The lunatic LayZ boy talks to himself all the time

LayZ boy has big mental issues. Really big mental issues.

He quite often sits in his room and talks to himself. It's not like he thinks he is talking to someone else (or maybe he is), it's more like he's talking to himself out loud because he has no-one else to talk to.

LayZ boy talks about nonsensical things.

LayZ boy talks so much nonsense, that even his mother tells him to shut up and stop getting on her nerves.

He continues to refer to the cat as "she" and "her", even though he knows the cat is male. He often calls the cat a "bitch" and tells the cat to "fuck off", especially if the cat doesn't want to stay with him after he has fed the cat. He also tells the cat he hates her (and yet he knows the cat is male).

I think he's using the cat as a substitute for his soon-to-be ex-wife and saying things to the cat, which he would want to say to his soon-to-be ex-wife (he cant handle it that the cat wants to go outside and play after he feeds it, he thinks the cat should stay with him and be grateful for his attention and he constantly calls the cat a bitch when he knows the cat is male). Not that LayZ boy would ever admit he has a problem, but I guess that is why I know definitely he has, when he wont recognise it.

It will be a happy day for me when I move from here and into my own place and never have to see LayZ boy's ugliness (both outer and inner) again.

LayZ boy the vindictive lunatic

LayZ boy has not had a reaction from me for weeks now. And he cant handle it. He continues stomping through the house most days because he wants attention and wants to upset me in some way. Idiotic lunatic!

If he hears that I am outside, he immediately comes outside to have a cigarette, but I hear him most of the time and am already in the sun room before he can light up a cigarette and blow it in my face, the asshole.

Today, unfortunately, I was too slow.

I went outside just before and I called out to the cat.

Very soon after that, while I was playing with the cat, LayZ boy came outside and as soon as I started to walk back inside, he had lit up his cigarette and blow the cigarette smoke on my face.

His mother was there too, but she just stood silently, watering the garden, pretending it wasn't happening. Great way to encourage her lunatic son to keep on behaving this way, just ignore it and therefore he thinks he cant continue to do it, because his mother wont say a word. Even his step-father, the aggressive one that he is, would tell off LayZ boy for doing that. Besides which, LayZ boy wouldn't do it in front of his step-father, for the very reason he would be told off.

I simply cannot believe I am related to idiots such as these two. I simply cannot fathom the depths of their mental illness. They are just very sick people. Very sick.

Hard to find a place to move into

I haven't yet found a place to move into because I want to make sure I am working in this job a bit longer, so that I have enough money to pay my rent when I do move.

Plus, renting is so very expensive here and it's hard to find a reasonably priced apartment somewhere close to public transport. When I move I will have to catch public transport, so I want a place that is not so far from public transport and doesn't take too long to get me to work.

I have been working crazy hours - most weekend and don't leave work till after 6.30pm, so I haven't had enough time to actually even look for a suitable apartment in the first place, so while I have more money now, I have much less time to spend looking for a suitable rental apartment. I am so time poor at the moment.

I usually look for the open for inspections (for Saturday) on Friday nights after I have relaxed a little in front of the television, but by that time I am absolutely exhausted after a tiring week working so hard that I cant concentrate properly and usually wake up late anyway, as I don't get enough sleep during the week, so catch up on Saturdays.

With this continued nutcase behaviour of the lunatic LayZ boy, it makes me more motivated to find somewhere to move.

LayZ boy is a stalker lunatic

I swear that LayZ boy has severe and major mental problems.

He sits in his room, curtains drawn, so that it is dark inside, television on, usually watching videos all day, sweating, smelly and vile.

Then, he goes out for a cigarette every hour or so and he walks past my room, to see what I am doing. He walks up and down stalking me, to the point where I am about to draw my curtains when I hear him go outside.

He is one sick lunatic!

What the hell is wrong with him and why is he looking into my room? What does he want to try to steal?

He is so jealous, so vindictive and such an idiot. He hates it that I have more than him and he wants what I have.

His idiot mother used to make me give my stuff to him when we were little kids, so now he thinks he has a right to my things. Assholes the lot of them.

And the thing is, if I tell him mother what he is doing, because he is such a good liar and manipulator, he'll tell her he didn't do that, that I am lying to make him look bad and she will believe him. And if she did believe me, she'd tell me that there is nothing wrong with him walking past my room, outside, up and down, like a stalker. Sick, sick, sick people!

I just want to shake the stupidity and lunacy out of them both!

Idiot!

LayZ boy is incredibly jealous of me

I have a good singing voice.

I have always wanted to be a singer but I get a bit shy and embarrassed when I try to sing in front of other people, so I have never pursued a singing career. I get a bit embarrassed that I start singing off-pitch when I am around other people. I am getting better, but it is hard for me to sing in front of others. I don't have the confidence.

