The lunatic LayZ boy talks to himself all the time

LayZ boy has big mental issues. Really big mental issues.

He quite often sits in his room and talks to himself. It's not like he thinks he is talking to someone else (or maybe he is), it's more like he's talking to himself out loud because he has no-one else to talk to.

LayZ boy talks about nonsensical things.

LayZ boy talks so much nonsense, that even his mother tells him to shut up and stop getting on her nerves.

He continues to refer to the cat as "she" and "her", even though he knows the cat is male. He often calls the cat a "bitch" and tells the cat to "fuck off", especially if the cat doesn't want to stay with him after he has fed the cat. He also tells the cat he hates her (and yet he knows the cat is male).

I think he's using the cat as a substitute for his soon-to-be ex-wife and saying things to the cat, which he would want to say to his soon-to-be ex-wife (he cant handle it that the cat wants to go outside and play after he feeds it, he thinks the cat should stay with him and be grateful for his attention and he constantly calls the cat a bitch when he knows the cat is male). Not that LayZ boy would ever admit he has a problem, but I guess that is why I know definitely he has, when he wont recognise it.

It will be a happy day for me when I move from here and into my own place and never have to see LayZ boy's ugliness (both outer and inner) again.

LayZ boy the vindictive lunatic

LayZ boy has not had a reaction from me for weeks now. And he cant handle it. He continues stomping through the house most days because he wants attention and wants to upset me in some way. Idiotic lunatic!

If he hears that I am outside, he immediately comes outside to have a cigarette, but I hear him most of the time and am already in the sun room before he can light up a cigarette and blow it in my face, the asshole.

Today, unfortunately, I was too slow.

I went outside just before and I called out to the cat.

Very soon after that, while I was playing with the cat, LayZ boy came outside and as soon as I started to walk back inside, he had lit up his cigarette and blow the cigarette smoke on my face.

His mother was there too, but she just stood silently, watering the garden, pretending it wasn't happening. Great way to encourage her lunatic son to keep on behaving this way, just ignore it and therefore he thinks he cant continue to do it, because his mother wont say a word. Even his step-father, the aggressive one that he is, would tell off LayZ boy for doing that. Besides which, LayZ boy wouldn't do it in front of his step-father, for the very reason he would be told off.

I simply cannot believe I am related to idiots such as these two. I simply cannot fathom the depths of their mental illness. They are just very sick people. Very sick.

Hard to find a place to move into

I haven't yet found a place to move into because I want to make sure I am working in this job a bit longer, so that I have enough money to pay my rent when I do move.

Plus, renting is so very expensive here and it's hard to find a reasonably priced apartment somewhere close to public transport. When I move I will have to catch public transport, so I want a place that is not so far from public transport and doesn't take too long to get me to work.

I have been working crazy hours - most weekend and don't leave work till after 6.30pm, so I haven't had enough time to actually even look for a suitable apartment in the first place, so while I have more money now, I have much less time to spend looking for a suitable rental apartment. I am so time poor at the moment.

I usually look for the open for inspections (for Saturday) on Friday nights after I have relaxed a little in front of the television, but by that time I am absolutely exhausted after a tiring week working so hard that I cant concentrate properly and usually wake up late anyway, as I don't get enough sleep during the week, so catch up on Saturdays.

With this continued nutcase behaviour of the lunatic LayZ boy, it makes me more motivated to find somewhere to move.

LayZ boy is a stalker lunatic

I swear that LayZ boy has severe and major mental problems.

He sits in his room, curtains drawn, so that it is dark inside, television on, usually watching videos all day, sweating, smelly and vile.

Then, he goes out for a cigarette every hour or so and he walks past my room, to see what I am doing. He walks up and down stalking me, to the point where I am about to draw my curtains when I hear him go outside.

He is one sick lunatic!

What the hell is wrong with him and why is he looking into my room? What does he want to try to steal?

He is so jealous, so vindictive and such an idiot. He hates it that I have more than him and he wants what I have.

His idiot mother used to make me give my stuff to him when we were little kids, so now he thinks he has a right to my things. Assholes the lot of them.

And the thing is, if I tell him mother what he is doing, because he is such a good liar and manipulator, he'll tell her he didn't do that, that I am lying to make him look bad and she will believe him. And if she did believe me, she'd tell me that there is nothing wrong with him walking past my room, outside, up and down, like a stalker. Sick, sick, sick people!

I just want to shake the stupidity and lunacy out of them both!

Idiot!

LayZ boy is incredibly jealous of me

I have a good singing voice.

I have always wanted to be a singer but I get a bit shy and embarrassed when I try to sing in front of other people, so I have never pursued a singing career. I get a bit embarrassed that I start singing off-pitch when I am around other people. I am getting better, but it is hard for me to sing in front of others. I don't have the confidence.

Anyway, I have always felt confident singing in front of my family, because I always have sung in front of them. Maybe I should have tried to imagine I was at home, singing in the bathroom when I have sung in front of other people. I have sung karaoke and I get so nervous that my hand shakes. I do okay most of the time, because I talk myself into it, but I am so nervous.

And the interesting thing about my singing, is that I have a really good opera singing voice. Apparently I am a mezzo soprano, which means I can sing high and lower notes too. I find opera singing so easy-breezy, like it's nothing for me. I do enjoy it.

LayZ boy is very jealous of my ability to sing well and on key and in pitch.

Lately, he's trying so hard to sing. He's not actually singing, but talking in a slightly rhythmic way (that's how he seems to think singing happens).

LayZ boy has this intense need to compete with me. He always has. He fails miserably in any case, as he cannot sing and I can.

It's quite funny to hear because no matter how hard he tries, he doesn't have a singing voice.

This is very much like when we were kids. Anything I do, he wants to do too because he wants to be like me because he's so insecure about himself and thinks that I am smarter and better than him.

Lunatic!

The chaos that is this family - moodiness prevails

No wonder the counsellor keeps saying that I live in a chaotic environment (and have since I was a child), because I do. This is not a calm environment I live in and have never lived in. It is a very chaotic environment and one which is not good for me.

To have to contend with people who behave this way is not healthy.

The three of them are totally unpredictable - I never know what kind of mood they will be in from one day to the next, nor how they will respond to anything I do or say. It's very unstable and makes me feel very unsure about my life.

No wonder I have always felt that I haven't had sure footing in life, that I haven't felt like I belonged anywhere and that I haven't felt like I could count on anyone. How could I when I have been exposed to nonsense like this all my life and haven't known anything else.

I have finally realised why I have always attracted and been attracted to similar people to my family - those who use and disrespect me - because these are the only people who feel familiar to me and are what I am used to and know well.

I am starting to recognise the insanity for what it is now and that is making it worse with my parents because I am speaking up for myself and they don't like that and want to shut me down. That is sad that I have to tolerate that nonsense.

