Hyocrisy in action

The house I live in at present with the lunatic nutcase family has a slow combustion cast iron fireplace in the family room, to heat the house.

After the argument tonight, the mother and step-father went out to their local pub and told me to get out of the family room, otherwise they were going to spray it with LayZ boy's strong perfume, because they know it affects me adversely (I have multiple chemical sensitivities).

Now, their son is at home, but he is more concerned with behaving like a manic nutcase and banging on walls and making off-key attempts to sing (and annoy me), smoking his cigarettes and just making lots of noise, than to keep the fire going for his parents, so that it's still warm when they get home.

Needless to say, the fire has gone out, as it's been several hours since they left and the fire has not had more wood put on it. I wont. I normally do, but I wont today after their vile behaviour.

They, of course wont chastise LayZ boy for not keeping the fire going. They don't because as far as they are concerned, he doesn't need to be responsible for anything, only me. As if that is fair or normal. It's just such hypocrisy to have all these expectations of me, but none of him. And, to put the onus and responsibility on me, when they put none on him.

What are they going to do when they get old and sick and LayZ boy is still living here? Are they going to continue to do everything for him - wash his dishes, wash his clothes, warm the house for him?

I felt like shit tonight

I felt like killing myself tonight.

I really felt like just ending it. Ending the misery that is my life.

I thought about slashing my wrists and letting the lifeblood run right out. And end this horrible misery I find myself in.

I went to my room and cried my heart out after they all continued to yell at me.

I felt so awful.

This is not a family.

These are horrible, awful people, who don't understand how to treat anyone with respect or decency.

These people are so ignorant and abusive and obnoxious and continue to blame me for their actions.

They never take responsibility for anything they do or say. They make me feel like everything that is bad is my fault, even though it isn't. They even tell me that all the time, "everything is your fault".

And the mentally unwell idiot LayZ boy walks past my room, up and down, calling me a "loser" and yet it's him who has not teeth. It's him who is unemployable. It's him whose wife cheated on him and wont have anything to do with him. It's him who has no prospects in life. Not me.

People who are unable to take responsibility for their actions

During the course of the fight with my step-father, both my mother and LayZ boy brother, kept yelling at me, even when I wasn't saying anything. They didn't say anything to the step-father, other than LayZ boy telling him to stop it because I may record it and then they could go to jail, with the evidence. Lucky for all of them I did not have my mobile phone on me to record anything.

At one point LayZ boy came in again to the family room and took one look at me and called me a "loser". I told him to shut up and stop saying that, because he was the one without any teeth, so if there was a loser around here, it was him.

Then, LayZ boy said to his mother, "See how she starts trouble. See how she says things to me to upset me."

There is something wrong with his ability to be rational. He is the one who came into the room and he is the one who was obnoxious and rude to me. I gave him a dose of reality and he did not like that, which he cant handle.

And of course, when I told them that the step-father needs to control him behaviour, they all blamed me. They all told me it was my fault that the step-father was upset. That the step-father was not responsible for his actions, that I was the one who was responsible for all of their actions, not them.

The insane family shows just how deluded and insane they are, yet again. Taking no responsibility for their actions and blaming their anger and their insanity on me, as usual.

The step-father who is clinically insane

Today we had another argument - the three of them vs me.

I asked my mother where my lottery scratchy ticket (which was on the table in the family room) was, as it was no longer there.

My step-father immediately and aggressively says, "You idiot, you cant keep your junk on the coffee table. I threw it away. What are you going to do about it?"

What kind of a response was that? I wasn't even speaking to him in the first place.

I then told my mother that I had it there earlier in the week and now it was gone. I asked her again where it was, because it was either her or my step-father who moved it, as I did not.

The argument escalated with my step-father yelling at me and telling me I was a "lazy bludger" and that he would throw anything of mine that was on the coffee table.

My mental step-father then proceeded to remove some of my food (in their plates) from the refrigerator and threw them in the sink filled with other dishes and water, proceeding to break all the dishes, telling me that everything in the refrigerator was his food and he could do whatever he wanted with it.

My step-father then threw his shoes at me. He got me with one. I threw them back at him, but missed.

The step-father also tried to come over to me, tried to hit me. He kept on coming at me and talking like he was not in possession of his mental facilities. He told me that he would kill me if I didn't leave right then and there. He would go to jail, but at least I would be dead.