Anyway, I have always felt confident singing in front of my family, because I always have sung in front of them. Maybe I should have tried to imagine I was at home, singing in the bathroom when I have sung in front of other people. I have sung karaoke and I get so nervous that my hand shakes. I do okay most of the time, because I talk myself into it, but I am so nervous.

And the interesting thing about my singing, is that I have a really good opera singing voice. Apparently I am a mezzo soprano, which means I can sing high and lower notes too. I find opera singing so easy-breezy, like it's nothing for me. I do enjoy it.

LayZ boy is very jealous of my ability to sing well and on key and in pitch.

Lately, he's trying so hard to sing. He's not actually singing, but talking in a slightly rhythmic way (that's how he seems to think singing happens).

LayZ boy has this intense need to compete with me. He always has. He fails miserably in any case, as he cannot sing and I can.

It's quite funny to hear because no matter how hard he tries, he doesn't have a singing voice.

This is very much like when we were kids. Anything I do, he wants to do too because he wants to be like me because he's so insecure about himself and thinks that I am smarter and better than him.

Lunatic!

The chaos that is this family - moodiness prevails

No wonder the counsellor keeps saying that I live in a chaotic environment (and have since I was a child), because I do. This is not a calm environment I live in and have never lived in. It is a very chaotic environment and one which is not good for me.

To have to contend with people who behave this way is not healthy.

The three of them are totally unpredictable - I never know what kind of mood they will be in from one day to the next, nor how they will respond to anything I do or say. It's very unstable and makes me feel very unsure about my life.

No wonder I have always felt that I haven't had sure footing in life, that I haven't felt like I belonged anywhere and that I haven't felt like I could count on anyone. How could I when I have been exposed to nonsense like this all my life and haven't known anything else.

I have finally realised why I have always attracted and been attracted to similar people to my family - those who use and disrespect me - because these are the only people who feel familiar to me and are what I am used to and know well.

I am starting to recognise the insanity for what it is now and that is making it worse with my parents because I am speaking up for myself and they don't like that and want to shut me down. That is sad that I have to tolerate that nonsense.

At least with the counselling and reading, I have been working on my self-worth and self-love, to make myself a stronger person who doesn't have to take crap from anyone.

You know the other day, I started to feel really sad. I felt really sad because I was grieving the childhood I never had and the good family I never had and I told myself that it was okay to feel this way, that it was normal to feel sad about that which I never had growing up, but which I should have had and was entitled to have. That made me feel better to know that.

My family is mentally unwell - part 2: the brother

LayZ boy, the brother has a range of mental health issues.

LayZ boy is very vindictive and into punishing others for their alleged transgressions against him. He will bide his time, waiting for an opportunity to do something to hurt you, if he thinks he has the power to do so. And to me, he thinks he does, because his mother gives him permission to do so, by always encouraging him and always protecting him. Great.

LayZ boy has psychopathic tendencies.

I watched a documentary about a man who was being tested for being a psychopath and it was just like watching my brother in action. The guy on the doco kept on telling the people studying him that he was very much a narcissist (exactly what LayZ boy has said about himself on many an occasion), he was very paranoid (just like LayZ boy - if I repeat to LayZ boy what he has told me before about himself, LayZ boy accuses me of spying on him) and he was abusive and obnoxious, more so when he thought the cameras were not on and behaved more "normally"when the cameras were on (exactly like LayZ boy, who says and does the most obnoxious and aggressive things when I am not holding a camera but who then behaves like a model citizen when the cameras are on, or when other people are around).

The guy in the doco was also very manipulative and lied a lot (that is also like LayZ boy) and he had no qualms about hurting people (just like LayZ boy) and had very little feelings for anyone else (just like LayZ boy) and didn't think twice about using others (just like LayZ boy).

The other thing that has been happening lately, is that LayZ boy has become even more manic than usual, so I wonder if he also has bipolar disorder too, just like his mother. LayZ boy seems to go on these manic highs and depressive lows, alternating between them. I don't think he really knows what he's doing to some extent.

LayZ boy is very mentally unwell. A normal person would not behave this way.

So no wonder his mother cant see that LayZ boy is so mentally unwell - that is because she is too and is in such denial about her mental health issues, that if she acknowledges her son's mental illness, she has to acknowledge her own and she wont do that.

At least now I have some understanding why.

My family is mentally unwell - part 1: the mother

Now that I have been working and am away from my family most of the day and with the counselling I have been getting and the reading I have been doing, I can see them with more objective eyes.

It's even more apparent that my mother and brother are mentally unwell.

While I am not a psychiatrist or even psychologist, I am quite smart and have been around them for a long time, so know my family and their behaviours really well, so I am in a good position to pinpoint their symptoms and try to work out what is wrong with them. Of course they would never concede to any diagnosis, but at least I will know.

The mother has OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) to a mild extent. She tends to check and re-check everything, even coming back home when she thinks she has left the door open. My mother also has bipolar disorder. She is so moody and can snap at you about anything.

