My mother the crazy woman who cries when she gets lost

I think my mother has major abandonment issues and that is why she needs to control me so desperately.

Her own mother was kicked out of her home by her husband (my mother's father) because she was sick too much and was a liability to the family because she couldn't work on the farm. They lived in a rural area. Of course because my mother was only a small child, not even five, she would have felt that her mother abandoned her, so she has these major abandonment issues now.

It came to light one day when we were in a big shopping market centre and she was lost. She's really bad with directions as it is, but it was a market, not out in some strange city where she didn't know anyone and plus she had a mobile phone with her so she couldn't get lost.

She decided she wanted to go off and explore on her own, as did her friend and I did the same. We agreed we would meet at a designated time in a designated place and I reinforced to my mother to orient herself properly so that she could remember it. And of course she said she would, but like a child, she just says yes and then her attention wanders off elsewhere.

At the designated time both her friend and I were at the designated place, but not mother. We waited and then I got a phone call on my mobile phone. She started crying like a baby, telling me she was lost and didn't know how to find us and that she would "never" find us. She kept crying and telling me how lost she was. This was a huge almost square market mall, only one level and then a car park, with a lot of vendors/stalls and it was still busy, so she wasn't going to be lost forever.

I had to calm her down, ask her what could she see in front of her and then direct her to where we were, even though this was the first time I had ever been to that market mall too. My sense of direction is a lot better than hers even in the worst of times.

When she finally got to use, she started laughing inanely like a child, as if it was such a funny lark that she got so lost, go overwhelmed with emotion that she was crying and that it was nothing unusual.

This is my family! A bunch of nutcases who try to make me responsible for them and their actions, when they need to take responsibility for themselves, not put all of this unwarranted responsibility on me.

Stayed right away from the nonsense family yesterday

Yesterday, I just stayed in my bedroom all day, other than toilet breaks and getting food, which I quickly brought back to my bedroom.

I have to really furtively open my door and go to the kitchen without making any noise, because if the stalker brother LayZ boy hears that I have gone to the kitchen, he immediately comes out of his room, to follow me in the kitchen.  He did that on one occasion this evening, but I managed to get out of there quickly before his highly perfumed self could affect me.

Earlier in the day, I stood outside in the backyard, near the doorway of the pergola, reading some advertisements that came in the mail and basking a bit in the nice sunshine - it was a sunny day today. It was so lovely to have the sun on my face and arms. It really made me feel good. I need to do that more often when LayZ boy is not around.

I was only there for about 5 minutes, because the idiot LayZ boy must have heard me turning the pages of the paper advertisements because at one point he opened his window to hear better and when he looked out, he must have thought he could see me, so he went to our parent's bedroom to have a better look (their bedroom looks out onto the pergola) and as soon as he saw me, out he came to have a cigarette right next to where I was standing. He didn't go to the toilet, which he does sometimes in their ensuite, he opened their bedroom door to have a look on the pergola to see if I was there.

Of course I moved back inside to my bedroom as soon as I heard him opening the screen door of the pergola, so it didn't affect me, but his stalker mentality is sickening and something I wish I didn't have to contend with at all.

I am just on such high alert every day, having to be alert for him coming anywhere near where I am, having to be furtive so that he cant hear me when I leave my bedroom, so that he doesn't follow me with his highly perfumed self or highly perfumed and strongly cigarette smoke self.  It's an awful way to live your life, it's awful to have mentally ill family members who are vindictive and psychopathic and other members covering for them, pretending that they are indeed normal when they are so obviously not.