Both my brother LayZ boy and my mother told me that this argument was all my fault. And when I said that the step-father needs to take responsibility for his actions, they said that it was my responsibility, not his. They are just so deluded.

Just another night in the mental house with the mentally unwell people.

Very strange dreams prior to and after interview

I have been having such weird dreams lately.

About two days before my interview last week, I dreamt that I had humongous fake breasts like Pamela Anderson's and that I had a really low-cut top on which exposed a lot of my cleavage and I had my jacket undone because it wouldn't accommodate those plastic appendages.

I was also waiting for a train, at I think Redfern station, a little confused about which train I should catch and what time it was coming. I also wasn't sure if I just missed the train or not. I felt very exposed with those huge plastic breasts and couldn't understand why I would have worn something so revealing to a job interview for  a corporate role.

Phew!

The next dream that I remembered, happened about two days after the interview last week and I was dreaming that I was singing for some friends and was doing it really well. I was hitting the high notes perfectly, as well as all the low notes too.

I know that dream occurred because I am thinking about doing some singing. I can sing and I have a wide range and I have really wanted to do something with it, some day!

Another job interview last week

I had another job interview last week. Again in IT, which is my area of expertise.

The panel who were interviewing me seemed really nice and the interview went well. I answered all their questions quite well I thought and they were giving me positive reinforcement by telling me that I answered their next question while also answering the present question. So that is always a good sign.

They also said I had an "impressive resume" with great skills. That was nice feedback to receive.

It seemed to me that they thought I would be a great applicant, but may be a little over-qualified for the role and could be bored. It was not said out loud, but implied by the way they phrased a question to me.  I am not so sure I sold myself enough to dispel any concerns they had.

I don't know what is going on at the moment. I don't get too nervous prior to interviews. I talk really well when I am being interviewed and answer questions appropriately and yet I am deemed over-qualified. What to do?

They told me they would decide soon, so I guess I will hear about it some time this week, whether or not I got the job. I am not too hopeful.

Teeth are being a pain... still

My upper molar (the one which had the second part of the root canal done the other day) is still aching a bit, but less so than yesterday.

It seems that the gum just above the tooth hurts a bit when touched or pressed.

The actual treatment was not painful at all (surprisingly) - it's just afterwards that is when you get the pain.

After the anaesthetic wears off, the drilling right inside the tooth, right to the bottom of the root is what causes the pain later - the tooth is rather traumatised by all the sharp drills and having part of its enamel and dentine removed is a traumatic experience for living tissue and teeth are living tissue!

I know that a tooth that has its root removed is technically no longer alive, but it still gets some sort of blood supply and is still in contact with other teeth, nerves, tissue around it - the other nerves around the root of the tooth may also get traumatised by the vibration of the drilling, which can be causing my pain now. That's the only explanation I have for it to be still painful!

Tooth and gum around it hurts today

I know it was expected, but that still doesn't ameliorate the pain!

The tooth that had the root canal work done on it yesterday is hurting me today, as is the area in the gum above it and to the side of it.

The pain in the gum area is the worst. It's like this hot, searing pain and if anything touches it (like a bit of food), it hurts even more. In general and most of the time, there is a dull ache type of pain, which gets worse when anything puts pressure on that part of the gum - even me smiling or moving my mouth a certain way will do it. Yikes!

Damn, it's annoying.

Nothing much I can do about it, other than take some painkillers and I don't have any. I may get some tomorrow if the pain is still bad.

It was hurting a little last night and earlier today, but has seemed to get worse this evening after I ate dinner. Maybe it was the act of eating food, moving my facial/jaw muscles around (even though I was careful not to eat on the side of my mouth where the tooth is located), that has irritated the tooth and gum around it.

The same thing happened after the first part of the root canal treatment, so maybe that's all it is - the tooth is a little traumatised from all the drilling work done into its very roots and is inflamed now and it will take a few days for it to get feel normal again.

If it still hurts this much tomorrow, I may also call the dentist to ask them what I can do about it - they're probably the best people to ask, as they would know why it would be reacting this way and whether or not it was normal.

LayZ boy is in a manic mood again

My brother LayZ boy is in a manic mood, yet again and it's not even Monday, so that he can excuse it on "Manic Monday-itis"!

He is in his bedroom, banging things really loudly, jumping up and down on the wooden floors, making a lot of noise!

