My family is mentally unwell - part 2: the brother

LayZ boy, the brother has a range of mental health issues.

LayZ boy is very vindictive and into punishing others for their alleged transgressions against him. He will bide his time, waiting for an opportunity to do something to hurt you, if he thinks he has the power to do so. And to me, he thinks he does, because his mother gives him permission to do so, by always encouraging him and always protecting him. Great.

LayZ boy has psychopathic tendencies.

I watched a documentary about a man who was being tested for being a psychopath and it was just like watching my brother in action. The guy on the doco kept on telling the people studying him that he was very much a narcissist (exactly what LayZ boy has said about himself on many an occasion), he was very paranoid (just like LayZ boy - if I repeat to LayZ boy what he has told me before about himself, LayZ boy accuses me of spying on him) and he was abusive and obnoxious, more so when he thought the cameras were not on and behaved more "normally"when the cameras were on (exactly like LayZ boy, who says and does the most obnoxious and aggressive things when I am not holding a camera but who then behaves like a model citizen when the cameras are on, or when other people are around).

The guy in the doco was also very manipulative and lied a lot (that is also like LayZ boy) and he had no qualms about hurting people (just like LayZ boy) and had very little feelings for anyone else (just like LayZ boy) and didn't think twice about using others (just like LayZ boy).

The other thing that has been happening lately, is that LayZ boy has become even more manic than usual, so I wonder if he also has bipolar disorder too, just like his mother. LayZ boy seems to go on these manic highs and depressive lows, alternating between them. I don't think he really knows what he's doing to some extent.

LayZ boy is very mentally unwell. A normal person would not behave this way.

So no wonder his mother cant see that LayZ boy is so mentally unwell - that is because she is too and is in such denial about her mental health issues, that if she acknowledges her son's mental illness, she has to acknowledge her own and she wont do that.

At least now I have some understanding why.

Step-father is currently overseas

The step-father left on a plane the other day, to go overseas and see his brothers and sisters.

One good thing from that is I have one less person putting me down here.

But, unfortunately, it also means that LayZ boy has become even more obnoxious since the step-father left.

LayZ boy has started putting on music very loudly late at night or turns the sound on his television very loudly too, knowing full well that I am trying to sleep because I need to get up early for work. And, because his mother isn't home (she's out at the pub with her friends), he knows he can get away with it, because if I say anything to her, he'll just deny it and do it worse the next day.

If I say anything to him, it's only going to escalate the situation, upset me and wont make him stop, so I have been studiously ignoring him and because LayZ boy is such a child, he eventually turns down the music, while still quite loud, not as loud as before and I eventually fall asleep. If LayZ boy's step-father was home, he wouldn't be able to do this because his step-father goes to sleep even before I do and his step-father would yell at LayZ boy for having loud noises on.

The other thing that LayZ boy has been doing, is to stomp on the floor while he walks up and down the corridor, past my bedroom, just so I can hear him.

LayZ boy also turns on his alarm, to wake himself up early on a Saturday morning, just so he can start yelling really loudly, in order to wake me up from my sleep.

Additionally, the other night, around midnight, LayZ boy was talking very loudly on his phone to one of his friends and his mother said not a word to him about the noise he was making. If it was me on the other hand, she would be yelling profusely at me for making any noise above a whisper.

I just ignore the lunatic LayZ boy, because I know that he's doing it to get a reaction from me and I will not give him that satisfaction. As far as I am concerned, LayZ boy does not exist and has nothing to do with me or my life.

Yes unfair and hypocritical, but I don't expect anything else from the lunatics.

I felt like shit tonight

I felt like killing myself tonight.

I really felt like just ending it. Ending the misery that is my life.

I thought about slashing my wrists and letting the lifeblood run right out. And end this horrible misery I find myself in.

I went to my room and cried my heart out after they all continued to yell at me.

I felt so awful.

This is not a family.

These are horrible, awful people, who don't understand how to treat anyone with respect or decency.