At least with the counselling and reading, I have been working on my self-worth and self-love, to make myself a stronger person who doesn't have to take crap from anyone.

You know the other day, I started to feel really sad. I felt really sad because I was grieving the childhood I never had and the good family I never had and I told myself that it was okay to feel this way, that it was normal to feel sad about that which I never had growing up, but which I should have had and was entitled to have. That made me feel better to know that.

My family is mentally unwell - part 2: the brother

LayZ boy, the brother has a range of mental health issues.

LayZ boy is very vindictive and into punishing others for their alleged transgressions against him. He will bide his time, waiting for an opportunity to do something to hurt you, if he thinks he has the power to do so. And to me, he thinks he does, because his mother gives him permission to do so, by always encouraging him and always protecting him. Great.

LayZ boy has psychopathic tendencies.

I watched a documentary about a man who was being tested for being a psychopath and it was just like watching my brother in action. The guy on the doco kept on telling the people studying him that he was very much a narcissist (exactly what LayZ boy has said about himself on many an occasion), he was very paranoid (just like LayZ boy - if I repeat to LayZ boy what he has told me before about himself, LayZ boy accuses me of spying on him) and he was abusive and obnoxious, more so when he thought the cameras were not on and behaved more "normally"when the cameras were on (exactly like LayZ boy, who says and does the most obnoxious and aggressive things when I am not holding a camera but who then behaves like a model citizen when the cameras are on, or when other people are around).

The guy in the doco was also very manipulative and lied a lot (that is also like LayZ boy) and he had no qualms about hurting people (just like LayZ boy) and had very little feelings for anyone else (just like LayZ boy) and didn't think twice about using others (just like LayZ boy).

The other thing that has been happening lately, is that LayZ boy has become even more manic than usual, so I wonder if he also has bipolar disorder too, just like his mother. LayZ boy seems to go on these manic highs and depressive lows, alternating between them. I don't think he really knows what he's doing to some extent.

LayZ boy is very mentally unwell. A normal person would not behave this way.

So no wonder his mother cant see that LayZ boy is so mentally unwell - that is because she is too and is in such denial about her mental health issues, that if she acknowledges her son's mental illness, she has to acknowledge her own and she wont do that.

At least now I have some understanding why.

My family is mentally unwell - part 1: the mother

Now that I have been working and am away from my family most of the day and with the counselling I have been getting and the reading I have been doing, I can see them with more objective eyes.

It's even more apparent that my mother and brother are mentally unwell.

While I am not a psychiatrist or even psychologist, I am quite smart and have been around them for a long time, so know my family and their behaviours really well, so I am in a good position to pinpoint their symptoms and try to work out what is wrong with them. Of course they would never concede to any diagnosis, but at least I will know.

The mother has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) to a mild extent. She tends to check and re-check everything, even coming back home when she thinks she has left the door open. My mother also has bipolar disorder. She is so moody and can snap at you about anything.

The mother yells a lot, is very angry and upset one moment and the next, she's all happy and relaxed. Something can upset her one day and the next it doesn't. If she wants something from me, she's very manipulative. If I don't give her what she wants, she yells at me and tells me she wont give me xyz next time I ask.

The other day the cat came in with another cats' claw in his upper paw and I asked the mother to get it out while I held the cat (actually it was her suggestion). She couldn't get it out and the cat became very agitated and upset. Finally I calmed the cat and the mother told me to hold it down so she could try again (she was trying to pull out the other cat's talon with tweezers, but all she seemed to be pulling, was the cat's skin and upsetting him). I told her no, that we should just leave the cat for now, as her technique wasn't working and was only upsetting the cat. The mother didn't like that, told me that I just wanted everything my way and that I was so stubborn.

I took the cat to the family room, where he hid under the couch, because he was obviously upset and didn't want any put rough handling.

I had some cold chicken in the fridge, so I cut off a tiny bit and took it to him, putting my hand (with the chicken on it) under the couch to let him smell it and eat it. To try to cajole him out. He did eat it without swiping me. I went back to the kitchen to get some more meat, to try to use it to cajole the cat out from under the couch. The mother started yelling at me, telling me to stop putting meat under the couch (I wasn't doing that, the meat was on my hand and from there it went into the cat's mouth) and that what I was doing wouldn't work, that the cat wouldn't come out from the couch, that I was stupid and stubborn for doing it. So unnecessary and so wrong. The next thing I see, is the cat right next to me, waiting for the chicken I was going to feed him. He is a smart cat. The mother on the other hand, is such a bitch. She wants to force the cat to do what she wants and calls me stubborn for telling her to stop that and to let the cat come out of his own accord (or cajole him with food).

I just shake my head when I think about her and her comments. She always puts me down and says derogatory things about me, for no reason other than to make me feel bad. She just cannot stop putting me down. According to her, everything I do is totally wrong, I cant do anything right. Yet, that is not true. She just tries to make me feel that way with the mean and nasty things she says to me, so needlessly.

The mother tends to hide her nasty behaviours or be on her best behaviour when she is around other people she doesn't know well, or when she is around people she thinks she needs to impress. But, when she behaves as obnoxiously to people as she does to me (these are people she thinks she doesn't need to impress and doesn't care about), they do not like her one bit and tell me how sorry they feel for me that I have a mother like that. Yeah, don't I know it!

Step-father is currently overseas

The step-father left on a plane the other day, to go overseas and see his brothers and sisters.

One good thing from that is I have one less person putting me down here.

But, unfortunately, it also means that LayZ boy has become even more obnoxious since the step-father left.

LayZ boy has started putting on music very loudly late at night or turns the sound on his television very loudly too, knowing full well that I am trying to sleep because I need to get up early for work. And, because his mother isn't home (she's out at the pub with her friends), he knows he can get away with it, because if I say anything to her, he'll just deny it and do it worse the next day.

If I say anything to him, it's only going to escalate the situation, upset me and wont make him stop, so I have been studiously ignoring him and because LayZ boy is such a child, he eventually turns down the music, while still quite loud, not as loud as before and I eventually fall asleep. If LayZ boy's step-father was home, he wouldn't be able to do this because his step-father goes to sleep even before I do and his step-father would yell at LayZ boy for having loud noises on.

The other thing that LayZ boy has been doing, is to stomp on the floor while he walks up and down the corridor, past my bedroom, just so I can hear him.

LayZ boy also turns on his alarm, to wake himself up early on a Saturday morning, just so he can start yelling really loudly, in order to wake me up from my sleep.

Additionally, the other night, around midnight, LayZ boy was talking very loudly on his phone to one of his friends and his mother said not a word to him about the noise he was making. If it was me on the other hand, she would be yelling profusely at me for making any noise above a whisper.