And every time he leaves his room, he starts talking to himself as he runs down the hallway to get to the kitchen or he bangs the doors loudly as he opens and closes them to get outside to have a cigarette.

Neither of the parents are at home so he has no-one to talk to, no-one to ramble on his incoherent ramblings with, so he talks to himself and makes as much noise as he can because he needs to make himself be heard. Yet, I still ignore him, wherever I am (usually in my bedroom), but he still continues, probably because he has no ability to control his actions.

I do think he has manic depression (bipolar disorder), with his wild mood swings, manic behaviour, which is then coupled with his low mood and inability to talk much to anyone, cloistering himself in his room and ignoring even his bosom buddy, his equally deluded mother.

Update: Actually, after a full hour of his manic behaviour (banging things loudly, jumping up and down in his room, running up and down the hallways, talking to himself), LayZ boy has finally calmed down and is no longer in his manic mood. He's such a weirdo!

New job to apply for - filling in selection criteria

While I am not that disappointed in not getting that job I applied for last week, I am more motivated now to try to find another role somewhere, just so that I can have a higher cash injection and be able to afford my own abode.

One of the recruitment agencies I am in contact with yesterday afternoon sent me another role which they think I would be a suitable candidate and it requires the completion of a number selection criteria as the role is longer term. It's no issue for me, as I know how to answer the questions as they are related to my skills.

I'll get to it this evening and then refine it, along with honing up my resume so that it highlights the skills that I have which are relevant for this role (not exaggeration, just ensuring that the work skills I have are more prominent in my resume).

Second part of root canal done

Today I had to be at the dentist for two hours, while he completed the second part of the root canal on my upper molar. I saw the other dentist in the practice, as he is more experienced in root canal procedures.

The dentist wanted to give me the anaesthetic needle without giving me a topical anaesthetic first, but I wasn't prepared for that and I asked for it and he obliged. He put the needle with the anaesthetic very slowly and steadily and I felt nothing while he was inserting it into my gum. Sometimes I have felt pain when the needle goes in, but this time was pretty good.

He had to remove the temporary filling and other material that the first dentist used and then file away the three chambers where the root of the tooth was formerly housed (which got infected and inflamed previously and had to be removed in the first appointment.

He used some interesting drills, which were whirring away slowly, aimed I guess, at removing any pulp and other diseased material in the chambers.

The root chambers of the tooth were cleaned out - when he first took out the temporary filling, it smelt of decay and wasn't pleasant, but it was not nearly as bad as when I had the first part of the root canal. Cleaning out the root chambers ensured that all decayed (and useless) material was removed and this means it should be good.

Once the root chambers were all cleaned out, dry and ready, he added a filling to the tooth.

I have to get a porcelain crown on the tooth, to strengthen it, but not yet - in a few months.

He also told me that the tooth would be a little sore for the next 4-5 days, due to the work that was done on it today, but it would settle down. I started to feel a slight bit of discomfort, very slightly just at the end of the treatment, when he was affixing the filling and the drill bit touched the side of my tooth for a fraction of a second, but it wasn't painful by any means, it just felt like brief uncomfortable pressure.

I am so glad to have finally found a dental practice which takes my pain sensations seriously and anaesthetises my nerves so that I don't feel pain.  And, their assistants are really lovely and unjudgemental. It's nice to finally find a dentist practice like that!

I didn't even get really scared or freaked out about the dental appointment today, whereas normally, for a few days prior to a dental appointment, I start stressing quite a lot. So that, says a lot about these two dentists - they really are patient and caring and listen to their patients!

I have finally found a dentist I can trust and who I can go to on a regular basis for maintaining the health of my teeth.

Didnt get the job - damn

I just found out today that I was "unsuccessful" after my interview for the IT-related job last week. Damn!

While the job did not seem that it was going to be that interesting (they told me it was going to be a lot of "cutting and pasting" and tedious, yet very frantic, busy work), it still meant a huge injection of cash! Damn!

Either I messed up in the interview - I gave them a response about where I didn't do well in the past, but didn't give them a positive outcome for it (stupid I know!) - or my skills made me way overqualified for the role (I have a lot more to offer than just "cutting and pasting") and maybe they thought I would be very bored in a role like this when I usually worked in more senior roles. Or, it could have been a combination of both those reasons.

