did not buy her a card or a present. I just don't see the point in pretending that everything is really good between us when it isn't. It would be buying something just for the sake of it and it would feel totally fake. But besides this, nothing would change. She would be nice to me for a day (or less) and then go back to yelling and screaming at me and not doing anything about the obnoxiousness LayZ boy or my step-father show to me. She condones their behaviour by just watching silently as they say their shitty words to me and saying nothing.  She does this all the time.

I was at home all day today clearing out more of the dry produce in the pantry, re-organising the packets, putting some more of the packetted food into air-tight glass jars because I found more of those larvae in between packets of food. I also wiped down more of the shelves with a cloth dipped in white vinegar - the smell of the vinegar brought out some more of those larvae, which I also got rid of. It was a pain to have to throw out more food, but at least now everything is really clean and fresh (mostly - I still have the bottom of the pantry to clear out, which I will do tomorrow).

Now that my mother and step-father have come home, his immediate reaction to my clothes being on one of those mobile clothes lines in the lounge room was: "That idiot daughter doesn't know how to dry her clothes outsides, so she has to bring them in here. Bloody idiot." Of course he doesn't want to acknowledge that it is almost winter and at about 3pm when the sun loses its intensity, there is not more warmth and clothes don't dry well because it's only after 11am that the sun even starts to warm up, so you don't have much time to get your clothes outside and dry. Even my mother brings her clothes inside to dry them too, but my step-father just wants to have something to to criticise and complain about and as he wants to put me down, he'll use anything to accomplish this. Lovely isn't he?

I told my mother a few days ago not to expect anything from me for Mother's Day because we don't have a relationship, so there is no point me buying anything. Her response? "That's okay." And she says this in a really defensive way, because it's not okay but she is so stubborn that she wont admit it.  She fully expected me to go back on my word and buy her something, even if just a card as she didn't really believe that I not give her anything or not do anything for her. I feel bad for her. I know it must hurt her. But dammit, she hurts me every day. What she sows, she is now reaping - the shitty way she treats me has to have consequences. How am I supposed to give her anything when it just doesn't change anything and it will make me feel worse when I know I spent time looking for the perfect present and she continues to treat me like shit and allows everyone else in the house to treat me like shit - she's the ruler of the house and what she says goes, so if she tells my step-father or brother to do something, they do it, so if they treat me a certain way, it's because she allows it. While they are responsible for their behaviour, she is the one who makes the rules in the house that everyone must obey.

As an aside, regarding gift giving, everyone loves my presents because I spend a long time thinking about and searching for something that they will really like and invariably they love what I give because I think about what the person I am buying a gift will like and what will suit them and I usually get it right 9 times out of 10.

My mother and her lies and put downs

I only realised late last night that I forgot to return a book (I saw this when I looked at my account online) and as I didn't get out of bed until 12.30pm and I was feeling unwell and as public transport runs only once an hour and because I don't feel that well, I hoped that since she was going to the same place, she could return them for me.

When I saw that my mother was going to the shops, I asked her if she would return two library books for me (she was going to the same place and it wasn't at all a convenience) but she told me she wouldn't do it as she was not going in the same vicinity. The conversations went basically like this:

Me: Are you going to the shops?
Mum: Yes I am, why?
Me: Can you please return some books to the library for me?
Mum: I am not going to those shops, I am going somewhere else. I am not going shopping.
Me: Why did you say you were going to the shops then? Where are you going?
Mum: It doesn't matter where I am going, so don't worry about it.
Me: Come on Mum, you're going to the shops here and it's not a big deal for you to return those books.
Mum: Why cant you return them?
Me: Because I only realised last night that they are late and if I catch public transport, it goes every hour so I have to wait there for an hour and I don't feel that well.
Mum: Well you should have thought of that when you decided not to pay for registration for the car.
Me: But it's not my car and I don't drive it much, so I shouldn't be responsible for registration.
Mum: Well you drive it so you have to pay for registration.
Me: It's not my car and I drive it like once a week, if that otherwise I catch the bus and only because I am sick.
Mum: Well if you paid for registration, you would have the car right now.
Me: Can you just tell me if you're going to take these books to the library? If not, then I have to find out what time the bus comes so I can go.
Mum: Okay, I'll take them, but this is the last time. I don't care if you're sick next time, take them yourself. And pay for registration so you can drive the car.

So you can see, she lies to me, tries to tell me it's my fault for not paying for registration for a car I don't use much and then begrudgingly takes the books as if she is doing me a huge favour and that I must do as she tells me. And she tells me its my responsibility to pay for the registration of a car that is not mine and that I don't own nor drive every day (my step-father drives it every day). If they just asked me for a small contribution, then that would be okay with me, but not to pay for the whole fee.

