The inappropriateness of my step-father

Scenario 1

Earlier yesterday my step-father and I were talking, in one of his more lucid and less argumentative moments. Just before he left, he asked me whether I thought that my brother's wife, who is estranged from him, is a lesbian or not. I didn't quite hear him and so he asked the question again, this time with a licking motion of his tongue and an evil laugh with the licking motion.  I told him he was an idiot, shaking my head at him and walked away.  This is such utterly inappropriate behaviour.

What does this show?  That he has no boundaries and has no understanding about what the limits are of the conversation he should have with anyone.  So crass!

Scenario 2
Two days ago, when I was talking to my step-father (in one of his less argumentative and lucid moments), I asked him whether he could see that I have lost some weight recently and that he should especially notice that my stomach my quite flat.  I was wearing tracksuit pants and just tank top, so you could see if I have lost weight.  

The reason I asked him this is because I was feeling insecure about the fact that he kept telling me the other week what a huge stomach I had.  Well of course it was huge, it as bloated due to stomach cramps that I often get.  So his taunting made me feel really insecure about it as my brother constantly taunts me about my backside too (which is well-rounded, but as I have ample cleavage, it means I am curvy in a nice way, but not to those two idiots). My step-father then asked me if he could touch/feel my waist. I told him he could look, there was no reason to touch me as it was inappropriate for him to even ask me!  He then said it louder and more inappropriately, "You have to let me touch it".  Wow!  I told him he was not normal and walked away, with him laughing as I left.

What does this show? That he has absolutely no boundaries and has no clue about limits and what is appropriate or not.  So gross!

Scenario 3

Many times when I am washing the dishes at the kitchen sink, I can see out into the sun room, which is where my step-father likes to sit.  He also likes to get changed from his clothes into his pyjamas there too.  He strips off to his underwear and looks at me and laughs as he is taking his clothes off.  

And when I complain, both my mother and he tell me that I shouldn't be looking at him, that it's his right to get changed in the sun room (which is a thoroughfare as well as it opens up from two sides) and that if it bothers me that much, I should stop washing the dishes until he is finished!  Right, so I am supposed to know exactly how long it's going to take him to get changed. 

What does this show?  That neither my mother nor my step-father understand boundaries, that they think it is appropriate for a 70 year old man to strip in front of his step-daughter. Ugh, again, so crass.

So tired of these lunatics

I am just so exhausted from arguing with these idiots. Or rather from them constantly arguing with me and from them constantly berating me and blaming me.  And from me having to constantly defend myself, every single day from their stupid lies and accusations.  It is simply exhausting.  

It takes so much energy and I am tired of it, literally and figuratively.  I should know better, because this has been happening all my life, as if they are suddenly, magically going to stop!

Just a few minutes ago, my mother came to my room to tell me I had to take care of my brother, lay-Z boy because, get this, he's now started taking new medication which may cause severe side effects and if he presses his alarm buzzer, I have to take him to the hospital.  She cant stay because she needs to go to the club to do some gambling on the poker machines!  Right! How she can even think that she has any right to ask me is beyond insane, especially when she knows how antagonistic he is towards me.  They are lunatics!

MY GOD!  She is seriously insane!

And she comes to tell me this little tidbit, like it's perfectly normal that 

• my brother needs someone to take care of him
• that the caretaker should be me, since I am at home
• that she does not think it's her responsibility

First of all. How is it my responsibility the medication he takes?  And if she's so concerned, why isn't she there to take care of him? Oh right, her gambling takes first priority!  And they expect me, the one who gets belittled and abused by my brother to suddenly want to take care of him?  What is wrong with these people?

My brother is a total drama queen.  He uses that drama to try to manipulate people into doing what he wants them to do.  But maybe he overplayed his drama this time because even my mother is sick of it and doesn't want to stay here or she just doesn't believe him.  My brother, the lay-Z boy.

Update: My mother actually stayed home because I told her I was not prepared to look after my brother and he scared her enough to make her think the worst.  He's a great manipulator. 

