Feling like crap yet again today

My bronchitis is worse today as are my menstrual cramps, so I feel like crap again! It's hard to breathe without coughing that dry, almost asthmatic cough and my body feels just so lethargic and my mind isn't functioning that well either. A few hours of feeling good last night and then I feel like crap again today.

Earlier today my mother told me that my maternal grandmother is in hospital after suffering a mild heart attack on the weekend. My grandmother has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood triglycerides and about two years ago had a blood clot on one of her organs and had to be treated in hospital with blood thinners until she got better. My grandmother is in her 80's and has been taking medicines for something or other ever since I have known her.  Apparently she wasn't feeling well on the weekend, her chest was hurting her, but she didn't do anything about it because, knowing her, she didn't want to acknowledge it and also didn't want to bother anyone. My aunt, her other daughter lives right next door to her with her husband, his mother and their son (my first cousin), so my grandmother has support close by.

My mother then proceeded to tell me she is taking my brother with her to see his grandmother in hospital and then as an afterthought, because it was after she told me how she found it about my grandmother, what happened to her, how she was, she then asked me if I wanted to come with them (very half-heartedly), knowing full well what my answer would be. A big, emphatic no! She didn't want me with her, she wanted my brother with her, which is how she likes it, because he's just as mental and deluded as she is and that's why they get along. I told my mother to call me when she was at the hospital with grandma so I could speak to her and of course she said she would do it, but of course she wont.

Just after that, I went to the kitchen to make some tea, to try to soothe my lungs and coughing a bit and she was making cafe latte. She only turned the exhaust fan on just before I came into the room, even though the coffee had already been boiling and when I asked her why she didn't turn the fan on earlier, she of course told me she did, even though I heard it being turned on just before I came into the room. Then she got angry with me, as usual. It's my fault for asking her to be honest with me. It's my fault for asking her to respect me. The thing with the hot milk that she boils is that it makes me feel really sick. I cant handle the smell at all. The smell of hot milk, combined with coffee makes me dry retch - my body just reacts that way to it and just about always has. I am lactose intolerant, so if I am around any butter, milk, cream or sour cream that are being heated up, they all make me feel that way - really nauseous, like I am about to projectile vomit. My mother of course, thinks that if it doesn't affect her, then there is no reason why it should affect me either, not realising that we are not the same person and that she is not lactose intolerant and can eat anything. That thoughtlessness and dismissiveness of hers towards me is really irritating.

In amongst this, Lay-Z boy was having a shower and using all of his products, which are so cheap and nasty and full of strong, synthetic perfumes that make it hard for me to breathe. He's been given alternative products, but wont use them, he continues to use his own things and continues to buy replacements for his products when he runs out, when he's been told that they make it difficult for me to breathe properly, especially when he prances around the house, up and down the hallways and stays in the room where I am. Then if I leave, he goes to his room and puts more product on and stands in the hallway near my room, to try to get more of his perfumed products into my room and make me more sick.  God he is so sick!

I told my mother that it was very inconsiderate of them to not think about me when I cant breathe properly right now and his perfumed products make me worse. Her response: "I cant smell anything". Man, it is unbelievably frustrating to hear that. She is so dismissive of me and my illnesses. She cant seem to understand that we are not the same person and that I get asthma-type reactions to a number of chemicals and am allergic to everything, when she is not and neither is anyone else in the family. No amount of reason or sense seems to convince them to have a little bit of consideration and decency. None.

As I had to go to the shops to get some food, I just left without saying goodbye to any of them. There was no point as far as I was concerned. I had to go to the shops to replenish my food, as I had run out. I buy my own food and my mother buys food for the three of them - we don't shop for food together and don't cook together either. We are the fractured non-family.

Feeling like crap today

I really feel like crap today, physically. I don't feel well at all, tired and lethargic and my lungs hurt still, because of the bronchitis that's still affecting me, which is making me cough a lot.

I am also menstruating at the moment too, which is another factor making me really tired and unwell. I always feel extra sleepy when I am menstruating due to the loss of blood and loss of iron and as I don't eat much meat anyway, it means I am losing a bit too much blood/iron and am not replacing it with the iron in my food and this makes me slightly anaemic. I don't really like red meat that much, so that means I don't eat it much either and that, together with the heavy blood loss each month contributes to my lower than normal iron (and haemoglobin) levels and makes me much more tired than I normally would feel at this time each and every month.

I also get menstrual pain, sometimes quite a lot, during the week of my periods, so that just adds to the whole misery and no painkillers ever help that much.  It also hurts to touch my stomach/abdominal area to the point where I couldn't even have my handbag on my side, as it was touching my stomach and making the pain much worse. I once had pain so bad, that not only did I have the severe cramps, but I also felt like throwing up, I felt dizzy and couldn't even sit down. I went to hospital and they wanted to give me morphine!  It happens very rarely that the pain is that bad, maybe 1-2 times a year, so that is a relief that it doesn't occur like this every month, but when it does, it really is unbearable.

And in addition to the above (as if that wasn't enough), I also get really major bloating in my stomach that makes me look like I am about 4 months pregnant. My stomach gets so bloated that I cant wear my normal clothes, I have to wear one size bigger. Even my jackets, even the loose ones, that are normally baggy, I cant even button up as my stomach gets that big, due to the fluid retention!

I had a nice dinner - spaghetti bolognese - with some nice shaved Parmesan cheese on top.  While the sauce did contain some minced meat, it wasn't enough for my body to re-stock its iron and haemoglobin levels back to normal. It did give me a bit of a boost, but not enough it seems.

In addition to all of this, I have bad insomnia, which means I get to bed really late at night (or rather early in the morning) and then wake up later in the day. Today, though, it was a record sleep. I woke up at 4.50pm after getting to sleep at around 5am this morning!  Obviously I needed the sleep, but when I woke up this afternoon, I felt so sluggish and out of it! It's now almost 9pm and I still feel really tired and sluggish and just feel like going back to sleep again!  I think I need to read instead and try to stop coughing so much.