I have no idea what possessed me to talk about that one negative point without providing a positive outcome. Maybe, after realising the job would be totally boring, I did it subconsciously.

Whatever it was, it was disappointing because of the money factor. Would have solved many of my issues - could have moved away from the house of the lunatic more quickly.

In any case, there is another role which I am going to apply tomorrow, it's of a much longer duration (the one I didn't get was only for four months) and probably paid better. Here's hoping! Keeping my fingers crossed that I at least get an interview, so that I can try to get it - and I certainly wont be talking about my negative points in any interview again. I intend to talk myself up really well!

Conflict resolution in process

I got a call from the people who do conflict resolution, to try to manage the issues that there exist in this house with the people who live here.

The person I spoke to said that given the circumstances, it didn't seem that viable that it would work that well, given that neither my mother, nor my brother LayZ boy have much self-awareness, which is something necessary for them to be able to understand that they are not treating me very well - it requires them to be able to see the repercussions of their behaviour and they don't seem to have (or want) those skills.

But, I decided to go ahead anyway, so they will send a letter to LayZ boy to ask him to see them for a screening prior to doing any conflict resolution meetings. They try to determine, with an initial meeting, if conflict resolution is (a) viable or (b) not viable. If it is viable, they go ahead with it, together with two other conflict resolution people in the room with us. If it isn't viable, they suggest other services that may help.

LayZ boy and my mother need counselling badly! They both have issues with their mental health that needs to be addressed.

I am so stuck I dont know what to do

I am totally stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's a total vicious circle.

I am not working at the moment, so it means my financial status is low. This makes it difficult to find appropriate accommodation.

I have severe allergies (multiple chemical sensitivities) and it means I cant be too close to anyone who is wearing strong perfumes or strongly perfumed personal care or cleaning products, because I react adversely to them (allergies, inability to breathe properly, sinusitis).

This means it is also difficult for me to find share accommodation, which while it is much cheaper than renting on my own, I cant get.

So, I am stuck in this crazy house with the lunatics, who are totally dismissive, abusive and obnoxious to me, feeling more and more helpless.

While I am here, in this house, while the abuse continues, it is difficult for me to do anything because they are constantly upsetting me and disturbing my emotional equilibrium most days.

It's difficult to function in this type of environment because it's so unbelievable negative and unhealthy. Nobody can function properly with that type of constant and negative pressure and stress in their life.

The problem with finding a suitable apartment

The Melbournian apartments

I have one huge problem with finding a suitable apartment - I am not working at the moment!  That is a huge detractor when landlords check out my application against those people who do work.

And while I know it's going to create a huge financial burden on me to rent an expensive apartment (well, anything over $150 a fortnight is going to be expensive), the alternative is worse for me - living in a house where I am constantly berated, abused, mocked and denigrated and am subjected to the occasional violent act (pushes and shoves), as well as the threat of violence against me and my possessions. Sometimes you have to just weight up the pros and cons and bit the bullet.

I can probably get some casual work somewhere, enough to pay the rent and have a bit more to pay for groceries and other essentials, while I try to find a more suitable job for myself.

I think my brother has some mental health issues

I definitely think my mother and brother have mental illnesses.

My brother LayZ boy has admitted that he has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), although he will deny it vehemently if you question him about it another time. He's very weird in that way. He'll tell you the truth about something in a very small window of opportunity for the truth that he opens up every so often, but if you ask him about it later, he'll slam you and tell you that you are sick in the head for suggesting such a thing! As if he never said such a thing to you in the first place. I am not sure what that is about, but it sure is not normal behaviour.

LayZ boy is also very manic. He often gets all excited and starts doing all these manic things, like running up and down the hallway, banging on the walls, talking to himself (very loudly), talking to the cat (also very loudly) and very obnoxiously. During this manic phase, he starts talking fast, loudly and incoherently. In addition, there are so many times when he does all sorts of things around here, starts measuring for his "home stereo" locale and talks very loudly and rather incoherently to me about things that make no sense whatsoever, answering questions I have never even asked him and then telling me what a fool I am because I don't know of his plans. Yeah, sure, LayZ boy, you are not sick in the head!

Then LayZ boy has his down times, where he functions very slowly and acts like a sloth. He just sits in his bedroom and watches DVDs all day without eating properly or doing anything else but smoke his cigarettes and behaves like he is very depressed.