These people are so ignorant and abusive and obnoxious and continue to blame me for their actions.

They never take responsibility for anything they do or say. They make me feel like everything that is bad is my fault, even though it isn't. They even tell me that all the time, "everything is your fault".

And the mentally unwell idiot LayZ boy walks past my room, up and down, calling me a "loser" and yet it's him who has not teeth. It's him who is unemployable. It's him whose wife cheated on him and wont have anything to do with him. It's him who has no prospects in life. Not me.

People who are unable to take responsibility for their actions

During the course of the fight with my step-father, both my mother and LayZ boy brother, kept yelling at me, even when I wasn't saying anything. They didn't say anything to the step-father, other than LayZ boy telling him to stop it because I may record it and then they could go to jail, with the evidence. Lucky for all of them I did not have my mobile phone on me to record anything.

At one point LayZ boy came in again to the family room and took one look at me and called me a "loser". I told him to shut up and stop saying that, because he was the one without any teeth, so if there was a loser around here, it was him.

Then, LayZ boy said to his mother, "See how she starts trouble. See how she says things to me to upset me."

There is something wrong with his ability to be rational. He is the one who came into the room and he is the one who was obnoxious and rude to me. I gave him a dose of reality and he did not like that, which he cant handle.

And of course, when I told them that the step-father needs to control him behaviour, they all blamed me. They all told me it was my fault that the step-father was upset. That the step-father was not responsible for his actions, that I was the one who was responsible for all of their actions, not them.

The insane family shows just how deluded and insane they are, yet again. Taking no responsibility for their actions and blaming their anger and their insanity on me, as usual.

Insane family who is so totally in denial about me

This family is sick in the head, all three of them - mother, step-father and brother - they simply cant handle anything that has to do with me.

They keep telling me that since I am sick with these allergies/sinus problems, I am a total burden on them, that they cant do what they want because I am here. That they cant have people over all the time like they want, because I get sick (bullshit, they still have people over with their perfumes and I get sick) and that "everyone knows I am allergic" (as if that is something to be ashamed about, like what the hell?) and that they cant paint the doors because I am here and that I need to get out of their house because they cant handle me here.

I am overwhelmed with their compassion and care. So overwhelmed that they have such compassion for my illness. Geez! What total obnoxiousness. They act like it's my fault I am sick, that its my fault I have allergies and that I can control them. So absolutely ignorant it's just unbelievable.

Every time I try to reason with them, it ends in an argument because my mother ignores me. She just keeps on doing what she's doing, pretending that I am not there, as if ignoring me will make me go away. She doesn't want to accept that her son does things on purpose to hurt me.

Last night he put on all these perfumed products and he did so this morning again, but hey, it doesn't affect any of them, so who cares that I am that allergic and I get sick. I am irrelevant to them.

Finally after crying to her, telling her to stop ignoring me, to take away his products and replace them with other stuff, she finally went to see LayZ boy and of course he denied using anything and of course she believes him. Of course, because obviously my symptoms are all in my head, of course. Of course, I haven't been officially diagnosed with severe allergy symptoms, of course my immune system is not on high alert every day, of course I am not sick, of course.

LayZ boy comes out and tells them that he didn't do anything. Yet he's lying again. Then he tells me to "fuck off" and that he can "do whatever he wants to do" that "I cant make him change anything" and again he tells me to "fuck off". This is all in my parents presence, but of course they say nothing to him, because as far as they are concerned he is allowed to be as obnoxious as he wants to be to me without any consequences for his vile actions. LayZ boy is so cut that his mother told him not to wear his products, so to antagonise me for her telling him this, he purposely puts every product he owns on his face and body - because he knows it will make me ill. How fucked up is that? And then he lies about it. But of course, that is okay. Who cares if I get sick. Definitely not any of them. Who cares that LayZ boy is a vindictive asshole who does thing on purpose to hurt me physically - who cares about that?

Bloody hell, these idiots make me so sick! Figuratively and literally!

