Mother's day today - for some

Today is Mother's Day, but of course I don't have a relationship with my mother so this time, for the first time I did not buy her a card or a present. I just don't see the point in pretending that everything is really good between us when it isn't. It would be buying something just for the sake of it and it would feel totally fake. But besides this, nothing would change. She would be nice to me for a day (or less) and then go back to yelling and screaming at me and not doing anything about the obnoxiousness LayZ boy or my step-father show to me. She condones their behaviour by just watching silently as they say their shitty words to me and saying nothing.  She does this all the time.

I was at home all day today clearing out more of the dry produce in the pantry, re-organising the packets, putting some more of the packetted food into air-tight glass jars because I found more of those larvae in between packets of food. I also wiped down more of the shelves with a cloth dipped in white vinegar - the smell of the vinegar brought out some more of those larvae, which I also got rid of. It was a pain to have to throw out more food, but at least now everything is really clean and fresh (mostly - I still have the bottom of the pantry to clear out, which I will do tomorrow).

Now that my mother and step-father have come home, his immediate reaction to my clothes being on one of those mobile clothes lines in the lounge room was: "That idiot daughter doesn't know how to dry her clothes outsides, so she has to bring them in here. Bloody idiot." Of course he doesn't want to acknowledge that it is almost winter and at about 3pm when the sun loses its intensity, there is not more warmth and clothes don't dry well because it's only after 11am that the sun even starts to warm up, so you don't have much time to get your clothes outside and dry. Even my mother brings her clothes inside to dry them too, but my step-father just wants to have something to to criticise and complain about and as he wants to put me down, he'll use anything to accomplish this. Lovely isn't he?

I told my mother a few days ago not to expect anything from me for Mother's Day because we don't have a relationship, so there is no point me buying anything. Her response? "That's okay." And she says this in a really defensive way, because it's not okay but she is so stubborn that she wont admit it.  She fully expected me to go back on my word and buy her something, even if just a card as she didn't really believe that I not give her anything or not do anything for her. I feel bad for her. I know it must hurt her. But dammit, she hurts me every day. What she sows, she is now reaping - the shitty way she treats me has to have consequences. How am I supposed to give her anything when it just doesn't change anything and it will make me feel worse when I know I spent time looking for the perfect present and she continues to treat me like shit and allows everyone else in the house to treat me like shit - she's the ruler of the house and what she says goes, so if she tells my step-father or brother to do something, they do it, so if they treat me a certain way, it's because she allows it. While they are responsible for their behaviour, she is the one who makes the rules in the house that everyone must obey.

As an aside, regarding gift giving, everyone loves my presents because I spend a long time thinking about and searching for something that they will really like and invariably they love what I give because I think about what the person I am buying a gift will like and what will suit them and I usually get it right 9 times out of 10.