I just ignore the lunatic LayZ boy, because I know that he's doing it to get a reaction from me and I will not give him that satisfaction. As far as I am concerned, LayZ boy does not exist and has nothing to do with me or my life.

Yes unfair and hypocritical, but I don't expect anything else from the lunatics.

Havent posted anything in a while

I haven't posted anything in over two months and that's because I have been busy working.

The job has been a good thing for my mental health, as it has meant that I spend most of my day away from the lunatic nutcases that live here and instead spend the day with relatively normal people who are not mentally unstable like my family.

The other really good thing about this job is that is has given me back my self-confidence and my sense of self-worth again and that is also a very good thing.

The other good thing about this job is that I don't have to listen to lunatic nutcases say derogatory and mean things to me every day. I actually get praise for my work, because it is good.

The job I have taken has been very intense, very pressured, with very tight deadlines.

One thing I can say, is that I am totally not bored in this job, as it's very challenging and that's a good thing.

I am doing web development.

The manic nutcases in this family

This afternoon, the step-father was having a shower.

He either forgot to get some underpants, or his wife forgot to leave some out for him.

The step-father came out of the shower  and started yelling to his wife to get him some undergarments.

His wife yelled back to him, telling him to remember to get his own undergarments before he went into the shower. The step-father yelled to her to get his underwear.

LayZ boy heard all of this and started saying: "Mother, you better get step-father his underwear. He cant walk around without underwear. Mother. Mother. Mother. Get his underwear. Mother. Come on Mother, get step-father's underwear," finishing off with a laugh, as he must have thought his comments were hilarious.

I was in the kitchen for the duration of this exchange between the three manic nutcases, so I was not part of it, but because they were all yelling so loudly, I heard every comment made.

Echoes of abusive patterns

John Talbot, 1st Earl of Shrewsbury, presents the
Book of Romances (Shrewsbury Book)
to Margaret of Anjou, wife of King Henry VI, 1445

When the step-father told me he would kill me, but he would only go to jail, it brought back echoes of what a former boyfriend said to me. One ex-boyfriend said almost the same thing.

This just shows so clearly the abusive patterns I have been experiencing in my familiar relationships have been played out in my romantic relationships too. I have attracted one man like that in my relationships, which was the most significant relationship I have had so far and that is because everything about him was familiar - the abuse, drama, intense emotions, control, aggressiveness and fear.

While I havent been with any other guys who have been that abusive (at least I have learnt something), the other guys I have been out with, have been emotionally distant and unable to commit. That I think, is because I am unable to commit, so subconsciously I choose them to mirror what I feel and think about relationships.

I am so scared of being with a man who turns out like the step-father or LayZ boy, at some point in the future, so I either choose no relationship (it's safer for me, albeit more lonely) or I find a guy who doesnt want to be with me enough and try to convince him that he does. Of course, this ultimately ends up with me being heartbroken when the guy doesnt want to be with me enough.

As I write this, my behaviour in relationships now, strikes me as funny in an ironic way. That I would waste so much of my time with a guy who doesnt want to be with me enough, when I know that he doesnt want to be with me and I know that I am wasting my time, but I dont want to see it at the time, because I want to feel like I am worthy and the only way I can feel that way is to convince someone who seems indifferent to me that they love me and cant live without me. And as if that will happen!

So while I have learnt something (no more abusive men), I havent learnt enough, as I am still accepting less than I deserve from men.  I am learning.

The threats to hurt me are always there

The family that I am currently living with is not normal.

The step-father said to me the other night (when he got into one of his violent moods), "You better get out of here soon, because I will kill you. And I may got to jail, but you'll be dead!" Meanwhile his son LayZ boy and his wife were holding him back, preventing him from doing anything to me. Not because they were concerned for my safety, no. They were concerned I was taping his behaviour and if the police saw any of it, he would go to jail for threatening me like that.

The son LayZ boy and his mother were trying to protect the step-father from going to jail. So again, they were totally sanctioning  his behaviour.

The step-father kept on going on and on, yelling at me, threatening me, telling me to "piss off" out of there, otherwise he would tear my things apart.

The step-father gets so aggressive when he gets fired up and it takes very little to fire him up. He takes umbrage against anything I do, irrespective of the fact that there is no reason for him to do so, that is irrelevant to him, he just wants to rage at me.

And because of this, I have felt very upset since that argument, very much like crying a lot, as this situation with the nonsense, violent and abusive family is a completely untenable situation for me. I keep telling myself that it's not my fault and try to make myself feel better.

Successful with the job interview

Amazingly, I got the job I applied for recently and which I had the interview.

Funnily enough, the day before I got the call I was successful, I had this interesting "intuition" that told me I got the job. It was rather curious to "hear" this intuition as I thought that maybe because I hadn't heard back for a number of days, I wasn't successful.

Now I have to get all the paperwork sorted out and then will start in a few weeks.

In the meantime, an old colleague of mine wants me to do something for him for a few days. I had a mini-interview a few days ago, to gauge my ability (by a few in his team) to complete what they wanted me to do. I passed.

This is good as it can keep me occupied for a few days and provide me some money to help me find an appropriate place to move to.

Actually once the paperwork is completed and I start in the new job, I can find a place to move to, away from the mental house, which can be my place of job and relaxation.

In the meantime, while I look for a new place, I will be working every day so I wont be anywhere near the mental family for more than 10 hours every day, just around dinner, which I don't eat with them anyway, so very little contact. Hallelujah!

LayZ boy is an irresponsible selfish thing

LayZ boy is a user.

LayZ boy uses everyone he comes into contact with.

If LayZ boy cannot use you, he doesn't have any time for you.

LayZ boy's parents never instilled in him any values of selflessness or responsibility, instead, they allowed him to get away with anything and everything he did. LayZ boy knew that no matter what he did, I would be blamed for it, because as elder child, he was my responsibility to maintain not theirs. So, if he was "naughty", it was never his fault, it was my fault, even when I was but a child. This of course gave LayZ boy the expectation that he would never have to be responsible for any of his behaviours.

LayZ boy's parents believed that as a male child, he did not have to be responsible for any housework ("a boy's hand should never touch a mop or a broom" - how ignorant) and that because he was just over a year younger than me, they also believed that LayZ boy should never have to be responsible for his actions, no matter what he did.

So now, LayZ boy does not know how to wash dishes (he tried once and his mother marvelled at it, like he had performed a miraculous deed, telling me how wondrous it was that he attempted it, once), LayZ boy does not know how to turn on an oven and he does not know how to use a washing machine either. If LayZ boy was not living with his parents, he would not survive very long.

The step-father is home to a cold house

So the step-father came home around 9pm and the fire was almost completely out.

It is absolutely freezing outside. The wind is lashing the rain and it's very cold. With the wind chill factor, it must b close to zero degrees Celsius right now.