Then the idiot step-father started his rant about how everything is my fault. That because I am sick with severe allergies he cant have people here, cant paint doors, cant do this, cant do that - as if my allergies restrict his life in some major way. He forgets to recognise that I wasn't here for months on end, that he could have painted whatever he wanted then, but he doesn't like the truth, he likes to blame and criticise me for everything because he cant be rational. He even moved towards me like he wanted to hit me. What a vile poor excuse for a human being.  They all are. Vile,selfish, poor excuses for human beings!  No need for enemies with a family like this. They are complete and utter assholes!

Violence, abuse and total denial abound

There really is something fundamentally wrong with the mental facilities of all the people in my immediate family - mother, step-father, brother - they do not ever behave like normal people.

I keep telling them I have multiple chemical sensitivities, which means I am allergic to just about everything and cannot tolerate synthetic perfumes/chemicals/cigarettes as my body reacts by making me have severe allergy symptoms, sinusitis, sore head, itchy nose, sore lungs and difficulty breathing.  I have been diagnosed with this condition, so it's not just me saying this without having an official medical diagnosis. But, their son continues to use his strongly perfumed body care and hair care products and tells me to "fuck off" and that he can use whatever he wants and I can just "fuck off" if I don't like it. What an obnoxious infantile idiot he is!

I beseech my parents about giving him alternative products, but they simply wont do anything much about it, when they know what I can/cant use.

Yesterday, again I told my mother she has to give LayZ boy some alternative things to use and not let him use his products and she said something to him (in a very off-handed way), as he was passing through the kitchen and again, he said, "I'll do and use whatever I want do do, she can just fuck off, the loser, fucking idiot". And then he left. What an imbecilic idiot he is huh?  So he knows this stuff makes me sick, but he gives not one iota for my health and then my parents wonder why I avoid him? Geez people, get your heads out of your asses and see reality for a moment!

And because LayZ boy was pissed off with his mother telling him anything about me, he decided to use his products (perfumes, after shave, face creams, whatever) again last night and come into the lounge room (where I was) and start waving around, to try to disperse it through the air to try to make me sick. What a vindictive prick!  I had to leave the lounge room immediately because it was making me ill, even though my nose is still blocked, it still affects me - that's how strong the odour was from his products and that is how sensitive I am.  What an asshole of a person LayZ boy is to purposely do this to make me ill. 

That is my family. And with this non-family I have, I certainly don't need enemies, because they are more than enough to hurt me.

Accusations abound as well as abnormal behaviour from an insane family

On Thursday morning my mother was pissed off because she couldn't find where she put her prescription glasses, some new ones she got from somewhere a few months ago which I really had not seen before.

She told me they were missing and asked me where I put them. What the hell? She (and the others) are always accusing me of things I never do! Idiots!

As if I even knew what glasses she was talking about and as if I would take them anyway! I was really irritated by her false accusations (yet again) and told her neither did I know where they were but I resented her accusations and that she should ask her son where they were or think more clearly about where she misplaced them because I sure as hell didn't know what she was talking about.

She kept insisting, angrily, that I was the only one who could have taken them or moved them! Yeah, right, and that's because I am the only other person living in this house when I am not! Idiot she is!

She kept going on and on at me, telling me it "had to be me" that stole her prescription glasses.

Meanwhile I was trying to make some breakfast and then I realised I had a pair of glasses that I didn't wear in my room, thinking that maybe that was what she was talking about, so I showed them to her. She said that they were not the glasses she was missing, but since those ones were with the other missing ones, I must have taken them! Again insulting me! I told her that I took them from her room with her permission while she was there (and they are my glasses not hers, yet I ask for permission), as if I would take anything else from her room. She kept on insisting and I told her to ask her son or keep looking, because either her son LayZ boy took them or she misplaced them and couldn't remember where.

She also wanted to check my bedroom to make sure I hadn't taken them! The gall of her! She barged in and started looking around. I told her to get out and to stop accusing me of doing something I did not do. She is pissing me off with this obnoxious behaviour of hers. Always blaming me for everything and every time she is wrong because I have never done what she accuses me of doing!  I just cant cope with these idiots!

