The threats to hurt me are always there

The family that I am currently living with is not normal.

The step-father said to me the other night (when he got into one of his violent moods), "You better get out of here soon, because I will kill you. And I may got to jail, but you'll be dead!" Meanwhile his son LayZ boy and his wife were holding him back, preventing him from doing anything to me. Not because they were concerned for my safety, no. They were concerned I was taping his behaviour and if the police saw any of it, he would go to jail for threatening me like that.

The son LayZ boy and his mother were trying to protect the step-father from going to jail. So again, they were totally sanctioning  his behaviour.

The step-father kept on going on and on, yelling at me, threatening me, telling me to "piss off" out of there, otherwise he would tear my things apart.

The step-father gets so aggressive when he gets fired up and it takes very little to fire him up. He takes umbrage against anything I do, irrespective of the fact that there is no reason for him to do so, that is irrelevant to him, he just wants to rage at me.

And because of this, I have felt very upset since that argument, very much like crying a lot, as this situation with the nonsense, violent and abusive family is a completely untenable situation for me. I keep telling myself that it's not my fault and try to make myself feel better.

Idiotic, ignorant, stupid family that I have

These people who call themselves my family are beyond idiotic, beyond ignorant and beyond stupid.

They seem to think that because they cant smell something, therefore I cannot either and therefore, it's all my head, that I am not allergic to anything and I am lying. It is completely infuriating to deal with idiots like them.

I keep trying to reason with them, by telling them that they don't have severe allergies, they don't get sinusitis, they don't sneeze at dust, they don't have hay fever, like me, so how are they in a position to tell me what I can or cant be allergic to? They continue to deny that there is an issue.

They all know I have multiple chemical sensitivities, that I am highly allergic and cannot be around anyone with lots of perfumed products anywhere on their body because my immune system over-reacts and I get major allergic symptoms, which make me feel like shit. And I cant take conventional medicines because I get really bad side effects from them, so I am totally stuck feeling like crap because the idiots wont listen and respect my illness and show some compassion and kindness to me. I know, it's too much to ask for, from ignorant idiots like them.

It's my mother who is a total and utter bitch. My idiot brother LayZ boy does things to be vindictive and retaliatory, by spraying himself with every perfumed product he has and parading up and down the hallway, leaving his room open so the aroma can pervade the whole area (towards my bedroom) and she simple refuses point blank to recognise that he's doing things on purpose because he knows I will get sick and then she tells me she cannot smell anything, so therefore there is no smell. She's lying. And because of this, it gives that vindictive fucking asshole of a brother LayZ boy permission to keep doing it, because his mother wont do anything to stop him. And of course I just get sicker. God help me! And I am not even religious, but I need someone to help me!

I showed two of the videos of the night they were being abusive a week ago to this woman I know who owns a small store and she was absolutely shocked. She couldn't stop shaking her head and her mouth was totally agape, as she was shocked, beyond words. I have told her how horrible they are to me, but a video image of the actual situation is far more effective at showing the disgusting reality and is more shocking because of its intense abuse and violence. I said to her, "See what kind of family I have?" and she responded with, "It's not a family." No kidding! No-one should have to put up with he violent and abusive crap I have had to put up with, ever. It's totally and utterly disgusting!

The more people that see how disgusting my family, the more people that can see their vile behaviour, the better I will feel, because then they will know what kind of shit I have been subjected to all these years from the violent, volatile and abusive idiots!

My mother called the police to try to get me arrested

During the fight tonight, my mother called the police because she thought that she would tell them lies (yet again) and they would believe her, so that she could get me locked up or taken to the mental ward! What a freaking mother!

She didn't think that the video I took with all of them threatening me, yelling at me, trying to throw things at me and trying to forcibly take my phone from me would count for anything. She thought that she could lie like she normally did to the police and they would just believe her.

When she was on the phone to the police, she told them that I started yelling and screaming at them, going ballistic and crazy and she didn't know why. I then took the other handset and told the guy that it wasn't the case, that I took a photo of my brother, he went ballistic at me, then I videotaped his reaction and they all went ballistic at me - in other words, the truth! My mother kept interrupting me to say, "she's lying" and the guy obviously believed me because I told him I had videotape that I would show the officers of them all three abusing me.