As soon as he heard his step-father come in, LayZ boy came out of his room to greet him in the family room.

The step-father asked why LayZ boy didnt put some more wood in the fire. LayZ boy dismissed him (seems to be an ongoing theme in this family, the dismissiveness) and said to the step-father, "You dont need the fire on, go to bed," as if his step-father is a child and LayZ boy has final say about what goes on in this house. Then LayZ boy promptly left the room so that the step-father had no recourse to say anything further to him.

After LayZ boy left the room, the step-father could be heard saying, "fucking LayZ boy what a bludger, doesnt even put one piece of wood in the fire to keep it going" and "what a family this is". Yeah step-father, what a great, upstanding son you have raised there. He takes after his step-father's selfishness and irresponsibility. Good job!

Good. Let them see that LayZ boy does not take responsibility for anything, that he is a selfish, self-centred son-of-a-bitch who does not do anything for anyone unless there is something in it for him. But I doubt that his parents will come to any such rational conclusion.

The hallway and draught hypocrisy

The mother has an issue with a draught coming through the hallway door.

Every time I leave the hallway door open, the mother rages up the hallway, yells at me, "you blood idiot, leaving the door open like that", slams the door shut and then she continues to yell at me as she goes back to the family room.

LayZ boy, on the other hand, leaves the doors all open, all the time and she says absolutely nothing to him.  He even leaves the hallway door open, plus the landing door open and the mother says nothing to him.

When I point it out, the fact that she says nothing to her son for doing the same thing I do, and for which she yells at me mercilessly, you know what her response is? "I didn't notice" An absolute lie. She notices all right. She just closes the door and says nothing to him.

It's just hypocrisy. If I do something like leave the hallway door open to get our rooms heated, the mother acts like I have committed a heinous crime. When her son LayZ boy does it, the mother pretends he didn't and says nothing.

To illustrate even more just how hypocritical this behaviour it, when the mother and step-father go to bed, she then opens the hallways door herself, so her room can get heated. Selfishness to the extreme!

There is no major draught coming through. The mother just likes to create drama and blame me for everything, but does not say anything to her son LayZ boy.

It's just such major hypocrisy, as per usual.

The hypocrisy is ongoing

Today is another cold, windy and rainy miserable day.

Both the step-father and the mother have left the house to go to the pub. They didn't leave enough wood in the fire (again).

Their son, LayZ boy is home, but he wont put any wood in the fire. I think since the fire was started, around April, LayZ boy has put wood in the fire just one time. That's why I call him LayZ boy, as he does not contribute anything. All LayZ boy is interested in, is to smoke his cigarettes, watch videos all day and be a total nuisance.

So, once the step-father and mother come home, they will find the fire out and one of them has to go out in the rain to get some more wood to re-start the fire.

I don't care. After the way the treated me last night, I will not be doing anything for them. If their son chooses not to keep the fire going and if they are happy with that, then that is their prerogative. I will not keep the fire going. I am staying in my room, where I was told to "piss off to" last night.

I wonder though, if they will learn anything other than to try to blame me? Late last night when the step-father came home by himself (his wife was still out and didn't come back til later), he didn't say anything about the fire being out, not even under his breath. But then again, it was warmer last night, today is freezing, so they may feel differently.

I don't care. It is not my responsibility. If they cant get their son to do something, it is highly hypocritical of them to chastise me for not doing it either. I will not stand for the inequity any more.

Hyocrisy in action

The house I live in at present with the lunatic nutcase family has a slow combustion cast iron fireplace in the family room, to heat the house.

After the argument tonight, the mother and step-father went out to their local pub and told me to get out of the family room, otherwise they were going to spray it with LayZ boy's strong perfume, because they know it affects me adversely (I have multiple chemical sensitivities).

Now, their son is at home, but he is more concerned with behaving like a manic nutcase and banging on walls and making off-key attempts to sing (and annoy me), smoking his cigarettes and just making lots of noise, than to keep the fire going for his parents, so that it's still warm when they get home.

Needless to say, the fire has gone out, as it's been several hours since they left and the fire has not had more wood put on it. I wont. I normally do, but I wont today after their vile behaviour.

They, of course wont chastise LayZ boy for not keeping the fire going. They don't because as far as they are concerned, he doesn't need to be responsible for anything, only me. As if that is fair or normal. It's just such hypocrisy to have all these expectations of me, but none of him. And, to put the onus and responsibility on me, when they put none on him.

What are they going to do when they get old and sick and LayZ boy is still living here? Are they going to continue to do everything for him - wash his dishes, wash his clothes, warm the house for him?

I felt like shit tonight

I felt like killing myself tonight.

I really felt like just ending it. Ending the misery that is my life.

I thought about slashing my wrists and letting the lifeblood run right out. And end this horrible misery I find myself in.

I went to my room and cried my heart out after they all continued to yell at me.

I felt so awful.

This is not a family.

These are horrible, awful people, who don't understand how to treat anyone with respect or decency.

These people are so ignorant and abusive and obnoxious and continue to blame me for their actions.

They never take responsibility for anything they do or say. They make me feel like everything that is bad is my fault, even though it isn't. They even tell me that all the time, "everything is your fault".

And the mentally unwell idiot LayZ boy walks past my room, up and down, calling me a "loser" and yet it's him who has not teeth. It's him who is unemployable. It's him whose wife cheated on him and wont have anything to do with him. It's him who has no prospects in life. Not me.

People who are unable to take responsibility for their actions

During the course of the fight with my step-father, both my mother and LayZ boy brother, kept yelling at me, even when I wasn't saying anything. They didn't say anything to the step-father, other than LayZ boy telling him to stop it because I may record it and then they could go to jail, with the evidence. Lucky for all of them I did not have my mobile phone on me to record anything.

At one point LayZ boy came in again to the family room and took one look at me and called me a "loser". I told him to shut up and stop saying that, because he was the one without any teeth, so if there was a loser around here, it was him.

Then, LayZ boy said to his mother, "See how she starts trouble. See how she says things to me to upset me."

There is something wrong with his ability to be rational. He is the one who came into the room and he is the one who was obnoxious and rude to me. I gave him a dose of reality and he did not like that, which he cant handle.

And of course, when I told them that the step-father needs to control him behaviour, they all blamed me. They all told me it was my fault that the step-father was upset. That the step-father was not responsible for his actions, that I was the one who was responsible for all of their actions, not them.

The insane family shows just how deluded and insane they are, yet again. Taking no responsibility for their actions and blaming their anger and their insanity on me, as usual.

The step-father who is clinically insane

Today we had another argument - the three of them vs me.

I asked my mother where my lottery scratchy ticket (which was on the table in the family room) was, as it was no longer there.