I am beginning to think LayZ boy has bipolar disorder, which is very consistent with the up and down and very inconsistent and extremely exaggerated ways he behaves.

LayZ boy also has very big problems with his anger - he has no impulse control, he gets angry very quickly and cant control it. I think that's because he has no ability to use rational and logical thinking - all of his thinking is very exaggerated and irrational, based probably on fear.

Then LayZ boy takes sleeping pills almost every night, to lull him into an artificial slumber and as these medications are very addictive and can produce depression and anger symptoms, then no wonder he behaves the way he does. Additionally, LayZ boy takes a very strong opioid medication (Oxycontin) which is akin to heroin for his "pain" and as that medication is addiction-causing and can cause depression, anger and a whole host of other negative emotions (due to the way it works on the neurotransmitters), no wonder LayZ behaves the way he does.  These medications just make worse the worst of his personality and cause his mental illness issues to get much much worse.

I used to always think my mother must have dropped him on his head really hard when he was a child and that is why he behaved the way he did. She probably did. Neither my mother nor LayZ boy will admit he has huge problems.

There is a mental problem with my mother and brother

Yesterday evening, when I stepped out of my bedroom to get a glass of water, my mother surreptitiously and furtively went in there to start looking for some drinking glasses she thinks I have secreted away in there. She is pissed off because her son does not have access to them and her prime objective in life is to ensure her son gets what he wants, at the expense of any civility with me.

She wouldn't get out of my room and started rifling through my things, to try to find these glasses. I told her I did not have them, but that does not seem to pacify her. She's obsessed about finding them and obsessively believes that I have them in my bedroom (I do not and tell her this). She stubbornly refuses to leave my room.

In order to get her to leave, because she wont, I turn up some music really loudly from my computer. She told me that would not make her leave and that she would continue to go through my possessions to find the glasses, laughs and started dancing. Insane!

If she was going to stay there and just be annoying, I would have continued with whatever I was doing online, but the fact that she was moving my things around, to look through my things, to find these mystery glasses was not sitting well with me - that was not something I was going to allow her to do.

I told her to get out of my room, that these were my possessions and she was not allowed, by law to be touching my things without my permission. I then told her I would call the police if she did not get out. She still refused.

Then the idiot LayZ boy came past to start screaming at me, telling me: "This is not your room", right, so my bedroom is now not my bedroom and my possessions are theirs huh? and "fuck off you fucking loser" as well as more nonsense like that. This was just before I turned up the music very loud, so soon after that, it drowned his voice and I no longer had to listen to his complete and utter ridiculous nonsense, which did not concern him in any case!

The only thing that worked to get my mother to move away was me taking photos of her. She finally got near my door and was tussling with me, trying to push me and stop me from closing my door. Finally I got my door closed, locked and put the heater right in front of it, so she could not come in. She continued to yell at me through the locked door and I told her to just "fuck off", which she replied with "fuck off" back to me. I knew there was no point in continuing the insanity with someone who has no rational thought so I turned up the music even louder, to totally drown out her screaming.

In the tussle between us (when she was trying to push open my door and I was trying to push it closed and get her out of there - how immature is she?), the handle hit the wall behind it and created a small hole in the wall. Of course my idiotic mother tells me "that's your fault there is a hole in your wall", not because she was pushing the door, trying to keep it open and fighting with me. Of course not, because that's too much personal responsibility for her to bear and she takes no responsibility for anything and blames everything on me! It's just awful to have to contend with this idiocy on a daily basis.

That episode of her insane obsessive behaviour with support from her equally insane son upset me a great deal, to the point of very frustrated tears.

The point to this is that it would not matter what it was, if she believes I have something of hers, even if I do not, she still pursues me and rifles through my possessions in the belief that I have hidden it somewhere, when I haven't. The same thing happened with her prescription glasses a few weeks ago - she accused me of "stealing" them from her bedroom when I did no such thing and then when she found them in a different area, she denied she accused me of anything and expressed her belief that I must have moved them anyway. Those are not the only cases of her doing this.

I don't know what's wrong with her, but something definitely is wrong with her and her son's mental facilities!

My step-father cannot control his temper at all

My step-father has high blood pressure.

He has been told to control his temper tantrums because when he gets angry, in a boiling rage, which occurs several times a week, his blood pressure rises quite high and as it is already high, it is a dangerous situation for him.