How stupid of me to ask her to do something so simple for me. She always acts so put upon whenever I ask her to do anything for me, as if I am asking for some huge favour that is going to take all of her energy and time to accomplish. She never behaves this way about anything anyone else ever asks her to do - just me. Maybe that's because she is always upset with me. Yet, whenever she asks me to do anything, she expects me to do it immediately and if I don't, she gets all upset with me.  It's just total unfairness. She just doesn't want to do anything for me, ever.

It's just so tiring having to deal with her.

LayZ boy is a mummy's boy

My mother and brother have a really close relationship - they always have. It's because he is so good at lying and manipulating her to get what he wants and I am not (well actually I could be good at it but I refuse to engage in such base behaviours as I think they're beneath me).

My mother calls my brother to see how he is every single day, on his mobile. No matter how much he upsets and hurts me (and it is on purpose), she calls him to say hello and to see how he is because she wont believe he would ever antagonise me on purpose, she wont believe her son is that vindictive.

With me, it's a different matter. She is completely oblivious to me. I have to fall down and be unconscious for her to notice that something might be wrong with me! Even the other night when we went to the club for dinner and my face turned white and I told her I would go home because I couldn't breathe properly, she didn't even take any notice of what I said and started talking about how excited she was about the desserts they had at the club and left the table to get some! She is really thoughtless. And then she gets defensive and offended when I tell that she was didn't even notice that I couldn't breathe.

She has always been like that with me - very thoughtless. And besides which, LayZ boy has always been her favourite child.

LayZ boy calls his mother "mummy" whenever he is calling out for her at home. He sounds very much like a baby when he says that, as he says it several times when he's calling out to her. He does it on purpose to sound like a baby, because he knows his mother loves it when he acts like a baby - the mummy's boy that he is! He also calls her "grandma" sometimes. He used to call her "old lady", as a joke, "hey, old lady" if he was addressing her, but she would get upset with him and he would cajole her until she saw his joke. If I did the same, she wouldn't talk to me for days!

I think my mother and brother are very similar in their characteristics, which really stands to reason, since she raised him and taught him everything he knows.

• Neither of them are good communicators - they cannot express how they feel about anything, ever
• They get angry if they cannot get their way
• They blame everyone else for all of their problems - nothing is ever their fault
• They both live in their fantasy delusions which are not based in reality
• They both lie to everyone about everything (except maybe each other, but not sure about that)
• They are both very uneducated and illiterate and don't like to read anything beyond magazines, if that
• They are both very stubborn and refuse to see any other point of view but their own
• They both behave very charmingly, nicely and quietly in front of most other people to create the illusion that they are lovely, warm human beings to other people, when that is so far from the truth

LayZ boy learnt rage and volatility in emotions from his father, his step-father and his mother.

Now all the neighbours will know about my family!

Well at least my outburst tonight achieved something positive - by telling my neighbour everything that I could tell him (before the police came) meant that I have started to expose my mother for the big hypocritical liar she is.

I told my neighbour about the fact that my mother took me to an exorcist twice when I was younger, because she thought I was possessed by the devil.  Apparently, according to my mother if I didn't drop whatever I was doing to wash the dishes I would get a beating.  That was normal according to her.  But according to me, that was vile and abusive and it made me run away all the time.  And according to my mother, that meant I was possessed by the devil.  She is sick in the head.

I also told my neighbour that how my family behaves in front of other people is not the way they behave to me and that it's just been abuse and violence all my life with them.

I also told my neighbour that my step-father still tries to beat me up, but that my mother gets in his way to stop it and then after that she comes to me and tells me it's all my fault that my step-father got angry and that before he goes all crazy, she inflames him.

I also told my neighbour how my brother assaulted me and that my mother betrayed me by lying to the police about it, basically giving my brother permission to continue behaving that way.

I also told my neighbour that my brother physically pushed me (as did my father) because they were angry with me and took out their anger on me and that my mother wont let my step-father say anything to my brother, wont let anyone say anything to him, because as far as she is concerned, my brother does nothing wrong, yet it's fine to bash one me.

I know my mother is totally pissed off with me for revealing all the "family secrets" - the truth about their abuse - to a neighbour who she knows well.  Good, let them know she is not the sweetness and light fake person she makes out she is and that my step-father is not the jovial, happy joker he make out he is and that my brother is not the quiet, shy person he make out he is in public.  Oh how the liars are being revealed now!

It's about time the neighbourhood knew the truth about my family!  It's time for people around them to know who they really are.