Three police officers came here and one female officer came with me to the sun room to talk. I told her what happened and then another male officer came and I showed them the video tapes and they heard it all. This time the police believed me. I also told them that every time the police came here before, the three of them (mother, step-father, brother), all lied to the police and kept on saying that I was just crying and screaming at the for no reason, telling the police that I was nuts, lying through their teeth. The police officer understood, he said that it was reasonable that the police attending would believe the three of them against me, because I had no proof otherwise and there was three of them. But since this time I had proof, at least I could back up what I was saying, that it was them who were volatile, violent and abusive and that was the reason why I was crying.

The police officers told me that I needed to get away from this situation, that it wasn't healthy or safe for me, given that they saw the video of the idiot family I have. They also told me that if I needed to call them again, they would come.

They also said that normally people didn't videotape their families and I agreed, but he totally understood why I was doing it. I did tell them that after my brother attacked me last year and each subsequent visit by police officers was a situation of my family lying about what was going on, that I had to use the video to prove what was going on. He understood.

Thank God!

They will now write up at the police station, the outcome - me being abused and that it's the three of them who are the aggressive abusers - which means if they are called again, I can tell the police to look up this job and to watch the video so they can see it's them. They may even get arrested next time!

After the police left, my family were so upset that they got chastised by the police, that the video evidence was irrefutable proof that they were abusing me and that their lies didn't work this time. My brother and mother were angry and yelling in the kitchen about me, trying to devised other ways to "punish" me for letting the police know the truth, because their little plan to have me committed didn't work.

What an awful, horrendous family I have! What assholes they are!

More violence and abuse tonight

What a horrid evening I have had this evening!

Earlier tonight, the three of them (mother, step-father and brother) were having dinner and I was about to go to my bedroom to watch television when I heard the television was still on in LayZ boy's room. I went back into the kitchen to tell my mother and step-father that his television was on and that they seemed to have two rules - one for them and one for me. They yell and scream at me if I leave the TV on for just a moment while I go out of the room (of course I am coming back), but when it comes to them, they can leave a TV on for hours in another room and that's okay. They just told me to get lost.

So I went to my bedroom to get my mobile phone which has a good camera, to take a picture of the idiot brother LayZ boy and he just started yelling at me, calling me a "mental loser", so I started videotaping it all. My step-father then started going ballistic, as did my mother. My step-father tried to throw things at me, but my mother and brother LayZ boy stopped him (he had a knife at one point and was threatening to throw it at me and I was videotaping everything). My mother came towards me to try to take my phone away from me, as did my step-father. My brother kept threatening me, telling me that if he stood up and had to stop me videotaping, then there would be trouble. I kept videotaping everything they said and did - and they did a lot of vulgar, horrible stuff, threatening me non-stop. My mother grabbed my arm trying to get my phone away - I think I have bruises from the violent way she took hold of me, while she was yelling and screaming at me.

The three of them were like wild animals. Finally I caught them in their sick mental behaviour and they did not like it one bit. They kept saying I was sick in the head - yeah me, I don't think so! It's the three of them who are the mentally unwell ones. They just keep on with the violence and abuse and think I "asked for it".

These people are not normal. They act ballistic and mental because I took a photo of my brother and then videotaped his reaction. That was all it took for them to start abusing me!

The photo that I posted here is the one that caused all the problems with them. You cant even see my brother LayZ boy's face, so it's not like he is recognisable. They're just abusive, volatile, violent people who just want to treat me like shit and think it's okay to do so. They're just horrible!

My parents created a monster in LayZ boy

The delusions that my mother has about her son - that he has any goodness at all - are so far removed from reality and that just means he will continue to befuddle and manipulate her, make her think that he does nothing wrong. And that will ultimately be all three of their downfall.

Every time I tell my mother what he does to me - hitting me, pushing me, calling me names, blowing cigarette smoke on my clothes on the clothes line, going out for a cigarette when he knows I am outside, just so he can blow smoke at me - she refuses to see that he is doing anything wrong. She keeps telling me, "he never does any of this in front of me". By saying that, she gives him carte blanche to keep behaving that way. She wants to avoid it, she doesn't want to know and so by pretending its not happening, she enables it to continue happening. She wont acknowledge that her son is a vicious, manipulative asshole who takes pleasure in hurting his sister, because that means facing reality and my mother will do anything to avoid facing reality. What an idiot! And because of her idiocy, I get caught in the crossfire, her enabling him and being so delusional about him means that he can carry on behaving despicably in the full knowledge that there will be no consequences.