But, he has no impulse control. He cannot control himself and his actions or words. He becomes completely irrational and will not listen to any rational discussion - in fact, it inflames him even more and he just gets angrier.  I think it's because he feels his intelligence is being insulted because he knows I am more educated than him and he resents me for that. He often tells me I only know what's inside "books", that I think I know so much, but that I am "stupid".

My step-father has always been like this. He used to get really drunk when I was a kid and would get really violent, shout tirades at me, become very belligerent and just hit me wherever his hand struck me on my body. I would have to cover the bruises when I went to school.

Personally, I think he resents me because he had a hard life and had to work hard, is uneducated and rather ignorant about a lot of things, so he resents the fact that I am tertiary educated, have had more opportunities than he ever had and that I seemingly (to him) have had an easy life. He doesn't like that.

My step-father is also very misogynistic as he thinks any housework is "women's work" and thinks that I should be the house slave who performs all housework duties. He resents the fact that I cannot vacuum, because of my allergies. He really resents that. He would like it to be the same as when I was younger, when I did most of the housework and he was left to relax and drink himself into a stupor.

The superstitiousness craziness of my mother

It is so tiresome having to deal with a mother like mine.

She is totally superstitious. She believes that if she puts incense all around the house, it will get rid of the "evil spirits" that invade my body and make me behave to her liking! Sounds like she has some major delusions about things which are not real.

My very ignorant and superstitious mother thinks that we do not get along because she believes that I have been influenced by evil spirits! That is some sick stuff to believe. I think it is delusional. She wont take responsibility for her actions, for her behaviour and for her words so she wants to blame it on something that is not rational or even logical to support her point of view. My mother certainly does have have issues with her mental facilities.

So, she gets her incenses and says her prayers all around the house to get rid of the "evil spirits", thinking that her belief in God will ensure that I behave in a way she thinks is appropriate - obsequious and subservient.

After she has totally smoked out my bedroom for a few minutes with the smoke from the incense, she then closes the door, so my room becomes uninhabitable for me. She knows I have allergies, but her need to get rid of the non-existent evil spirits over-rides any health issues I have! Of course. She doesn't think about me at all, ever!

She did this the other day and I told her not to do that ever again, because it meant I could not go into my bedroom for hours. She said she would not, but I don't trust her to keep her word because she lies and thinks nothing of breaking every promise she makes. And besides, she is deluded and thinks I wont notice if she does it, but I do.

Ugh, the idiocy I have to put up with in this house of lunatics!

Expensive to live in Australian cities

It costs a lot to live in some cities in Australia.

And if you don't work, you're screwed because the amount of money the government gives you in benefits, doesn't even cover your rent, even with a rent subsidy.

Probably the three most expensive cities to live in Australia, if you're looking at rent costs or the cost the buy a house are Sydney, Canberra and Perth.

According to Mercer Human Resource Consulting, which looks at things like rent, transportation, food, clothing, household goods and entertainment, Sydney is one of the most expensive cities to live in the world - it ranks at number 17 most expensive in 2006.

In April 2010, RP Data, the main provider of property information and analysis in Australia,  listed Canberra as the most expensive city to buy a house, with Sydney extremely close behind for the first quarter (Jan-Mar) in 2010.

According to RP Data, the median house prices  in Australia at May 2010 were:

Sydney - $517,250
Canberra - $508,400
Darwin - $481,775
Melbourne - $480,000
Perth - $475,000
Brisbane - $445,000
Adelaide - $387,500
Hobart - $340,000

There is not much difference between the median (average) housing prices in Sydney and Canberra - about $9,000.

Additionally, according to Bloomburg Business Week, the most expensive city in Australia in 2010 was Canberra (previously it was ranked at number 149), which is the capitol of Australia and has a population of around 400,000.  Sydney, the largest city in Australia, with a population of over 4.4 million was ranked at number 30. This ranking was conducted by ECA International, a global human resources company.

"ECA’s ranking is based on a basket of 128 goods that includes food, daily goods, clothing, electronics, and entertainment, but not rent, utilities, and school fees, which are not typically included in a cost-of-living adjustment."

I viewed a number of apartments that were Open for Inspection

On Saturday (yesterday), I viewed a number of apartments and granny flats.

