My family are so pissed off at me today

All morning my step-father could be heard yelling and slamming doors. My step-father and mother were arguing quite a lot. Couldn't hear my brother, but I am sure he was adding his viciousness to the argument whenever he could because that's his style.

When I came out of my bedroom, my mother was just pissed off at me.

I was in the kitchen and turned around slightly to see how had just come into the kitchen, because I needed to know how much I needed to brace myself for the abuse that would follow.

My mother said, in a very angry, bitter way, "why are you looking around? It's only me," as if she was offended that I turned around to see who came into the kitchen.

Then she started. In a very nasty, mean, derogatory way to talk at me:

"I don't know why you had to tell the police what goes on in this house."
Right, so because I told the truth and I had proof of the truth, she couldn't get her lies to be believed and she did not like that one bit.
"Look at you, all you do is sleep."
Again, I am still sick, still not 100% well, nose is totally blocked, cant smell, am still coughing a lot, feel very lethargic today, but of course she never gets concerned about me, because it's all about her!
This house is disgusting, so dusty and unclean. I'm (not we) breathing in this dust and dirt. It's just filthy and dirty.
So how is that my fault? Oh that's right, I was sick in bed for 10 days and they couldn't vacuum, therefore its my fault they couldn't vacuum because I was sick! Yes, so logical - not!
It's your fault your step-father's blood pressure rose last night - he could die and it'll be your fault
That came not just from my mother, but also from my brother. Right, so because he is volatile, has no impulse control, has a violent temper and wants to hit me, it's my fault? Of course it is. It's not his own responsibility to control his temper, it's my fault. And yeah, put the guilt trip on me and make it all about me yet again!  (I forgot to add this last point when I posted this before)

And on and on like that she kept talking.

I was toasting some fruit and nut bread and in order not to listen to her, I started coughing louder and walked out of the kitchen to take the water into my room, trying not to listen to her.

I came back and turned off the toaster and grabbed my toast and went to my room. But not before she yelled at me that I had to leave the house tomorrow at 10am so they could vacuum it. Because you see, they have a schedule to meet, they have to do it in the morning, otherwise they will explode in frustration! Such idiots.

I just ignored her the whole time. What is there to say? You cant reason with unreasonable people who just use you as their scapegoat to abuse.

LayZ boy's children come to visit their grandmother

After I came home today, my mother told me that my brother LayZ boy's children were coming over today after the older one finished work. She said that they were coming to see her and everyone. Sure. It's most likely their mother told them they should visit their grandmother, because the older one's 21st birthday is coming up soon and she wants to make sure their grandparents buy her something nice. LayZ boy's ex-wife is just as bad as him.

I told my mother that it wouldn't be a good idea for her to have to girls in the family room because they wear really strong perfumes, deodorants and body spray and the family room would reek of it all night. Sometimes the smell is there for days. My mother, of course contradicts me, tells me that she can have them in the sun room, because it's cold. I told her that she had a heater and as its a sun room, its a lot warmer than the inside of the house. She of course told me to shut up, that she wasn't going to do what I suggested.

The thing is, their strong perfume makes me ill - I get so allergic just being subjected to it for even a moment - and none of them care about this. To my mother, its more important to do the complete opposite of anything I ask for (nothing ever unreasonable), wilfully disregarding my health!

When the girls came, she had them in the family room, sitting on the  breakfast stools, but only for a short while.  Even she realised how strong their perfume was and how much it was bothering even her and that she wouldn't be able to handle it when they left and the aroma pervaded the room for hours afterwards.

So only after the girls had been there for about 5 minutes, she ushered them into the sun room.

It is just irritating that my mother just does not listen to anything I say even though I am invariably right in my suggestion or reasonable in what I have asked for. My mother always argues with me, tells me I am wrong, tells me she wont do anything to help me, that she considers her guests needs before mine (they have no needs, it's me that has the severe allergies) and is just wilfully antagonistic towards me.  But invariably, she realises she is wrong (but she wont ever admit it to me) and does exactly what I recommended in the first place.