A little while later, she came back into the kitchen with the prescription glasses, telling me she found them, that they were somewhere else where she didn't search before because she didn't expect them to be there. I told her  to just stop, I didn't care, I didn't want to know and I told her from the start that I didn't take them and she should never have accused me of doing so in the first place. She then had the gall to tell me she never accused me! What the fuck? She is such an obnoxious liar!

I then told her (in very clipped tones) that she did indeed accuse me of stealing her glasses over and over and yet here she is, having found them, now telling me she never accused me of anything. That that was a preposterous, obnoxious and insulting thing for her to deny and that I just didn't want to talk to her any more. Unbelievable! Always bloody lying, Always!

She often misplaces things and doesn't remember where she puts them and accuses me of taking them or moving them and of course I don't. It's just irritating because she gets angry and starts arguing with me about it and then afterwards acts as if she didn't just flagrantly accuse me of stealing her things! It's just ridiculous and outrageous for her to say these things to me!

Then her son's mad behaviour comes to light a short time after that.

While in the kitchen still, I saw LayZ boy outside, with his dark sunglasses on - it's about 5 degrees C outside (and with the wind chill factor, feels more like zero), it's overcast and raining. LayZ boy looks and acts like a mentally deranged person when he wears sunglasses when there is no sun outside, no glare and its raining too! He then wore them inside too - and it's rather dark inside with the darkened sky and no lights, especially in the hallway. He's so abnormal! I commented to my mother that her son LayZ boy is not normal to wear his dark, wrap-around sunglasses outside when its overcast and raining and she responded that "doctors tell you to always wear sunglasses, even if its overcast because of the glare". What glare? It's raining outside, it's not just overcast!  Insane, deluded family! And anyway, he was only walking outside maybe 5 metres at the most and back inside again. He must not have something wrong with his mental facilities (he is sick in the head after all), he's got to have something wrong with his eyes - his smoking must be affecting his circulation to his eyes and they're not functioning properly.

These people are so not normal! In any way, shape or form!

My family have no compassion or sympathy for me

Yesterday was great for most of the day. I went out early in the morning as I wanted to get some shopping done and when I came home, no-one was home. It was so nice to be without any type of irritation or frustration from any of them.

Unfortunately that wasn't going to last all day, because they (my parents and brother, LayZ boy) would come home soon enough. But since I felt good, I cleaned up the kitchen and family room, set up the fireplace ready to be lit when it started getting colder later in the afternoon, early evening and I brought some wood to the balcony for later use.

When my my parents came home, I asked him if he noticed that I set up the fireplace and brought some wood. His response? "What did you do? Nothing." I don't know why I set myself up for his negativity like that. As if he would ever say anything nice to me to show he appreciates me and my efforts.

A short while after they came home, mum and step-father went to the pub for dinner and LayZ boy came home stomping through the house and into his bedroom, like he normally does.

When mum and step-father came home I quickly closed the family room doors while I asked them to "please take off your jackets before you come in here". My step-father responded with, "Why? Do we stink or something?" and my mother with, "What for, why should we have to take our jackets off to suit you." I replied with, "You know I am allergic to the perfumes at the pub on your clothes." I have talked to them about my allergies, how their clothes get imbued with the perfumes of the people around them at the pub and they agreed to get undressed into their normal clothes when they come home immediately, not in like two minutes, as they normally would. So I am not asking them for something so outlandish, just for them to do something a little earlier than they normally would. They agree and then they resent doing it, as if they are being asked to do something so difficult, when they are just being contrary because they don't believe I can be that allergic because they are so ignorant.

