How the hell am I going to handle the idiots

How can I handle being around these people who treat me so poorly?  How can I reconcile myself to the fact that I have such a horrible, shitty family who take pleasure in seeing me in pain?

They are absolutely vile, disgusting people.

I want nothing to do with them.

But dammit it's just hard to find a way out.

I am not working because I am sick.

I have severe allergies and cannot be in an enclosed room with people wearing strong perfumes or perfumed skin/hair/body care products because they may me ill - I get an allergic reaction so bad and am sick for days. So being in a meeting room, even an interview with someone that is wearing strong perfumes is completely out for me. I have multiple chemical sensitivities, unfortunately.

And because I am not working, I am not getting a proper income, which means it's difficult to find anything affordable to rent. But not only that, I wouldn't even be approved for anything because I am not working and the money I get wouldn't even cover the weekly rent, so I wouldn't even be able to afford food, electricity, phone, Internet or public transport because I would be in debt each week.

I cant share with anyone, because I am so allergic that I couldn't handle being around anyone who uses any type of products - body/hair/face as well as cleaning/laundry products - because they would make me ill. 

It's just such a difficult situation I find myself in and meanwhile the idiotic, nonsense family become more idiotic and nonsensical.

I am still waiting for that agency to get back to me about affordable housing - you pay only 25% of the money you get, so that is basically not very much at all. But the issue is that the housing market is so tight and there are not enough houses for the people who are looking. So I wait, in absolute hell. It just sucks big time.

I need to win some major prize in a lottery. That would sort out a lot of my problems. I could afford any type of property, especially those holiday rentals or serviced apartments that don't care if you work or not. I'd have to tell them to use my own products to clean the place, not their toxic stuff and it would be all good. I could stay there for a few months until an appropriate place came up for me and I could move immediately. Then I would have no more abuse.

The hell house with the insane people continues

These people who call themselves my immediate family are not normal, not sane and certainly not nice.

Just a few minutes ago, my step-father started banging on my door loudly and telling me, viciously that I was going to "burn down the house" and called me a "lazy idiot" because I had food warming up in the oven, at low heat, for 30 minutes. What a moron!

I was just about to finish reading a page and then in about a minute, I was going to turn the oven off and get my food out. But no, he has to harass me about it and be mean and derogatory, for no reason other than because he likes to be cruel and abusive to me.

When I got into the kitchen/family room, all three of them were there - mother and step-father laying and sitting on the couch and brother LayZ boy was making himself coffee. I tried to not breathe with my nose, because LayZ boy had put on more of his perfumed products and got out of there really quickly as soon as I took my food out of the oven.

I went back to my bedroom and my mother went ballistic at me, because I left the hallway door open. Obviously I had both hands full with the food tray and had just set it on my bed when she started screaming at me - I didn't even get a chance to go back and close the door. She was vicious and cruel, yelling at me and then banging on my door loudly yelling at me in a nasty way that I "better close the hallway door next time, or else" and then she went  back into the kitchen/family room. What a bitch.

Soon after LayZ boy walked to his bedroom and started yelling out, "Grandpa, grandpa, where are you?" as he walked past my bedroom, like a lunatic.  He's been saying things all day as he walks past my room and of course I have stayed in here and totally ignored him and he cant handle that. What a complete and utter moronic idiot he is.

These people are like wolves baying for me. They are simply not normal and I will not allow them to screw me over any more. I will not. I have kept my distance from them and don't engage with any of them on any level for the last two days, but still they insist on saying nasty and derogatory things to me. There is something seriously wrong with all of them.

These people are not related to me. As soon as I get out of here, I intend to sever all ties with them. I am not going to ever contact them again. They  are dead to me.

Mother is resolutely in denial that her son is a vindictive person

The idiot LayZ boy walks up and down the hallway and starts whistling in this insane way, just to make sure I know he's walking past. He does it to try to annoy me, but I don't react to him, yet he still does it. In-fucking-sane!

His mother told him to stop whistling while he's in the house, that there's no need for it, yet he continued to do it. She told him again to stop. He responded with: "That's how I whistle". She didn't ask him why he was whistling, she told him she wanted him to stop it, but he wont listen because he knows there are no consequences to his actions.

And the whistling is a just a minor thing he does. When they're not home, he starts banging on the hallway walls, just on the other side of my bedroom, so I can hear him, just to try to annoy me. He starts running up and down the hallway, banging on the wall on the other side of my bedroom, like a total lunatic.  He does this to try to antagonise and upset me. And no matter how little I react (I don't even come out of my room - I either turn up the volume on the TV louder or do nothing), the nutcase continues to do it. He gets bored after a while, but it's like his vindictiveness and viciousness gives him energy to be a total lunatic!

Hi mother on the other hand, wont believe he does things on purpose to antagonise and upset me, so this gives him a free pass to continue it. And when she does say anything minor to him, he acts up even more (like a freaking 5 year old child) and she gives up, so he knows how to get around her so she stops saying anything to him. And because his mother wants to deny that he does anything on purpose and wants to deny he has major mental problems, she lets him get away with his obnoxious behaviour.

Idiots all of them!

My family lives in fear of everything

Another thing I realised about this family is that they live in fear and that is how they operate their lives. Every single thing they do, every action they take, every behaviour they chose, is based on their fear. Fear of everything.

They are so hypocritical and so unaware of their behaviours that when I put the mirror up in front of them, they cant handle it and get really angry with me, as it makes their fears almost unbearable for them.

My mother and her superstitions has a lot to answer for! My step-father and his volatile anger has a lot to answer for! My brother with his vicious vindictiveness has a lot to answer for!

Their fears have infected me too. It's such a struggle for me not to feel like certain things are possibly tainted to the point where I cant eat them.  I have realised it's just a fear based on my mother's insanity, telling me that things people gave me were cursed and could hurt me (and in fact, she would take away some of the things people gave me as gifts, because she believed that they would hurt to me even touch them), so of course I internalised that, as a young girl, into a fear of everything possibly hurting me, because if innocuous things from people (who were friends of the family) gifts  to me (ie clothes etc) could hurt me, then everything could, including food from people I didn't know!  So no wonder sometimes even now I get stressed about things I get from other people, thinking that they could contain some harmful thing and hurt me.

Jeez, it's so obvious now, more than ever what the source of all that has ailed me internally has been, but when I used to think these thoughts, I thought that there was something really wrong with me and I didn't know why I was having these thoughts.  It's just so obvious now where they came from isn't it?

My step-father just gets so angry so quickly - he's really volatile and growing up, I never knew when he would suddenly get upset, start yelling at me, making me feel scared and threatening to hit me (or actually hitting me).

My brother, has absolutely no boundaries - he does whatever he wants to do and doesn't give a damn about what anyone else wants or thinks because it doesn't concern him and doesn't affect him. He's so selfish and self-centred.

It makes me sick that I have been subjected to such crappy sickness from these people and then to add insult to injury, they blame me for everything. They refuse to take any responsibility for their actions, their words or behaviours, as if they did nothing wrong and I am the one who is wrong for ever bringing these things up.