It is so utterly galling that my mother argues with me so vehemently, tells me I am so wrong, then she does exactly what I suggested because it affects her. She doesn't care about me, she doesn't care that it affects me, she only cares that it affects her. My mother realised that she would have to open all the doors and windows and that still wouldn't get rid of the smell, that when she does that in the sun room, it takes hours for the smell to dissipate and because it is cold tonight, she couldn't bear to keep all the doors and windows open as that would make the house cold, but she could leave the windows open in the sun room and that wouldn't be a problem. So basically, because it was going to affect her, she movies the girls to the sun room and not because of any concern about my health. My mother, like the rest of my immediately family, is so completely selfish!

Unreasonable, irrational and illogical people

You simply cannot reason with unreasonable people.

You simply cannot use rational logic with irrational people.

Argument with my step-father today.

He's telling me that I have to let my mother control me, because this is her house, that I had to tell her everything about where I was going, what I was doing, give her details about everything I am doing and that I was a liar. Ha!  Always accusing me of lying, when it's them that lie to me all the time.  It's called projection, where a person projects their own behaviour onto other people, accuse others of doing what they in fact are doing, to deflect from their own behaviour and thank goodness I am now aware of it.  But it still hurts me nevertheless!

He then brought up the past and started asking me why did I used to run away from home when I was a young girl?

I told him it was because they used to hit and beat me up me all the time and I didn't want to be hit by them any more. He responded with: "Bullshit, no-one hit you" - yeah, because I was imagining all of that, of course.  And with a photographic, video-like memory that I have, I just imagined everything didn't I?  Sure!  What an idiot he is, just wants to take no responsibility for his actions, to pretend his is all clean and never did anything wrong.  Sure!

He then said: "Why did you run away when the police brought you home after they found you?" I told him it was because I was scared I was going to get hit by him and my mother. He again responded with: "Bullshit, no-one hit you".

Then I got a bit hysterical because again he was denying what he and my mother used to do to me - abuse me quite horribly. And I told him that they used to hit me for stupid things, like, for not doing the dishes the very second I was asked to do them or for doing something else (like my homework or singing or reading) and telling them I would do the dishes after I finished. Oh no, that was apparently a completely heinous thing for me to say, because the next thing I knew, they would start hitting me, not just with their hands, but with a big stick they had just for that purpose.

Now because he cant keep on refuting this, he started laughing and changed the subject.

Then he asked me why I used to "play up" when I was in my late teens and early 20's. To him, playing up means that I would come home in the wee hour of the morning and as far as he was concerned, that must have been because I was sleeping around with different guys. He cant fathom the thought that I was at the nightclubs till those early hours of the morning.

I told him that I wasn't at "private houses" as he termed it, that I was at nightclubs, dancing, talking and drinking.  That I had no reason to lie now (what for?) and that when I would come home, I would be reeking of cigarette smoke because they used to allow smoking in nightclub when I was clubbing. His response to all of this?  "Bullshit, you were playing around!" And I replied with, "Just because you would be sleeping around with lots of women if you were staying out late at night, doesn't mean I would be. I have no reason to lie about what I used to do years ago when I am old enough to admit it now if it was the truth." Again, he replied with: "You're a liar, you just keep on lying".

Idiot!  No sense, no reason and no rational thoughts to save himself!

I used to run away from home when I was younger, very frequently, because I had had enough of them hitting me every day with the big sticks, mentally abusing me and making me cry all the time.  Had enough of it!  Anything was better than the hell they put me through.  One time, when the police did find me, I was brought home and I think the police officers did believe me when I told them that I would get hit by my parents if I came home and that's why I ran away (I was 16 and fled to a friend's place) and the police officers drove me back to my parents place and told me to stay in the car while they talked to my parents.  I was shit scared because I knew they would beat me mercilessly after the police went away.  So, while the police were talking to my parents, I sneaked out of the car by opening the door and closing it very slowly and crouching down and running off down the road.  The car was parked on the kerb, near the house next door and they couldn't see me until it was too late.

When I used to go out to nightclubs, I would stay out all night (even sneak out sometimes) because the fantasy of the night clubs was awesome to me, I could lose myself in the music and the lights and pretend my life wasn't the hell it was.  Plus because there were guys there, I could get so much attention that I so badly needed from someone.  So I would stay out all night and come home very late.  My brother, who is 18 months younger than me, would do the same and it was okay for him to do so, even when he was under 18 (under the legal age) and he even brought home girls to stay in his bedroom with the door closed and that was okay.  I wasn't even allowed to talk on the phone to guys.  Inequality much?