And of course my mother is thinking how selfish I am for  not wanting to look out for my brother, the ones who taunts, abuses and assaults me. Yes, how selfish of me to try to outline some boundaries and limits, to try to assert some control in my existence away from their control.  How terrible I am!

It takes so much of my energy to deal with these people. Oh man, it is exhausting!

Unreasonable, irrational and illogical people

You simply cannot reason with unreasonable people.

You simply cannot use rational logic with irrational people.

Argument with my step-father today.

He's telling me that I have to let my mother control me, because this is her house, that I had to tell her everything about where I was going, what I was doing, give her details about everything I am doing and that I was a liar. Ha!  Always accusing me of lying, when it's them that lie to me all the time.  It's called projection, where a person projects their own behaviour onto other people, accuse others of doing what they in fact are doing, to deflect from their own behaviour and thank goodness I am now aware of it.  But it still hurts me nevertheless!

He then brought up the past and started asking me why did I used to run away from home when I was a young girl?

I told him it was because they used to hit and beat me up me all the time and I didn't want to be hit by them any more. He responded with: "Bullshit, no-one hit you" - yeah, because I was imagining all of that, of course.  And with a photographic, video-like memory that I have, I just imagined everything didn't I?  Sure!  What an idiot he is, just wants to take no responsibility for his actions, to pretend his is all clean and never did anything wrong.  Sure!

He then said: "Why did you run away when the police brought you home after they found you?" I told him it was because I was scared I was going to get hit by him and my mother. He again responded with: "Bullshit, no-one hit you".

Then I got a bit hysterical because again he was denying what he and my mother used to do to me - abuse me quite horribly. And I told him that they used to hit me for stupid things, like, for not doing the dishes the very second I was asked to do them or for doing something else (like my homework or singing or reading) and telling them I would do the dishes after I finished. Oh no, that was apparently a completely heinous thing for me to say, because the next thing I knew, they would start hitting me, not just with their hands, but with a big stick they had just for that purpose.

Now because he cant keep on refuting this, he started laughing and changed the subject.

Then he asked me why I used to "play up" when I was in my late teens and early 20's. To him, playing up means that I would come home in the wee hour of the morning and as far as he was concerned, that must have been because I was sleeping around with different guys. He cant fathom the thought that I was at the nightclubs till those early hours of the morning.

I told him that I wasn't at "private houses" as he termed it, that I was at nightclubs, dancing, talking and drinking.  That I had no reason to lie now (what for?) and that when I would come home, I would be reeking of cigarette smoke because they used to allow smoking in nightclub when I was clubbing. His response to all of this?  "Bullshit, you were playing around!" And I replied with, "Just because you would be sleeping around with lots of women if you were staying out late at night, doesn't mean I would be. I have no reason to lie about what I used to do years ago when I am old enough to admit it now if it was the truth." Again, he replied with: "You're a liar, you just keep on lying".

Idiot!  No sense, no reason and no rational thoughts to save himself!

I used to run away from home when I was younger, very frequently, because I had had enough of them hitting me every day with the big sticks, mentally abusing me and making me cry all the time.  Had enough of it!  Anything was better than the hell they put me through.  One time, when the police did find me, I was brought home and I think the police officers did believe me when I told them that I would get hit by my parents if I came home and that's why I ran away (I was 16 and fled to a friend's place) and the police officers drove me back to my parents place and told me to stay in the car while they talked to my parents.  I was shit scared because I knew they would beat me mercilessly after the police went away.  So, while the police were talking to my parents, I sneaked out of the car by opening the door and closing it very slowly and crouching down and running off down the road.  The car was parked on the kerb, near the house next door and they couldn't see me until it was too late.

When I used to go out to nightclubs, I would stay out all night (even sneak out sometimes) because the fantasy of the night clubs was awesome to me, I could lose myself in the music and the lights and pretend my life wasn't the hell it was.  Plus because there were guys there, I could get so much attention that I so badly needed from someone.  So I would stay out all night and come home very late.  My brother, who is 18 months younger than me, would do the same and it was okay for him to do so, even when he was under 18 (under the legal age) and he even brought home girls to stay in his bedroom with the door closed and that was okay.  I wasn't even allowed to talk on the phone to guys.  Inequality much?