And even me telling my mother that her son LayZ boy was going through her personal papers in her drawers did nothing. When she came home, he denied it and then they had a nice little chat about what they would have for dinner! He tells her he didn't go through her drawers, that I was lying as usual (even though its him that lies and not me) and she believes him over me. How sick is that?

But, conversely, my mother doesn't stop yelling at me. She goes into my bag (which is in my bedroom) without my knowledge or permission, rifles through to find the car keys and bedroom door key and takes them. That's okay for her to do, so I guess its okay for him to do the same to her. I guess she will find out when he takes something of value and she cant deny it, or pretend he didn't do it.

LayZ boy learnt to be a volatile bully to people he perceives that are weaker than him, just like his step-father, yet he is scared of anyone who is bigger (and stronger) than him.

They all abuse and dump on me because they can. My mother allows it. She is the head of this family and she allows it.

These people make me sick!

When I leave here, things will unfold rapidly when their idiotic son starts gambling heavily again. He has already started gambling. This means he will get desperate for money because he will lose, like he invariably does and that will mean he will start stealing money from them like he used to from his wife when he was living with her. My mother will continue to stay in denial, pretending that nothing is going on, meanwhile, LayZ boy will continue to steal from them and get further into debt while he gambles even more.

LayZ boy, just like his mother, has an addictive personality - he is addicted to cigarettes, he is addicted to sugar, he is addicted to coca cola, he is addicted to gambling - and this marriage break-up will all bring it out. Once LayZ boy really starts to realise that his ex-wife is going to divorce him and take everything from him, he will get more desperate and start gambling really bad. He'll probably get my parents into debt and they may even lose their house.  Let them. If they are that stupid to trust a totally untrustworthy, deceitful piece of shit, then they should all get what they deserve!

LayZ boy gets more aggressive today

Today LayZ boy again tried to get my attention. He really is insane.

I woke up early and did some household duties (washed the dishes and cleared up the sink), but it seemed that no-one was home, so I felt wonderful to be free from the three non-entities who live here and treat me like crap.

Unfortunately, that bliss wasn't to last long.

While I was with the chickens feeding them some greens, LayZ boy came outside, hair totally unkempt and sticking up everywhere and lit up his cigarette just near where I was, so that he could blow his cigarette smoke at me, because he knows it makes me ill. What a complete idiotic person he is!

I waited until he moved away a little and went inside. I still had some more to feed the chickens, but I thought it better if I did it later, because the air out there was going to reek of cigarette smoke, as LayZ boy seems to think he should smoke next to the chicken enclosure, so they can breathe in the smoke. Totally sanctioned by his mother.

I had intended to wash my undies, but I couldn't go to the pergola (that's where the laundry is) because it stunk so badly of cigarette smoke as LayZ boy left the door open, so I had to wait a while. When I did go out to the pergola to hand wash my undies, LayZ boy must have seen me when he went to the toilet (the entry to the toilet looks in on the pergola) and decided that he wanted to come out to have a cigarette right then. I, of course, left the pergola, but not before closing the door, so that his cigarette smoke didn't pervade inside. Luckily I had finished washing and rinsing the undies, I just had to hang them out on the clothes line. About half an hour after he came inside, I hung out my undies on the clothes line. So again, I thwarted his little plan. And while I know he likes to blow cigarette smoke on my clothes, I didn't think he would do it to my undies, as that would have been really weird even for a nutcase like him.

When I went back outside later to take my now dry undies off the clothes line, I saw LayZ boy rifling through our parents drawers, looking through their papers and other documents. I told him that I would be letting his mother know what he did and he denied it, of course. Then he called me a "loser" and started going off his head at me. He even pushed me hard - I had my phone in my hands holding it up and he pushed it against my teeth. What an aggressive, belligerent fool.

He then called his mother but she didn't answer, as I did too but I got through. I told her what he did and meanwhile, LayZ boy stood outside my door, listening to my conversation. He got so upset that I got to her first before he was able to lie to her and started calling me a "loser" and told me how "fucked up" I was for telling her what he did. Then he walked to his room yelling loudly and continued to talk to himself for about 10 minutes. He is not a normal person. He is mentally unwell.

The duplicity is overwhelming

The very ironic thing is that very few people have seen the way my family treats me because they mostly "act" in a normal manner when other people are around.  Their duplicity of behaving "normal" like everything is fine and they don't hurt me in front of other people every day upsets me so much!  It makes me feel like I am just imagining all of this stuff, that it's not really happening and I have no right to be upset because, look, how nice my family are in front of other people.  Obviously it must be my fault!

