LayZ boy the smoker who will not cease

And now the idiot LayZ boy brother of mine was smoking near my room (I had my window open, which I do off and on as I don't know when that idiot will be going outside to smoke near my bedroom) and the smoke comes directly into my room, so that I am uncomfortable.  Fucking asshole!

I complain about it and nothing happens.  Basically they condone his actions.  Un-fucken-believable!  And his idiotic mother then goes on to defend his right to smoke where he wants to smoke.  And idiot LayZ boy starts deflecting and telling me "what if I smoked on the other side of the house, you would still be complaining", yeah right, because this is all about my baseless complaints not about his idiotic behaviour!  Idiot!  In addition to this, idiot LayZ boy kept saying to me, "bye bye, go to your room" in a completely dismissive way and neither my mother nor my step-father say to anything to him.  They told me to stop complaining about a "little bit of smoke" getting into my room because if it doesn't affect them, then how is it possible to be affecting me? Just because I am allergic to it, that's totally irrelevant to them!  They're unbelievable, truly unbelievable!  

Then my mother starts telling me that it's because of my complaints about LayZ boy smoking right next to the chickens that he doesn't smoke there much any more (oh right, so it's a healthy and good thing for him to smoke right on top of the chickens and for them to absorb his cigarette smoke every day?) and then she proceeds to tell me that he doesn't smoke near the trees on the other side of the house because I will complain that the smoke will come into the house.  Right, so because I sit in my room, I am nowhere near that part of the house, sure it has everything to do with me.  More like she told him not to smoke there as his smoke wafts in to where they are sitting in the sun room. It has nothing to do with me as I have never said anything like that to her.  She just lies to justify more of her lies.  And I am so completely frustrated and incredible upset every day because I cannot ever feel comfortable or safe.  Ever!  I am on high alert just about all day every day!

It's exhausting having to constantly defend myself and my right to have a comfortable existence and to constantly have to defend myself against their abuse and complacence. It is just debilitating to my whole mind and body and spirit.  No wonder I get sick, no wonder my immune system is so low, no wonder I cant get my act together.  I have no energy to do anything to lift myself from this really low ebb, absolutely no energy and no-one to help me.

I am so downtrodden and ill treated (I know it, I am aware enough, unfortunately to know what is going on) and I just feel like crying every day!  Living here with them, I am simply at their mercy and they have no mercy for me, just abuse and intolerance and tyranny. Their behaviour is just deplorable.  Just deplorable.

The abuse is just constant, never-ending

This afternoon I asked my step-father if he could give me a lift to the shops as he was going to the bank.  

When I went outside he was washing the bird poop from the bonnet, hood and top of the car (he parks it under the trees, in the shade because there is no shade anywhere else, as the garage has his van and my mother's car).

As soon as he saw me, he started going off at me, telling me that I would probably drive with the bird poop on the car and that I should have washed the car for him.  Stupidly I answered back to his nonsense and told him I didn't see it, so how would I know there was even bird poop there.  It was stupid of me to say anything of any sense to him because I know he cant see reason and is totally unreasonable.  

My step-father then started on a major rant (which is when I should have just left, but I needed to get to the shops, so I stayed but said nothing further to inflame him, or so I thought).  My step-father started telling me that they couldn't clean the house for the past 10 days because I didn't get up early enough (he refuses to clean the house after 10am, like there is an embargo on his ability to use his limbs after this time) and when I asked him if he realised that I was sick with a viral infection, he responded by barking at me "you're always sick, you're no use to anybody". But this wasn't the end of his rant, oh no, far from it.  He then started telling me, "you're so lazy and cant get a job, you're too old, no-one wants to employ you!  You should have got yourself some skills when you were younger and now you have none, no-one wants you."

I have a university degree, whereas he doesn't have any skills and neither does anyone else in my family but me.  I have many valuable skills, I am just down, sick and unable to lift myself from this quagmire of despair.  Oh man!

In the two minutes it took him to washed the bird poop from the car, he had totally demolished my spirit with his plentiful verbal abuse, the idiot.  

In the car I couldn't stop sneezing for the whole six minute ride and when I asked him how long he would be there and if he could give me a lift back, he started going on about how he didn't know how long he would be there, that he was going into every shop and for me just to catch a bus back because he didn't care to give me a lift back.  Asshole!  I should never have lowered myself to even ask for a lift. 

Later, after I caught the bus home and was on my computer, with my door open and my step-father walks past and tells me, "You stink, your room stinks, open your window you idiot".  My room does not stink.  The door is open, the air conditioner is on.  The idiot was just saying that to be obnoxious to me.  The abuse just never ends!  

This is like a prison to me, this house and the people here are cruelly taunting me and making my life a living hell to the point where I cant even begin to feel okay any more.  They are depleting my energy and debilitating my soul!

I always feel like I have to defend myself from their abuse when I should not have to contend with this crap!