My step-father immediately and aggressively says, "You idiot, you cant keep your junk on the coffee table. I threw it away. What are you going to do about it?"

What kind of a response was that? I wasn't even speaking to him in the first place.

I then told my mother that I had it there earlier in the week and now it was gone. I asked her again where it was, because it was either her or my step-father who moved it, as I did not.

The argument escalated with my step-father yelling at me and telling me I was a "lazy bludger" and that he would throw anything of mine that was on the coffee table.

My mental step-father then proceeded to remove some of my food (in their plates) from the refrigerator and threw them in the sink filled with other dishes and water, proceeding to break all the dishes, telling me that everything in the refrigerator was his food and he could do whatever he wanted with it.

My step-father then threw his shoes at me. He got me with one. I threw them back at him, but missed.

The step-father also tried to come over to me, tried to hit me. He kept on coming at me and talking like he was not in possession of his mental facilities. He told me that he would kill me if I didn't leave right then and there. He would go to jail, but at least I would be dead.

Both my brother LayZ boy and my mother told me that this argument was all my fault. And when I said that the step-father needs to take responsibility for his actions, they said that it was my responsibility, not his. They are just so deluded.

Just another night in the mental house with the mentally unwell people.

Very strange dreams prior to and after interview

I have been having such weird dreams lately.

About two days before my interview last week, I dreamt that I had humongous fake breasts like Pamela Anderson's and that I had a really low-cut top on which exposed a lot of my cleavage and I had my jacket undone because it wouldn't accommodate those plastic appendages.

I was also waiting for a train, at I think Redfern station, a little confused about which train I should catch and what time it was coming. I also wasn't sure if I just missed the train or not. I felt very exposed with those huge plastic breasts and couldn't understand why I would have worn something so revealing to a job interview for  a corporate role.

Phew!

The next dream that I remembered, happened about two days after the interview last week and I was dreaming that I was singing for some friends and was doing it really well. I was hitting the high notes perfectly, as well as all the low notes too.

I know that dream occurred because I am thinking about doing some singing. I can sing and I have a wide range and I have really wanted to do something with it, some day!

Another job interview last week

I had another job interview last week. Again in IT, which is my area of expertise.

The panel who were interviewing me seemed really nice and the interview went well. I answered all their questions quite well I thought and they were giving me positive reinforcement by telling me that I answered their next question while also answering the present question. So that is always a good sign.

They also said I had an "impressive resume" with great skills. That was nice feedback to receive.

It seemed to me that they thought I would be a great applicant, but may be a little over-qualified for the role and could be bored. It was not said out loud, but implied by the way they phrased a question to me.  I am not so sure I sold myself enough to dispel any concerns they had.

I don't know what is going on at the moment. I don't get too nervous prior to interviews. I talk really well when I am being interviewed and answer questions appropriately and yet I am deemed over-qualified. What to do?

They told me they would decide soon, so I guess I will hear about it some time this week, whether or not I got the job. I am not too hopeful.

Teeth are being a pain... still

My upper molar (the one which had the second part of the root canal done the other day) is still aching a bit, but less so than yesterday.

It seems that the gum just above the tooth hurts a bit when touched or pressed.

The actual treatment was not painful at all (surprisingly) - it's just afterwards that is when you get the pain.

After the anaesthetic wears off, the drilling right inside the tooth, right to the bottom of the root is what causes the pain later - the tooth is rather traumatised by all the sharp drills and having part of its enamel and dentine removed is a traumatic experience for living tissue and teeth are living tissue!

I know that a tooth that has its root removed is technically no longer alive, but it still gets some sort of blood supply and is still in contact with other teeth, nerves, tissue around it - the other nerves around the root of the tooth may also get traumatised by the vibration of the drilling, which can be causing my pain now. That's the only explanation I have for it to be still painful!

Tooth and gum around it hurts today

I know it was expected, but that still doesn't ameliorate the pain!

The tooth that had the root canal work done on it yesterday is hurting me today, as is the area in the gum above it and to the side of it.

The pain in the gum area is the worst. It's like this hot, searing pain and if anything touches it (like a bit of food), it hurts even more. In general and most of the time, there is a dull ache type of pain, which gets worse when anything puts pressure on that part of the gum - even me smiling or moving my mouth a certain way will do it. Yikes!

Damn, it's annoying.

Nothing much I can do about it, other than take some painkillers and I don't have any. I may get some tomorrow if the pain is still bad.

It was hurting a little last night and earlier today, but has seemed to get worse this evening after I ate dinner. Maybe it was the act of eating food, moving my facial/jaw muscles around (even though I was careful not to eat on the side of my mouth where the tooth is located), that has irritated the tooth and gum around it.

The same thing happened after the first part of the root canal treatment, so maybe that's all it is - the tooth is a little traumatised from all the drilling work done into its very roots and is inflamed now and it will take a few days for it to get feel normal again.

If it still hurts this much tomorrow, I may also call the dentist to ask them what I can do about it - they're probably the best people to ask, as they would know why it would be reacting this way and whether or not it was normal.

LayZ boy is in a manic mood again

My brother LayZ boy is in a manic mood, yet again and it's not even Monday, so that he can excuse it on "Manic Monday-itis"!

He is in his bedroom, banging things really loudly, jumping up and down on the wooden floors, making a lot of noise!

And every time he leaves his room, he starts talking to himself as he runs down the hallway to get to the kitchen or he bangs the doors loudly as he opens and closes them to get outside to have a cigarette.

Neither of the parents are at home so he has no-one to talk to, no-one to ramble on his incoherent ramblings with, so he talks to himself and makes as much noise as he can because he needs to make himself be heard. Yet, I still ignore him, wherever I am (usually in my bedroom), but he still continues, probably because he has no ability to control his actions.

I do think he has manic depression (bipolar disorder), with his wild mood swings, manic behaviour, which is then coupled with his low mood and inability to talk much to anyone, cloistering himself in his room and ignoring even his bosom buddy, his equally deluded mother.

Update: Actually, after a full hour of his manic behaviour (banging things loudly, jumping up and down in his room, running up and down the hallways, talking to himself), LayZ boy has finally calmed down and is no longer in his manic mood. He's such a weirdo!

New job to apply for - filling in selection criteria

While I am not that disappointed in not getting that job I applied for last week, I am more motivated now to try to find another role somewhere, just so that I can have a higher cash injection and be able to afford my own abode.

One of the recruitment agencies I am in contact with yesterday afternoon sent me another role which they think I would be a suitable candidate and it requires the completion of a number selection criteria as the role is longer term. It's no issue for me, as I know how to answer the questions as they are related to my skills.

I'll get to it this evening and then refine it, along with honing up my resume so that it highlights the skills that I have which are relevant for this role (not exaggeration, just ensuring that the work skills I have are more prominent in my resume).