The mother yells a lot, is very angry and upset one moment and the next, she's all happy and relaxed. Something can upset her one day and the next it doesn't. If she wants something from me, she's very manipulative. If I don't give her what she wants, she yells at me and tells me she wont give me xyz next time I ask.

The other day the cat came in with another cats' claw in his upper paw and I asked the mother to get it out while I held the cat (actually it was her suggestion). She couldn't get it out and the cat became very agitated and upset. Finally I calmed the cat and the mother told me to hold it down so she could try again (she was trying to pull out the other cat's talon with tweezers, but all she seemed to be pulling, was the cat's skin and upsetting him). I told her no, that we should just leave the cat for now, as her technique wasn't working and was only upsetting the cat. The mother didn't like that, told me that I just wanted everything my way and that I was so stubborn.

I took the cat to the family room, where he hid under the couch, because he was obviously upset and didn't want any put rough handling.

I had some cold chicken in the fridge, so I cut off a tiny bit and took it to him, putting my hand (with the chicken on it) under the couch to let him smell it and eat it. To try to cajole him out. He did eat it without swiping me. I went back to the kitchen to get some more meat, to try to use it to cajole the cat out from under the couch. The mother started yelling at me, telling me to stop putting meat under the couch (I wasn't doing that, the meat was on my hand and from there it went into the cat's mouth) and that what I was doing wouldn't work, that the cat wouldn't come out from the couch, that I was stupid and stubborn for doing it. So unnecessary and so wrong. The next thing I see, is the cat right next to me, waiting for the chicken I was going to feed him. He is a smart cat. The mother on the other hand, is such a bitch. She wants to force the cat to do what she wants and calls me stubborn for telling her to stop that and to let the cat come out of his own accord (or cajole him with food).

I just shake my head when I think about her and her comments. She always puts me down and says derogatory things about me, for no reason other than to make me feel bad. She just cannot stop putting me down. According to her, everything I do is totally wrong, I cant do anything right. Yet, that is not true. She just tries to make me feel that way with the mean and nasty things she says to me, so needlessly.

The mother tends to hide her nasty behaviours or be on her best behaviour when she is around other people she doesn't know well, or when she is around people she thinks she needs to impress. But, when she behaves as obnoxiously to people as she does to me (these are people she thinks she doesn't need to impress and doesn't care about), they do not like her one bit and tell me how sorry they feel for me that I have a mother like that. Yeah, don't I know it!

Step-father is currently overseas

The step-father left on a plane the other day, to go overseas and see his brothers and sisters.

One good thing from that is I have one less person putting me down here.

But, unfortunately, it also means that LayZ boy has become even more obnoxious since the step-father left.

LayZ boy has started putting on music very loudly late at night or turns the sound on his television very loudly too, knowing full well that I am trying to sleep because I need to get up early for work. And, because his mother isn't home (she's out at the pub with her friends), he knows he can get away with it, because if I say anything to her, he'll just deny it and do it worse the next day.

If I say anything to him, it's only going to escalate the situation, upset me and wont make him stop, so I have been studiously ignoring him and because LayZ boy is such a child, he eventually turns down the music, while still quite loud, not as loud as before and I eventually fall asleep. If LayZ boy's step-father was home, he wouldn't be able to do this because his step-father goes to sleep even before I do and his step-father would yell at LayZ boy for having loud noises on.

The other thing that LayZ boy has been doing, is to stomp on the floor while he walks up and down the corridor, past my bedroom, just so I can hear him.

LayZ boy also turns on his alarm, to wake himself up early on a Saturday morning, just so he can start yelling really loudly, in order to wake me up from my sleep.

Additionally, the other night, around midnight, LayZ boy was talking very loudly on his phone to one of his friends and his mother said not a word to him about the noise he was making. If it was me on the other hand, she would be yelling profusely at me for making any noise above a whisper.

I just ignore the lunatic LayZ boy, because I know that he's doing it to get a reaction from me and I will not give him that satisfaction. As far as I am concerned, LayZ boy does not exist and has nothing to do with me or my life.

Yes unfair and hypocritical, but I don't expect anything else from the lunatics.

Havent posted anything in a while

I haven't posted anything in over two months and that's because I have been busy working.

The job has been a good thing for my mental health, as it has meant that I spend most of my day away from the lunatic nutcases that live here and instead spend the day with relatively normal people who are not mentally unstable like my family.

The other really good thing about this job is that is has given me back my self-confidence and my sense of self-worth again and that is also a very good thing.

The other good thing about this job is that I don't have to listen to lunatic nutcases say derogatory and mean things to me every day. I actually get praise for my work, because it is good.

The job I have taken has been very intense, very pressured, with very tight deadlines.

One thing I can say, is that I am totally not bored in this job, as it's very challenging and that's a good thing.

I am doing web development.