The first one I viewed was a two bedroom apartment which, while it was modern, was very small, quite dark and I didn't like. The next one I viewed was a granny flat and it was spacious, but old, dirty and smelly - it had very little light inside and was quite dilapidated. It was not for me either.

The next apartment I viewed was a 1-bedroom modern and spacious apartment and it was very nice. It was close to the city and had a lot of appeal. I'll put in an application for that one. Apparently there was quite a bit of interest for it, as apartments that close to the city are usually in high demand.

Following that, the next apartment I saw was refurbished, not too far from the city, had two bedrooms, but the lounge area was tiny and there were holes in the wall near the skirting of the kitchen floor. It wasn't too bad inside, but I those holes concern me, because it is an old apartment block and rats/cockroaches and other pests can easily get in. It was on the second floor and the stairs leading up were very dirty, the ceiling of the entryway (before getting into the flat) was covered with spiderwebs. It just did not appeal to me that much.

There was supposed to be another apartment to view on the south side of town, but I decided not to go, because I did remember on the photos that it was rather old, the bedrooms were downstairs, so it means it would be dark without enough light and probably cold too. No point in viewing it.

Since I had some time, I went to see the area where the next place was (also near the city) and when I visited the apartment block, it was right next to a park (not somewhere I want to be near if I am living by myself), it seemed rather dreary and old, so I decided not to go to the inspection.

The next place was again close to the city, but it had gas heating and cooking (which I do not want) and it was rather small and over-priced. It was modern and well furbished inside, but not for me.

The last apartment I viewed was a bit further out from the city, but has a study as well as the bedroom. The study can be closed off with folding doors and has no natural light in there. It has electric cooking and is in a building that is only three years old. It is quite a nice apartment, which I knew I would like. This place is available right now so I stand a chance of getting it and moving in within two weeks if I am approved!

I will be putting in an application for the two apartments I liked tomorrow. Lucky they are both with the same agency, so it's easier.

Felt good after having a mini makeover this week

I had a job interview last week, so I decided to do a bit of an overhaul of my look. The interview was okay. The people who interviewed me seemed really nice, easy going. I wouldn't mind getting the job.

Prior to the interview, I was worried about whether or not the people interviewing me would be wearing strong perfumes given that we would be in a small enclosed room, but thankfully they did not. And neither did I smell any strong perfumes anywhere in the area either, so that was good.

I cut and coloured my hair, plucked my eyebrows (so girly I am) and styled my hair really nicely in a way that really suited my face (I know how to make myself look good when I need to).

I haven't done anything to my hair in months, so this cut and colour really helped to give it more life and bounciness. It just looks really nice now and I no longer look like a completely invisible person like I felt before. I haven't been feeling well, so I hadn't felt the need to do anything to enhance my appearance for months.

When I was parking at the interview location, a man who was with a group of people just kept on looking at me and it took me some moments to realise that he was looking at me because I looked nice! In addition to that, when I went to a specialist store, one of the guys who runs it also couldn't stop looking at me - it was hilarious that I grabbed his attention like that, when he barely noticed me before! I haven't had any type of male attention lately, so I forgot what it was like!

I'll find out about the interview this coming week. The recruitment consultant said she would contact the client on Monday (tomorrow) to check up on how they are going to proceed - whether or not they will offer the job to me. Hopefully I will get it, because that means I will be able to then easily afford to rent my own place away from the crazy family I have and have the space and peace of mind I need to feel really good again.

The reason why I came back to the house of lunatics

Prior to living here in the house of lunatics, I was living on my own, renting an apartment in another city. I had just finished a contract and was contemplating my future.

I had decided I wasn't too excited about doing more IT work, that I wanted to work on my own projects, without the pressure of a job. I also decided to take on a project which involved creating a site to sell all the knick-knacks my mother collects. We would split the proceeds 50:50, maybe even 60:40 (in my favour), given that I was doing all the work, creating the site, photographing and uploading the items, listing the items, packaging and posting them to client, as well as maintaining the site. My mother was simply buying them at very little cost.

She persuaded me to come back to live her, so that I didn't have to keep on travelling the 3-4 hours every few weeks to collect the items.

Once I got back here, I got really sick. I had some sort of viral infection (it seemed like chronic fatigue syndrome to me) as well as having hundreds of heart palpitations every day (my heart has been checked out and nothing intrinsically wrong with it). I was exhausted and feverish most days. Needless to say, the web site didn't happen for a while.