Second part of root canal done

Today I had to be at the dentist for two hours, while he completed the second part of the root canal on my upper molar. I saw the other dentist in the practice, as he is more experienced in root canal procedures.

The dentist wanted to give me the anaesthetic needle without giving me a topical anaesthetic first, but I wasn't prepared for that and I asked for it and he obliged. He put the needle with the anaesthetic very slowly and steadily and I felt nothing while he was inserting it into my gum. Sometimes I have felt pain when the needle goes in, but this time was pretty good.

He had to remove the temporary filling and other material that the first dentist used and then file away the three chambers where the root of the tooth was formerly housed (which got infected and inflamed previously and had to be removed in the first appointment.

He used some interesting drills, which were whirring away slowly, aimed I guess, at removing any pulp and other diseased material in the chambers.

The root chambers of the tooth were cleaned out - when he first took out the temporary filling, it smelt of decay and wasn't pleasant, but it was not nearly as bad as when I had the first part of the root canal. Cleaning out the root chambers ensured that all decayed (and useless) material was removed and this means it should be good.

Once the root chambers were all cleaned out, dry and ready, he added a filling to the tooth.

I have to get a porcelain crown on the tooth, to strengthen it, but not yet - in a few months.

He also told me that the tooth would be a little sore for the next 4-5 days, due to the work that was done on it today, but it would settle down. I started to feel a slight bit of discomfort, very slightly just at the end of the treatment, when he was affixing the filling and the drill bit touched the side of my tooth for a fraction of a second, but it wasn't painful by any means, it just felt like brief uncomfortable pressure.

I am so glad to have finally found a dental practice which takes my pain sensations seriously and anaesthetises my nerves so that I don't feel pain.  And, their assistants are really lovely and unjudgemental. It's nice to finally find a dentist practice like that!

I didn't even get really scared or freaked out about the dental appointment today, whereas normally, for a few days prior to a dental appointment, I start stressing quite a lot. So that, says a lot about these two dentists - they really are patient and caring and listen to their patients!

I have finally found a dentist I can trust and who I can go to on a regular basis for maintaining the health of my teeth.

Didnt get the job - damn

I just found out today that I was "unsuccessful" after my interview for the IT-related job last week. Damn!

While the job did not seem that it was going to be that interesting (they told me it was going to be a lot of "cutting and pasting" and tedious, yet very frantic, busy work), it still meant a huge injection of cash! Damn!

Either I messed up in the interview - I gave them a response about where I didn't do well in the past, but didn't give them a positive outcome for it (stupid I know!) - or my skills made me way overqualified for the role (I have a lot more to offer than just "cutting and pasting") and maybe they thought I would be very bored in a role like this when I usually worked in more senior roles. Or, it could have been a combination of both those reasons.

I have no idea what possessed me to talk about that one negative point without providing a positive outcome. Maybe, after realising the job would be totally boring, I did it subconsciously.

Whatever it was, it was disappointing because of the money factor. Would have solved many of my issues - could have moved away from the house of the lunatic more quickly.

In any case, there is another role which I am going to apply tomorrow, it's of a much longer duration (the one I didn't get was only for four months) and probably paid better. Here's hoping! Keeping my fingers crossed that I at least get an interview, so that I can try to get it - and I certainly wont be talking about my negative points in any interview again. I intend to talk myself up really well!

Conflict resolution in process

I got a call from the people who do conflict resolution, to try to manage the issues that there exist in this house with the people who live here.

The person I spoke to said that given the circumstances, it didn't seem that viable that it would work that well, given that neither my mother, nor my brother LayZ boy have much self-awareness, which is something necessary for them to be able to understand that they are not treating me very well - it requires them to be able to see the repercussions of their behaviour and they don't seem to have (or want) those skills.

But, I decided to go ahead anyway, so they will send a letter to LayZ boy to ask him to see them for a screening prior to doing any conflict resolution meetings. They try to determine, with an initial meeting, if conflict resolution is (a) viable or (b) not viable. If it is viable, they go ahead with it, together with two other conflict resolution people in the room with us. If it isn't viable, they suggest other services that may help.

LayZ boy and my mother need counselling badly! They both have issues with their mental health that needs to be addressed.

I am so stuck I dont know what to do

I am totally stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's a total vicious circle.

I am not working at the moment, so it means my financial status is low. This makes it difficult to find appropriate accommodation.

I have severe allergies (multiple chemical sensitivities) and it means I cant be too close to anyone who is wearing strong perfumes or strongly perfumed personal care or cleaning products, because I react adversely to them (allergies, inability to breathe properly, sinusitis).

This means it is also difficult for me to find share accommodation, which while it is much cheaper than renting on my own, I cant get.

So, I am stuck in this crazy house with the lunatics, who are totally dismissive, abusive and obnoxious to me, feeling more and more helpless.

While I am here, in this house, while the abuse continues, it is difficult for me to do anything because they are constantly upsetting me and disturbing my emotional equilibrium most days.

It's difficult to function in this type of environment because it's so unbelievable negative and unhealthy. Nobody can function properly with that type of constant and negative pressure and stress in their life.

The problem with finding a suitable apartment

The Melbournian apartments

I have one huge problem with finding a suitable apartment - I am not working at the moment!  That is a huge detractor when landlords check out my application against those people who do work.

And while I know it's going to create a huge financial burden on me to rent an expensive apartment (well, anything over $150 a fortnight is going to be expensive), the alternative is worse for me - living in a house where I am constantly berated, abused, mocked and denigrated and am subjected to the occasional violent act (pushes and shoves), as well as the threat of violence against me and my possessions. Sometimes you have to just weight up the pros and cons and bit the bullet.

I can probably get some casual work somewhere, enough to pay the rent and have a bit more to pay for groceries and other essentials, while I try to find a more suitable job for myself.

I think my brother has some mental health issues

I definitely think my mother and brother have mental illnesses.

My brother LayZ boy has admitted that he has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), although he will deny it vehemently if you question him about it another time. He's very weird in that way. He'll tell you the truth about something in a very small window of opportunity for the truth that he opens up every so often, but if you ask him about it later, he'll slam you and tell you that you are sick in the head for suggesting such a thing! As if he never said such a thing to you in the first place. I am not sure what that is about, but it sure is not normal behaviour.

LayZ boy is also very manic. He often gets all excited and starts doing all these manic things, like running up and down the hallway, banging on the walls, talking to himself (very loudly), talking to the cat (also very loudly) and very obnoxiously. During this manic phase, he starts talking fast, loudly and incoherently. In addition, there are so many times when he does all sorts of things around here, starts measuring for his "home stereo" locale and talks very loudly and rather incoherently to me about things that make no sense whatsoever, answering questions I have never even asked him and then telling me what a fool I am because I don't know of his plans. Yeah, sure, LayZ boy, you are not sick in the head!