Twice in the past (once when he was drunk and once sober when I was in my late teens to early 20's) my step-father behaved in his normal abusive, violent way towards me in front of other people.  He actually showed who he was and these people had to restrain him from trying to beat me up.  After that, both people tried to counsel him about his behaviour, telling him that he was being an awful person and he shouldn't treat his step-daughter (or anyone in his care) in that manner.  That he should have more respect for me than what he was displaying.  That he was being really hard on me and abusing me needlessly and mercilessly.

Of course my step-father acted all repentant and said that he was drunk or that it was out of character and he never treats me in that way normally and of course my mother backed him.  Yeah right.  But what could I say?  And what could these people do anyway.  They didn't live in our home and couldn't protect me from his wrath if I spoke out against him and told them that he actually did hit me every day and not only did he hit me every day, but so did my mother.  I couldn't tell them that these people would laugh at me, mock and deride me and put me down all the time.  If I told anyone what was going on, they would hurt me more, hit me more and punish me in other ways and I really couldn't risk that happening, so I kept quiet, kept it to myself and these people thought that everything was fine.  I think they asked me after these incidents if things were fine and I told them that everything was okay.  What else could I say?  The truth?  My parents would hit me more and tell me not to cry while they were hitting me.  The more I cried, the more I got hit.  I had no idea.  I thought if I begged for mercy, begged them to stop, they would.  But they didn't.  They just kept going. Merciless!

While the bruises healed on the outside, the ones on the inside have never healed.  Every day is hell with these people.

Another day in hell

Another day with the hell family.

My step-father and brother were in the sun room and I came out to show my step-father a gossip magazine with actors and my brother LayZ boy starts yelling at me and telling me what an "idiot" I am, how "stupid" I am, that I am "unmarried" and a "loser" just because I am talking to my step-father who is enjoying my conversation. 

My step-father told my brother to stop all of his ranting and raving, several times, but my brother continued to say his crap over and over again.  My brother cant handle it if I talk to my step-father because it means that he wont get on my brother's little bandwagon of lies, so that's why he lashes out at me.  So vindictive and childish. Unbelievable!

Now these comments from my brother are rather richly ironic, considering I am the educated one, I am the successful one (probably not so much at the moment, but that's a different story), I am single by choice right now and in any case, it's my brother who failed miserably at his marriage, to the point where his wife dumped all of his clothes in garbage bags into his car and changed the locks so he couldn't come back inside. She dumped him so unceremoniously and he's cut and taking it out on me. His wife told him that he she couldn't take any more of his abusive and aggressive behaviour.

My brother, LayZ boy is a drug addict, he's addicted to the pain medication Oxycontin (also known as "Hillbilly Heroine") and is really more angry than ever. And he still behaves like he's an errant 5 year old brat whose mother never taught him any boundaries, so now he does whatever he wants with her permission (explicit and complicit).

The argument, which I have on video/sound culminated with me telling my brother that I recorded him the other day saying to me, "You want me to hit you again"... and that's when he got really irate and really angry. Starting calling me a "fucking cunt", "slut", "loser", "bitch", "not married slut" and on and on, really angry. I stayed quite a way away from him, ready to lock the door on my study if he suddenly lashed out at me, like he is wont to do at times.

My mother defends him completely, she even says that my brother does nothing wrong and that everything is all my fault. That I am the one who starts everything that I am the one who causes arguments.  She wont see that it's LayZ boy my brother who is always at fault, but she wont see what is really going on because she doesn't want to acknowledge anything negative about her son. She refuses to see him for what he is. This also means she totally condones his violent abusive behaviour towards me and he knows it, the cunning sly person that he is.

As far as my mother is concerned, it is my fault that my brother started saying these hateful things to me, because I went into the sun room to talk to my step-father, so I have only myself to blame for my brothers' vitriol. He didn't do anything wrong, apparently I did for walking in there. See how deluded she is? 

I completely ignore my brother, don't talk to him at all, don't acknowledge him at all.  Yet, he finds ways to irritate and annoy me, to try to elicit some sort of reaction from me because he knows that I will get all upset and tell him to stop (he does it to get me to get upset) and then he'll go to my mother and say to her, "see, she's yelling at me, I didn't do anything to do".  It's a lie, of course, but because he's so good at manipulation, she believes him. She believes everything he says to her.

I am so sick of these mentally sick, abusive people. They drain my energy and make me feel bad every day.