Then my brother LayZ boy came to live here too when his wife kicked him out and the rest is documented here - about his lunacy.

Once I am out of this house, away from these crazy, volatile, angry people, I wont have to be subjected to their angry tirades and volatile outbursts, it will be much better for me, because I wont be upset every day. Whatever idiotic things they want to do or say, I wont be exposed to it and that will make my life much better! I can then get on with my life and find my better life!

There are a few apartments to view

Corvallis apartment development, Oregon USA

I have a few apartments to view tomorrow.

There is such a housing shortage around here and that creates a huge crisis in rents, making them so expensive.

I need to find something I can comfortably live in for at least six months, maybe 12 month. Something that is not too much of a hovel and not too horrible and old. I am too affected by my surroundings and need something that is at least decent.

But, what today has reminded me, is that I need to get the hell out of here. It is simply too damaging to my health - mental and physical - to be around people who continue to hurt me every day like these people who officially hold the title of my family do. While they may be my family in name, they are not in action or deed.

LayZ boy gets a free pass to behave how he wants

My mother constantly makes excuses for her son LayZ boy.

No matter what LayZ boy does, she wont chastise him at all. Ever.

LayZ boy walked through the family room to the balcony to have his cigarette and then walked straight back through, leaving a horrible smell of cigarette smoke in his wake. I was there, as was our mother and step-father.

The mother proceeds to have a quiet word with LayZ boy about him, to tell him yet again, in a totally civil manner, that he cannot go through the family room to have his cigarettes smoking session on the balcony. Of course, she will be nice to him about it, because that is how she talks to him, all the time.

Yet, on the other hand, if I leave a door open, she start raging up the hallway, yelling at me and slams the door shut and rages down the hallway, continuing with her yelling.

She behaves like I have done the most heinous thing in the world, that leaving a door open is just unbelievably bad. Yet, when her son leaves a smell of cigarettes in the family room (which, while it does not make her ill, she does not like the smell) that is nothing. She wont ever rage at him for anything. Ever.

And earlier, when he left all the doors open, she said nothing. She just closed the door. And that was only because I was in the same room as her and LayZ boy had just gone through that door, so obviously it was him who left the door open.

Hypocrisy? Yes, totally.

It's always like that with her. She gives LayZ boy a free pass to say and do what he pleases and doesn't realise that that will only make him behave worse.

And the galling thing is that she wont ever admit the hypocrisy of her actions. She constantly makes excuses for her son and rages on at me.

Lovely family that I have huh?

The volatility of my step-father rears its ugly head again

Just when I was having a reasonably quiet few days, without any outbursts of anger from the mental family, of course I should have known that it wouldn't last with these people.

I was just in my bedroom and I stepped out to go to the family room to get some water and my step-father was there, on my lounge suite, sitting on there with his perfumed jumper. I said to him, "you know you're supposed to take that jumper off and not sit on the lounge with it, you know how allergic I am."

My step-father takes that as an opportunity to start yelling at me, telling me he doesn't have to take anything off, it's his house, he can do what he wants to do. Then he proceeded to get up and started menacing me, like he wanted to hit me, all the while yelling at me, calling me a "bludger" "lazy", "always sick" and to "piss off".  Just the usual behaviour I get from him.

Then my step-father turns the TV off at the power point and takes the remote controls with him, telling me: "You're not going to watch the TV. So there." And then he wanted to try to put out the fire (in the fireplace), because I was standing there. He also said he was going to turn off the electricity so I couldn't watch anything or have access to the computer.

He is so irrational, that he doesn't realise when he's in his volatile rage that this will all affect him, because when I point it out, he tells me it wont. Yeah, sure it wont. If he turns off all the electricity and how is he going to see?

Then LayZ boy comes in to give his irrational commentary. He yelled at our mother: "If I was smoking marijuana in my room you'd kick me out, so you should kick her out too."  And then the denture-wearing illiterate ignoramus proceeded to tell me I am a "loser". Right. That is (a) such an irrational argument and (b) has absolutely no relevance whatsoever. What a completely ignorant fool he is.

After which, my mother tells me that "it's your fault your step-father got upset".

It's just irrational, illogical and unreasonable, as well as volatile and abusive the behaviour that that these people display, just about all the time.

This is my family. Great bunch they are huh? Not at all, unfortunately!