My family lives in fear of everything

Another thing I realised about this family is that they live in fear and that is how they operate their lives. Every single thing they do, every action they take, every behaviour they chose, is based on their fear. Fear of everything.

They are so hypocritical and so unaware of their behaviours that when I put the mirror up in front of them, they cant handle it and get really angry with me, as it makes their fears almost unbearable for them.

My mother and her superstitions has a lot to answer for! My step-father and his volatile anger has a lot to answer for! My brother with his vicious vindictiveness has a lot to answer for!

Their fears have infected me too. It's such a struggle for me not to feel like certain things are possibly tainted to the point where I cant eat them.  I have realised it's just a fear based on my mother's insanity, telling me that things people gave me were cursed and could hurt me (and in fact, she would take away some of the things people gave me as gifts, because she believed that they would hurt to me even touch them), so of course I internalised that, as a young girl, into a fear of everything possibly hurting me, because if innocuous things from people (who were friends of the family) gifts  to me (ie clothes etc) could hurt me, then everything could, including food from people I didn't know!  So no wonder sometimes even now I get stressed about things I get from other people, thinking that they could contain some harmful thing and hurt me.

Jeez, it's so obvious now, more than ever what the source of all that has ailed me internally has been, but when I used to think these thoughts, I thought that there was something really wrong with me and I didn't know why I was having these thoughts.  It's just so obvious now where they came from isn't it?

My step-father just gets so angry so quickly - he's really volatile and growing up, I never knew when he would suddenly get upset, start yelling at me, making me feel scared and threatening to hit me (or actually hitting me).

My brother, has absolutely no boundaries - he does whatever he wants to do and doesn't give a damn about what anyone else wants or thinks because it doesn't concern him and doesn't affect him. He's so selfish and self-centred.

It makes me sick that I have been subjected to such crappy sickness from these people and then to add insult to injury, they blame me for everything. They refuse to take any responsibility for their actions, their words or behaviours, as if they did nothing wrong and I am the one who is wrong for ever bringing these things up.