Soon after, my step-father came into the family room and told me off for leaving the doors closed (he was still angry). I just ignored him. About a minute later, LayZ boy came in and started yelling at me, telling me that I should not expect them to change their clothes, that this was their house and I wasn't allowed to make any rules and that I was a "loser". I told him to shut up and stop his nonsense. That of course inflamed our step-father who started yelling at LayZ boy for not ever cleaning up after himself, that he just took clean dishes and left his dirty dishes on the sink for someone else to wash and after LayZ boy left (he doesn't hang around to listen because he doesn't think he should do anything, so he just walks away, ignoring whatever anyone says to him) my step-father then started on me.

I was getting affected by their perfumes and so I was holding the cuff of my cardigan to my nose, so that I could breathe in there and not the perfume in the air which was making me itchy. Step-father went mental about that, telling me how dare I put my jumper to my nose so that I couldn't breathe the air in, that I was not allowed to watch television there, that I had to leave as soon as they came home because it's my fault if I got sick, he wasn't going to do anything to help me and then he turned off the television at the switch and was acting all threatening to me, my mother holding him back from hitting me.  I had to leave soon after and went to my room crying.

Soon after that, my nose started getting even more itchy and my sinuses at the front of my head hurts so much, plus I had pain in my ears and my throat started getting sore. I have an immediate reaction to perfumes like this all the time and the stress I get from their menacing, abusive, threatening words and action, just exacerbates it more. They make me feel like I ask for way too much when I ask them to try to be supportive and helpful to me.

My family is so abusive, ridiculous and totally ignorant!

It doesn't matter how many times I tell them how super allergic I am, it doesn't matter how many time they see my reaction to perfumes and other allergens, it doesn't matter how much I explain it to them - it means nothing, they continue to behave abominably to me in their totally dismissive, threatening, belligerent and obnoxious way with no regard to my health at all. They are just selfish people!

Sore throat and lungs

Anyway, today my throat is so sore from screaming at them yesterday. I was screaming at them to stop touching my things, to stop violating my rights, to stop invading my boundaries and to allow me to have my own things without anyone invading my right to privacy.

I didn't say it so articulately, I just told him to stop touching my things, that LayZ boy has no right, absolutely no right to touch anything of mine, ever.  I just screamed and screamed and screamed because I was so frustrated with them, but of course, they don't take any notice.

Needless to say, not only is my throat sore today, but so are my muscles surrounding the outside of my throat as I was yelling so much.  I was so incredibly frustrated with them for violating my rights yet again.  It's just an awful feeling!

After I started screaming, my mother came up to see what the calamity was and told LayZ boy so weakly that he shouldn't touch my things, but of course he didn't want to hear it and closed the door in her face - that is how he reacts when she tries to tell him anything about me and my rights and boundaries. He simple shuts her out and tells her to go away and then starts telling me to "fuck off" and calling me a loser. He acts just like a five year old child would behave, not a grown adult.

Meanwhile, my step-father is just laughing and yelling loudly, imitating me, mocking me and telling me to scream more, that the police are going to come and lock me away, that I am mental and have lost it and that there is little left of my sanity. Then, conversely, a little while later, he tells me, that I am just pretending, that I am not upset really, that I am just pretending and making it up! Insanity! These people are the definition of insanity!

As one counsellor told me, being around them was "crazy-making" because they were just so chaotic, manic, obnoxious and abusive, with little regard for my rights or boundaries.  These people are strangers to me. They are really not my family. That's what it feels like, because they have been so abusive to me my whole life and its just getting worse now that LayZ boy is here because with his horrible, ugly baseness, he convinces my parents to be their worst too.  His influence on them is so obvious and so bad - he brings out their vileness and they all rejoice in it!

You know, I have always wished for a loving, close, supportive family because I have never known that from my own family.  All I have ever received is abuse, violence, my rights violated and people making fun of me and mocking me for no reason. It's just awful to know that these people who are supposed to protect and love you, just do the complete opposite and continue to do so. It is really sad.

I know when I leave here, I wont contact them for a long time. I need the distance to find myself and find who I really am and how to make myself whole again, because right now I am shattered and broken, physically, mentally and spiritually and I really need to heal myself in order to live properly and have a good life!