Then LayZ boy has his down times, where he functions very slowly and acts like a sloth. He just sits in his bedroom and watches DVDs all day without eating properly or doing anything else but smoke his cigarettes and behaves like he is very depressed.

I am beginning to think LayZ boy has bipolar disorder, which is very consistent with the up and down and very inconsistent and extremely exaggerated ways he behaves.

LayZ boy also has very big problems with his anger - he has no impulse control, he gets angry very quickly and cant control it. I think that's because he has no ability to use rational and logical thinking - all of his thinking is very exaggerated and irrational, based probably on fear.

Then LayZ boy takes sleeping pills almost every night, to lull him into an artificial slumber and as these medications are very addictive and can produce depression and anger symptoms, then no wonder he behaves the way he does. Additionally, LayZ boy takes a very strong opioid medication (Oxycontin) which is akin to heroin for his "pain" and as that medication is addiction-causing and can cause depression, anger and a whole host of other negative emotions (due to the way it works on the neurotransmitters), no wonder LayZ behaves the way he does.  These medications just make worse the worst of his personality and cause his mental illness issues to get much much worse.

I used to always think my mother must have dropped him on his head really hard when he was a child and that is why he behaved the way he did. She probably did. Neither my mother nor LayZ boy will admit he has huge problems.

There is a mental problem with my mother and brother

Yesterday evening, when I stepped out of my bedroom to get a glass of water, my mother surreptitiously and furtively went in there to start looking for some drinking glasses she thinks I have secreted away in there. She is pissed off because her son does not have access to them and her prime objective in life is to ensure her son gets what he wants, at the expense of any civility with me.

She wouldn't get out of my room and started rifling through my things, to try to find these glasses. I told her I did not have them, but that does not seem to pacify her. She's obsessed about finding them and obsessively believes that I have them in my bedroom (I do not and tell her this). She stubbornly refuses to leave my room.

In order to get her to leave, because she wont, I turn up some music really loudly from my computer. She told me that would not make her leave and that she would continue to go through my possessions to find the glasses, laughs and started dancing. Insane!

If she was going to stay there and just be annoying, I would have continued with whatever I was doing online, but the fact that she was moving my things around, to look through my things, to find these mystery glasses was not sitting well with me - that was not something I was going to allow her to do.

I told her to get out of my room, that these were my possessions and she was not allowed, by law to be touching my things without my permission. I then told her I would call the police if she did not get out. She still refused.

Then the idiot LayZ boy came past to start screaming at me, telling me: "This is not your room", right, so my bedroom is now not my bedroom and my possessions are theirs huh? and "fuck off you fucking loser" as well as more nonsense like that. This was just before I turned up the music very loud, so soon after that, it drowned his voice and I no longer had to listen to his complete and utter ridiculous nonsense, which did not concern him in any case!

The only thing that worked to get my mother to move away was me taking photos of her. She finally got near my door and was tussling with me, trying to push me and stop me from closing my door. Finally I got my door closed, locked and put the heater right in front of it, so she could not come in. She continued to yell at me through the locked door and I told her to just "fuck off", which she replied with "fuck off" back to me. I knew there was no point in continuing the insanity with someone who has no rational thought so I turned up the music even louder, to totally drown out her screaming.

In the tussle between us (when she was trying to push open my door and I was trying to push it closed and get her out of there - how immature is she?), the handle hit the wall behind it and created a small hole in the wall. Of course my idiotic mother tells me "that's your fault there is a hole in your wall", not because she was pushing the door, trying to keep it open and fighting with me. Of course not, because that's too much personal responsibility for her to bear and she takes no responsibility for anything and blames everything on me! It's just awful to have to contend with this idiocy on a daily basis.

That episode of her insane obsessive behaviour with support from her equally insane son upset me a great deal, to the point of very frustrated tears.

The point to this is that it would not matter what it was, if she believes I have something of hers, even if I do not, she still pursues me and rifles through my possessions in the belief that I have hidden it somewhere, when I haven't. The same thing happened with her prescription glasses a few weeks ago - she accused me of "stealing" them from her bedroom when I did no such thing and then when she found them in a different area, she denied she accused me of anything and expressed her belief that I must have moved them anyway. Those are not the only cases of her doing this.

I don't know what's wrong with her, but something definitely is wrong with her and her son's mental facilities!

My step-father cannot control his temper at all

My step-father has high blood pressure.

He has been told to control his temper tantrums because when he gets angry, in a boiling rage, which occurs several times a week, his blood pressure rises quite high and as it is already high, it is a dangerous situation for him.

But, he has no impulse control. He cannot control himself and his actions or words. He becomes completely irrational and will not listen to any rational discussion - in fact, it inflames him even more and he just gets angrier.  I think it's because he feels his intelligence is being insulted because he knows I am more educated than him and he resents me for that. He often tells me I only know what's inside "books", that I think I know so much, but that I am "stupid".

My step-father has always been like this. He used to get really drunk when I was a kid and would get really violent, shout tirades at me, become very belligerent and just hit me wherever his hand struck me on my body. I would have to cover the bruises when I went to school.

Personally, I think he resents me because he had a hard life and had to work hard, is uneducated and rather ignorant about a lot of things, so he resents the fact that I am tertiary educated, have had more opportunities than he ever had and that I seemingly (to him) have had an easy life. He doesn't like that.

My step-father is also very misogynistic as he thinks any housework is "women's work" and thinks that I should be the house slave who performs all housework duties. He resents the fact that I cannot vacuum, because of my allergies. He really resents that. He would like it to be the same as when I was younger, when I did most of the housework and he was left to relax and drink himself into a stupor.

The superstitiousness craziness of my mother

It is so tiresome having to deal with a mother like mine.

She is totally superstitious. She believes that if she puts incense all around the house, it will get rid of the "evil spirits" that invade my body and make me behave to her liking! Sounds like she has some major delusions about things which are not real.

My very ignorant and superstitious mother thinks that we do not get along because she believes that I have been influenced by evil spirits! That is some sick stuff to believe. I think it is delusional. She wont take responsibility for her actions, for her behaviour and for her words so she wants to blame it on something that is not rational or even logical to support her point of view. My mother certainly does have have issues with her mental facilities.

So, she gets her incenses and says her prayers all around the house to get rid of the "evil spirits", thinking that her belief in God will ensure that I behave in a way she thinks is appropriate - obsequious and subservient.

After she has totally smoked out my bedroom for a few minutes with the smoke from the incense, she then closes the door, so my room becomes uninhabitable for me. She knows I have allergies, but her need to get rid of the non-existent evil spirits over-rides any health issues I have! Of course. She doesn't think about me at all, ever!

She did this the other day and I told her not to do that ever again, because it meant I could not go into my bedroom for hours. She said she would not, but I don't trust her to keep her word because she lies and thinks nothing of breaking every promise she makes. And besides, she is deluded and thinks I wont notice if she does it, but I do.

Ugh, the idiocy I have to put up with in this house of lunatics!

Expensive to live in Australian cities

It costs a lot to live in some cities in Australia.

And if you don't work, you're screwed because the amount of money the government gives you in benefits, doesn't even cover your rent, even with a rent subsidy.

Probably the three most expensive cities to live in Australia, if you're looking at rent costs or the cost the buy a house are Sydney, Canberra and Perth.

According to Mercer Human Resource Consulting, which looks at things like rent, transportation, food, clothing, household goods and entertainment, Sydney is one of the most expensive cities to live in the world - it ranks at number 17 most expensive in 2006.

In April 2010, RP Data, the main provider of property information and analysis in Australia,  listed Canberra as the most expensive city to buy a house, with Sydney extremely close behind for the first quarter (Jan-Mar) in 2010.

According to RP Data, the median house prices  in Australia at May 2010 were:

Sydney - $517,250
Canberra - $508,400
Darwin - $481,775
Melbourne - $480,000
Perth - $475,000
Brisbane - $445,000
Adelaide - $387,500
Hobart - $340,000

There is not much difference between the median (average) housing prices in Sydney and Canberra - about $9,000.

Additionally, according to Bloomburg Business Week, the most expensive city in Australia in 2010 was Canberra (previously it was ranked at number 149), which is the capitol of Australia and has a population of around 400,000.  Sydney, the largest city in Australia, with a population of over 4.4 million was ranked at number 30. This ranking was conducted by ECA International, a global human resources company.

"ECA’s ranking is based on a basket of 128 goods that includes food, daily goods, clothing, electronics, and entertainment, but not rent, utilities, and school fees, which are not typically included in a cost-of-living adjustment."

I viewed a number of apartments that were Open for Inspection

On Saturday (yesterday), I viewed a number of apartments and granny flats.

The first one I viewed was a two bedroom apartment which, while it was modern, was very small, quite dark and I didn't like. The next one I viewed was a granny flat and it was spacious, but old, dirty and smelly - it had very little light inside and was quite dilapidated. It was not for me either.

The next apartment I viewed was a 1-bedroom modern and spacious apartment and it was very nice. It was close to the city and had a lot of appeal. I'll put in an application for that one. Apparently there was quite a bit of interest for it, as apartments that close to the city are usually in high demand.

Following that, the next apartment I saw was refurbished, not too far from the city, had two bedrooms, but the lounge area was tiny and there were holes in the wall near the skirting of the kitchen floor. It wasn't too bad inside, but I those holes concern me, because it is an old apartment block and rats/cockroaches and other pests can easily get in. It was on the second floor and the stairs leading up were very dirty, the ceiling of the entryway (before getting into the flat) was covered with spiderwebs. It just did not appeal to me that much.

There was supposed to be another apartment to view on the south side of town, but I decided not to go, because I did remember on the photos that it was rather old, the bedrooms were downstairs, so it means it would be dark without enough light and probably cold too. No point in viewing it.

Since I had some time, I went to see the area where the next place was (also near the city) and when I visited the apartment block, it was right next to a park (not somewhere I want to be near if I am living by myself), it seemed rather dreary and old, so I decided not to go to the inspection.

The next place was again close to the city, but it had gas heating and cooking (which I do not want) and it was rather small and over-priced. It was modern and well furbished inside, but not for me.

The last apartment I viewed was a bit further out from the city, but has a study as well as the bedroom. The study can be closed off with folding doors and has no natural light in there. It has electric cooking and is in a building that is only three years old. It is quite a nice apartment, which I knew I would like. This place is available right now so I stand a chance of getting it and moving in within two weeks if I am approved!

I will be putting in an application for the two apartments I liked tomorrow. Lucky they are both with the same agency, so it's easier.

Felt good after having a mini makeover this week

I had a job interview last week, so I decided to do a bit of an overhaul of my look. The interview was okay. The people who interviewed me seemed really nice, easy going. I wouldn't mind getting the job.

Prior to the interview, I was worried about whether or not the people interviewing me would be wearing strong perfumes given that we would be in a small enclosed room, but thankfully they did not. And neither did I smell any strong perfumes anywhere in the area either, so that was good.

I cut and coloured my hair, plucked my eyebrows (so girly I am) and styled my hair really nicely in a way that really suited my face (I know how to make myself look good when I need to).

I haven't done anything to my hair in months, so this cut and colour really helped to give it more life and bounciness. It just looks really nice now and I no longer look like a completely invisible person like I felt before. I haven't been feeling well, so I hadn't felt the need to do anything to enhance my appearance for months.

When I was parking at the interview location, a man who was with a group of people just kept on looking at me and it took me some moments to realise that he was looking at me because I looked nice! In addition to that, when I went to a specialist store, one of the guys who runs it also couldn't stop looking at me - it was hilarious that I grabbed his attention like that, when he barely noticed me before! I haven't had any type of male attention lately, so I forgot what it was like!

I'll find out about the interview this coming week. The recruitment consultant said she would contact the client on Monday (tomorrow) to check up on how they are going to proceed - whether or not they will offer the job to me. Hopefully I will get it, because that means I will be able to then easily afford to rent my own place away from the crazy family I have and have the space and peace of mind I need to feel really good again.

The reason why I came back to the house of lunatics

Prior to living here in the house of lunatics, I was living on my own, renting an apartment in another city. I had just finished a contract and was contemplating my future.

I had decided I wasn't too excited about doing more IT work, that I wanted to work on my own projects, without the pressure of a job. I also decided to take on a project which involved creating a site to sell all the knick-knacks my mother collects. We would split the proceeds 50:50, maybe even 60:40 (in my favour), given that I was doing all the work, creating the site, photographing and uploading the items, listing the items, packaging and posting them to client, as well as maintaining the site. My mother was simply buying them at very little cost.

She persuaded me to come back to live her, so that I didn't have to keep on travelling the 3-4 hours every few weeks to collect the items.

Once I got back here, I got really sick. I had some sort of viral infection (it seemed like chronic fatigue syndrome to me) as well as having hundreds of heart palpitations every day (my heart has been checked out and nothing intrinsically wrong with it). I was exhausted and feverish most days. Needless to say, the web site didn't happen for a while.

Then my brother LayZ boy came to live here too when his wife kicked him out and the rest is documented here - about his lunacy.

Once I am out of this house, away from these crazy, volatile, angry people, I wont have to be subjected to their angry tirades and volatile outbursts, it will be much better for me, because I wont be upset every day. Whatever idiotic things they want to do or say, I wont be exposed to it and that will make my life much better! I can then get on with my life and find my better life!